Bridesmaid Dilemma

How much time has passed between her viewing the message and not responding? If I were you, I'd follow up to make sure that she actually got the message

I would send a follow-up text along the lines of

"Hey, I wanted to check-in about you being a part of my wedding party. I completely understand if you don't want to or can't, I just need to know so that I can make other plans."

Or something. A lot of times texts get opened, set to the side with the best of intentions to reply later, and then just get lost in the daily chaos.

I would also just sent a follow up just in case she saw it and forgot to respond.

View Quoted Comment It’s been seven hours (I know .. impatient me LOL) but I would like to go ahead and start working on some things for my bridesmaids. It’s also saying she read the message.

I would follow up before you count her out.

I would give her a few days to respond, or maybe even call her. Do you talk often?

View Quoted Comment We see each other at least once a week

I would give her at least a full day or two to respond, or since you said you see her usually once per week, I would maybe follow up with her the next time you see her if she hasn't responded by then.

I would loop back and say, “hey (cousins name), it is totally ok if you don’t feel comfortable being a bridesmaid but I do need an answer either way so I can finalize my wedding party”

The 'read message' is sometimes misleading. When messages pop up on my screen when I'm in the middle of things a lot of the time I swipe them but don't actually read them. Call her, this is the best way to communicate with someone directly.

View Quoted Comment

In that case, I would DEFINITELY give her more time to respond! From your original post, I assumed you were talking, say, a week. I'd probably let it be for the rest of the day and follow up with her tomorrow or over the weekend

I would send a follow up and let her know that it’s okay if she doesn’t want to be in the bridal party, but you need an answer!

Give her a call to follow up. A 'read' message can mean anything really from a technical glitch with how the phone is designed when the messages pop up or she could have seen it and got busy/sidetracked before she could reply.


Don't discount it until you actually talk to her.

I think you at least need to give her a day or two to think about it before following up. Sometimes people need to look into if they’d be able to afford it, etc. before committing to it!

You said you messaged her, does that mean you asked through a text or email? I think you definitely need to call her or try to see her in person to talk. I think something as special as asking someone to be in your wedding deserves a little more than a message.

This is your potential bridesmaid, yet for something so meaningful, asking via text isn’t a very personal approach. So I’m not sure how I’d feel or if I’d respond either if I received such a text. I mean. what if your fiancé proposed via text (just a thought)? Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not a fan of the bridesmaid proposal boxes and that hoopla. But I do believe that if you’re asking someone to stand by you during your wedding, that it deserves to be done verbally, either in person or via phone or zoom/Facetime. But, unfortunately, a text feels very halfhearted and lackadaisical.

I actually went to see her and she thought she had responded but the message didn’t go through. She said yes! I can officially start working on things for my girls now. I also asked if any of them took offense to me asking via text and they all said no .. they understand that I’m a full time mom, I work full time, and I’m a full time student .. and now I’m planning a wedding on top of all that. I think everyone has to do what works for them at the end of the day. Thank you all for your replies! ♥️

I agree with everyone else on this, I'd send a follow up message and make sure she got it. And if she did get it and doesn't respond in a week I'd move on to someone else. If she seen it and doesn't want to be in your wedding she might not know how to tell you.

Call her-I very often don't check my phone or respond right away because people get busy. Girl needs to turn her read receipts off, lol.

Nope not all... move on