Bridesmaid Drama

It always sucks when a friend becomes flakey and can't make time for you, especially if you are bending over backward to make time for them.

I had bridesmaid regret something fierce about 6 months after asking my ladies because of the same thing. They were flaking out/canceling at the last minute, things like dress shopping and invitation organizing, etc. I realized pretty quickly that I had to depend on myself and my fiancé for things as often as possible and just hope that they all show up on the day of as they're supposed to and behave.

Now they've been more helpful so I give them a lot of credit for that. But I do recall a very, very close friend of mine some years ago pulling this "flaking out" garbage with me and it ended our friendship pretty quickly. We went from being friends for many years to not talking at all and I haven't spoken with her now in about 5 years. It's heartbreaking when that happens, but maybe it's for the best. Cheer up. You're so close to being married and in the long run, she won't be the person who makes or breaks your wedding.

View Quoted Comment Thank you so much for the kind words and advice, you are so right. It’s really sad when these things happen and I’m so sorry that they happened to you with multiple people. It makes me feel better to know that someone else relates to my situation 💕

This situation sucks. One of my former bridesmaids is very similar to your description. She would whine not just about my wedding stuff, but general life things which not a big deal we all have things going on. But it got to be too much for me especially because she really needed help like therapy and she would come to me with her problems and when I couldn't handle everything anymore she would lash out at me. She flat out disrespected me and my FH. She eventually sent me a message on messenger saying she doesn't ever want to speak to me again because she hates what I have become (I'm not really sure what "I have become") and that she hates my FH so she doesn't ever want to speak with me again.

I will say this I am so much less stressed without having to be a mental punching bag for her now. I also realized we had a very one sided friendship where I was always there for her, but she was never there for me when I needed her.

Hi Allyson,
I have one who's becoming very irritating, she's trying to tell me who should or shouldn't be MY BRIDESMAIDS!! she was the first one I asked, then she complained about my 👗 choice, and I'm even paying for them, along with their shoes, hair and makeup!!!!!!!!! I still have time to drop her!! what do you think?? If you care to see my bridesmaids dress, it's from
jjshouse, style 105912, I thought it was a nice dress, not a one and done! Love to get your thoughts!

View Quoted Comment Wow! Am so sorry you had to go through that she sounds like a horrible friend. It’s so hard because you spend time connecting with a person and developing a friendship just for that to happen in the end. You are so much better off! This bridesmaid also talks a lot about how she doesn’t understand people in relationships while at the same time constantly whines about not being in one, then when I suggest ways to meet people, she turns them all down. I’m the wrong audience for this, like can you please not make this a constant discussion with someone who’s about to get married 😂 and she keeps talking trash about a woman who I LOVE that’s throwing my rehearsal dinner as a wedding gift. Tip: if I’m close enough with someone that they are throwing our rehearsal dinner for us, you probably shouldn’t be telling me that she is an “awful person” and that you hate her. These issues are on so much of a smaller scale than yours were, but I totally relate on not being able to handle the negativity and whining.

View Quoted Comment Oh my gosh you have no idea how similar your friend and my ex friend sound. She did the same thing about people in relationships. Maybe they are long lost twins lol jk. That is so sweet that is so sweet of your other friend to throw your rehearsal dinner. No reason to trash talk her. I'm just grateful for my MOH she honestly is supportive.

View Quoted Comment Are you joking! That dress is gorgeous, I love it!!! Wow, she literally has no business in telling you who to have in your wedding or making any comments about the dress. In my opinion, your wedding, your choice. When she gets married she can decide on those bridesmaids dresses. She is so ungrateful!! Honestly if she is causing more stress than happiness, I would consider dropping her. Would you be upset if you weren’t friends anymore?

View Quoted Comment Haha wow that’s wild! I don’t understand the nerve of people like that, my one thing in life is to just be considerate of others and aware of the way you’re making them feel. Friends like that want to just take so that they feel good, but not give you anything in return. My MOH is an angel too, so at least we have that!

I'm so sorry this has happened! I too had bridesmaids regret. Similar to what happened with your situation, she barely talked to me and distanced herself from me. She was also talking about me behind my back and expressed to my sister (!!!) that she didn't want to be apart of the bridal appointments. I ended up having a talk with her (kindly of course) to see what was going on and she ended up backing out of my wedding. This just happened a few weeks ago and the wedding is in May. Honestly, I rather have had this happen than have to look at pictures down the road regretting that she was in my bridal party. I think that you could try talking to her to see what's going on, but if she keeps "dodging" you, maybe you should ask her to take a step back. Ultimately it is your day and you need to do whatever makes you happy! ❤️

View Quoted Comment Thank you Allyson, no I won't be upset, considering all the money I'm spending on the bridesmaids, I think she's being really ungrateful right? I consider it a great 👗 in fact, I'm changing into the same dress, but in lavender, right after the ceremony, my wedding dress is from Stella York, style 6979, if you care to see it ( I hope you do, I'd love your opinion ) what will you do about your bridesmaid issue?

View Quoted Comment Wow I absolutely LOVE your dress ❤️ The illusion back and detail is just stunning! You have such great taste! I think if you won’t be upset, you should definitely rip off the bandaid and tell her that you have changed your mind about her being in the wedding. Maybe ask her to be a guest instead? She is being totally ungrateful and as soon as you remove her, you will be so much happier with your planning. I feel like it’s too late for me to do anything about my bridesmaid, but I will just try to foster the friendship until the wedding. I don’t want to put any pressure on the friendship after the wedding is over though; either we are meant to be friends, or we aren’t.

View Quoted Comment Thank you so much, I've second guessed my dress choice, about 10 times I think, but most of us girls do that from what I've read! Allyson, what are you wearing? May I see your 👗 can I look it up? Also, if you would like to see my shoes, tbdress, style **** Pointed Toe Pearl Lace wedding shoe, with my winter wedding, snow is always a possibility, plus I'm going to be in a open air, horse drawn carriage from church to the venue( half a mile ) what was I thinking!!!!!

View Quoted Comment I will post some photos here of my dress and hair piece! I think I did see one of your posts before questioning your dress. Don’t worry, a lot of people do go through that and your dress is AMAZING! You will look so perfect in it.
Your shoes are absolutely gorgeous and your wedding sounds like a fairytale ❤️ A horse drawn carriage, wow!!! What is your reception venue like? Do you have photos?



We are getting married in a garden at an art museum

View Quoted Comment Allyson, I love your 👗 you will be stunning, beautiful headpiece and veil! I have to take pictures still, but my reception will be in a small inn, with 2 and 4 seat tables, I asked all the females to give me 2"x 4" pictures of themselves and their SO and I'm putting them in antigue gold frames on the tables, so they then must walk around to find where they sit!!

I had similar situation and I removed her and changed the way the procession happened. My wedding hasn't happened yet, but I am already happier knowing she won't be in the pictures. Another option would be to buy a bridesmaid dress for whomever you replace her with. In my opinion, you will not want to look back on that day and see an ex friend. Chances are, she will cause drama at your wedding too.

Oh My Gosh ---- I went through the exact same thing, except I bought her dress and she never even went to pick it up. I had to pick it up and then she never could make time to try it on. The other girls and myself would schedule everything around this one BM and then she would "forget" every time and make other plans. I could never get her to call me back and always got a generic text when I left a vm for her to call me. It basically boiled down to her disconnecting and then only wanting to show up for the ceremony. It was a hard decision but I wasn't paying for her hair, makeup and dress to have her show up for an hour then bounce. It sucked but eventually I gave her a choice if she couldn't be there for the day, which she committed to last year when I asked her, then she could at least come as our guest and celebrate with us. This would give her the ability to come and go as she wanted. She basically came back at me and said she wasn't going to come at all.

Everyone will tell you its a bad idea as you'll lose the friendship but I am telling you that the friendship I thought was there, really wasn't and I am much less stressed now that the person is no longer apart of such a big day.

If you do keep her in your wedding, don't stress over pictures in the future. Just enjoy the day and let the other girls take care of the difficult one.

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I was lucky the BM that was removed, was the exact size of a close friend that I just reconnected with. I was excited her and I reconnected and made a last minute decision to add her, and she is super excited.