Bridesmaid doesn't want to wear makeup?

View Quoted Comment It is because you are asking a woman to cover their face with a substance that changes their physical appearance in order to “look their best” as you put it. Many women feel they “look their best” with a natural face. I am confused why women are so upset or threatened by a woman who feels beautiful without make up.

View Quoted Comment Asking only women to wear make up is sexist because you are not requiring the men to do so as well. You are not saying that a man has to put on a face of make up in order to “look their best”, Yeah you are staying in order for a woman to look their best they have to

View Quoted Comment It is holding women to a different set of (ridiculous) beauty standards

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Lol this is the most absurd thread I've ever been a part of. If you're okay with asking the guys to shave their face, I don't care to even put energy into this 'sexism' argument when someone is asked to make use of free professional makeup to be a part of their friends wedding. THAT is setting your own standards. But to each it's own!

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Okay, so two things. First, if I'm a member of the couple getting married, then I can absolutely dictate the general appearance of the wedding party, and this is pretty standard (you have to wear this dress, you have to wear this suit, you have to wear this color shoe). There are requests that I think are over the top, like dyeing hair or spray tans, but to say "you don't get to tell other people how to look" just doesn't apply to wedding parties.

Second, even the most naturally beautiful people you know are going to look out of place in a photo where everyone else is wearing makeup, just like someone with full glam makeup is going to look out of place in a group of people where no one is wearing makeup (and if the bride were having that kind of wedding, it would be reasonable for her to request minimal makeup from the BM who likes to go full glam). The OP is not requesting a full face of makeup, just a light dusting so she looks cohesive. There are people on these boards making unreasonable requests and this isn't one of them.

This is irrelevant to the discussion, btw, but the fact of the matter is most people do not look their best when they just rolled out of bed. Good makeup doesn't take away from a person's natural beauty but enhances it by at minimum covering blemishes, evening out skin tone, and highlighting lashes and/or eyebrows (for those of us with lighter hair). It's not about looking like someone else, or hiding natural beauty, it's about highlighting your own best features. Again I don't wear makeup 95% of the time but there is a time and place to look fancy and be extra and a wedding is it.

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My fiance was a groomsman a few weeks ago and not only did he shave, but he got a haircut and combed/styled his hair...as he should have. I agree with this completely.

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As he should have! Because that's what's expected of him to be in a wedding.

View Quoted Comment I never said that I was OK with asking guys to shave their face. YOU said that. Furthermore, I will NOT be making such a request! All members of our wedding party are free to have their faces look however they feel confident 😊

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That will be lovely! You do your thing, girlfriend. I won't jump down your throat about what YOU do and YOUR wedding, it wouldn't hurt to do the same.

View Quoted Comment But did he do that all on his own cause he wanted to or did the groom tell him he had to?

View Quoted Comment I think you are missing the entire point. You are suggesting that it is OK for a bride to require somebody to alter their face for their wedding. There is no need for it. Period. She can suggest it. But there’s no need to force it on a loved one who has expressed that they feel uncomfortable and do not desire to do it. Also, how is it “over the top” to require a spray tan (A substance you put on your skin to alter your appearance and make you look “more cohesive”), but it is not over the top to request makeup (A substance you put on your skin to alter your appearance and make you look “more cohesive”)?
See the slippery slope?
Also, many people (both men and women) do not feel that makeup enhances best features. They feel that it makes them look fake and not like themselves. That it hides their “imperfections”, thus insinuating that we should strive for what the beauty industry considers “perfect”. I applaud anyone who has the confidence to feel their best exactly the way they are. And absolutely no one should make them feel as though they are wrong for that. Quite frankly, it is appalling to me that women are actually trying to push these sexist, archaic notions of beauty into other women. I would never even consider trying to force anyone (let alone my closest friends and loved ones!) to adopt the notion that in order to look their best or be their best they needed to alter their physical appearance in order to stand next to me at my wedding. They are standing next to me because I love them exactly the way they are, flaws and all. I want nothing more than for them to feel confident and beautiful with me- however that looks to them. And that’s all I have to say on that matter 🙂

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I'm sorry. I just can't see the logic here. I don't wear a dress casually, and certainly not every day, and certainly not a dress as formal as a bridesmaids gown. So every bride that picked out a bridesmaids gown or outfit was telling her bridesmaid that she wasn't good enough, because the bridesmaids like most people, don't wear such an outfit day to day.

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As the other poster pointed out he didn't HAVE to be told to shave and comb his hair because he is an adult man who knows how to dress himself and look presentable. Geesh...

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1,000X yes. With this logic, everyone should just show up in your pjs or whatever they're comfortable in for my wedding.

I didn't ask you over for dinner - I asked you to be presented in my wedding.

View Quoted Comment Being presentable is different than being forced to wear makeup. You don't need to have makeup on to be presentable.

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Because makeup can be removed in 20 seconds and a spray tan or hair dye can't...?

Because a spray tan or hair dye is meant to alter the color of your skin or hair, whereas makeup is literally matched to your own existing features?

To me it's like saying you have to wear dressy shoes, you can't wear sneakers or flip flops. Maybe sneakers or flip flops is ~you~ but it's a wedding, that's not yours, the day isn't about you. Something like 85% of women wear makeup on a regular basis; what this OP is asking for is reasonable. And yeah we have flaws, and our loved ones love us even so, but that doesn't mean we should want to put them on display lol. We disagree. That's fine.

View Quoted Comment There is clearly a huge difference between wearing pajamas to a wedding and telling your friend that her face isn’t pretty enough and she has to cover it up in order to be in your wedding. You’re just over generalizing to try to prove a point. It’s really going to blow all of your minds when I tell you that my wife is in a wedding next month and, prepare yourselves...she’s not even wearing a dress, let alone makeup. Because her friend knows that would make her uncomfortable. I also had bridesmaids who didn’t wear dresses OR makeup! Some brides prioritize relationships and some prioritize aesthetics, and that’s fine, you get to choose which one you want to be.

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For an event as formal as a wedding, most people do!

Homegirl is a bridesmaid, not a guest. The vast majority of women wear makeup. This is not her day. Unless she is talking about having an allergic reaction, she can suck it up and wear foundation for an hour. If what SHE wants is so important on a day that she's going to dig her heels in on a day that is NOT ABOUT HER, then she can attend as a guest.

I will assume your wife's friend isn't having a formal wedding. And if she were, I would hope your wife wouldn't pitch a fit about not being comfortable getting herself ready for a formal event, if that bride so asked.

No, this is the exact same logic. I see nothing but comments about how asking your friends to 'alter' their normal looks for your wedding isn't right. Like the other poster said, wearing a gown isn't normal attire for most, but if you're asked to throw on a gown for someones wedding, you don't think twice.

My friends are all knock outs, I'm not worried about their looks for my wedding. Thankfully, my friends respect that I'm paying thousands of dollars to throw a huge party and they want to dress and look accordingly. And they're more than willing to do so. I guess I'm just way luckier than I realized to not have friends who pitch fits and throw tantrums when asked to dress up for a formal wedding.

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Agree completely. We can have a discussion about how appropriate it is for a bride to ask her bridesmaid to get a spray tan or dye her hair, but the big difference between that and wearing makeup is you get your makeup done on the day and it takes seconds to take off.

It is such an easy request. Just wear the makeup and take it off when it is all over. It is so easy to fulfill. And so frequently in forums like this and elsewhere brides who don't wear makeup or much makeup are still advised to wear it for the pictures. It is the same logic with a bridesmaid. I don't think OP is out of line, and she certainly isn't sexist.