apologizing in advance for this super long post.
also thanking you in advance if you read through the whole thing and decide to provide feedback. 
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i got engaged a month ago, but i have dreamed about my wedding and bridal party for a couple of years, so i already knew exactly who i wanted to ask. my MIL knew about the proposal plans for months so she started planning our engagement party right away. my fiance told me the official plans the same night he proposed, and he told me that she had reached out to my best friend's from out of state to invite them. one of my best friend's, i'll call her maddy, accepted the invitation to the party in the group chat my MIL had created between all of them. cool.
i ended up starting my own group chat a week later telling the girls that i knew they were coming, and that if they could share their travel plans because i wanted to plan something special for them. little did they know it was for the "bridesmaid proposal." maddy responded right away saying that she wasn't sure yet but that she might have to head back after the party due to her job. the other girls started respoding with excitement, then maddy proceeded to leave the chat. she sent me a separate text saying, "i left the conversation because you know i do not like marina and i don't want to be fake." "marina" is another one of my best friend's. mind you, maddy was just fine in the group chat my MIL had created when she invited all the girls to the engagement party.
i responded to maddy saying that i understood, but then asked if she was going to be okay with everything because i planned on asking everyone to be my bridesmaids at some point and i didn't want her to feel uncomfortable. i also let her know that i would not take it personal if she declined to be a bridesmaid out of respect of her feelings towards marina. she said yes, that she would be fine with everything. that was the end of that conversation. after a few weeks of not hearing from her, i texted maddy again asking if she had any updates on her travel plans to which she replied that she was busy and wasn't sure if she was going to even make it to the party. i said that i understood even though i'd be sad about her not being there, and she said, "i wanna be there! it's just not falling around a good time with everything else i have going on." i again said that i understood and wasn't going to take anything personal, but to please let me know if she was going to end up coming to the engagement party.
i was a bit adamant about knowing because 1) it's common courtesy, especially for the host (my MIL) and 2) i needed a head count when purchasing my bridesmaid boxes and things for my own thing i had planned. three weeks went by and i did not hear a word from her. the day of the party came and went with still no communication from her. she had seen all of my instagram stories from the party, and still nothing. it wasn't until she saw my posts from the bridesmaid proposal the following day that she sent me a text saying, "hey! sorry i couldn't make it to the party i hope it was great and i will plan something with you soon." keep in mind that the party was on a saturday. she sent me that text the following monday.
i debated on whether or not i should even respond, but thought about our history together and decided to have the uncomfortable conversation where i was going to tell her everything i had been feeling. i let her know that i was bothered by her lack of communication and that if she didn't confirm with me, she should've at least confirmed with my MIL. i also told her i was bothered about her leaving the group chat i had created with her and the girls, because even though i understood how she felt, it just wasn't about her OR marina. i said that i would've hoped that she would set aside her differences, especially since marina had no clue about maddy's feelings towards her. she apologized for the lack of communication but then said she was "not apologizing" for leaving the chat over marina because she was unfcomfortable being in it, and that she didn't understand why she had to explain herself in that regard (i never asked her to).
my response to her was that with all due respect, if she was uncomfortable in a group chat, then she would be feeling the same in more personal settings meaning my bridal party and that i would keep her posted on wedding details as a guest. to sum everything up, these are a few of her responses:
"you're taking away my ability to support you as a friend because i don't wanna be involved with marina. it's not about setting aside differences, it's about enforcing a boundary and what i am willing to subject myself to in supporting my best friend. marina is not my best friend let alone a friend. i'm willing to be cordial with her but i don't have to fake anything just because it's your wedding. you know good and well that's not who i am. we are all adults and i am used to working with people i don't particularly like. also understand that yes it is your wedding and i'm willing to support how i can, however that doesn't mean that the people involved don't get to have feelings. you have to meet people where they are and try to be considerate of what they can/cannot do. your season isn't everyone else's season but everyone is coming together to make this happen for you. yet you never gave me a chance without knowing what is going on, on my end. you have no idea how i would feel in a personal setting. i will have me a good ass time supporting my best friend and will treat marina like i don't even know her out of respect for you. other people do not dictate how i feel."
any thoughts/feedback on how you would handle this situation would be greatly appreciated. we plan on getting on a phone call later this evening.
