Bridesmaid drama

Dearest Chantel,

The time for her to air her concerns is long gone. You are in the last days of your single life, and ready to become someones life-long partner. It sounds like you have tried to have mature conversations about her involvement in your big day. I don't know her or what she has going on in her life but from your perspective here, it sounds like your wedding is not her priority. I hope that you can gracefully find a MOH to provide you with the support you deserve during this major life transition. Im so sorry that you have to deal with the stress of replacing someone with such a crucial role for you, especially so late in the game. If you need any support please DM me. Best wishes, and Congratulations!

Katie

Of Course! Your Wedding Day is meant to be all about YOU and the love that you share with your fiancé. All the support, all the dignity, all the love

Since she is your sister and has not stopped you from preparing your wedding, you should consider how she has been over the years. If it is just a matter of her internal struggles that has kept her from helping you prepare, just tell her all you want is that she be at your side at the wedding and to be sisters for the rest of your lives. Hopefully it can a moment trying to recommit to each other -- since she will be your sister for a long time. (The help in preparation is just a moment in life and not everyone is up to the task.)

Thanks for sharing back so wonderfully. The goal of marriage is to build up lives, not tear them apart.

If family asks about this, maybe just say there is no problem because she's your sister.

She's not obligated to help you plan your wedding. Does she have the dress? That's really the only thing needing "handling". The rest is really just planning between you and your FI. I would definitely not replace her, if that's what you're thinking to do, because that is a very public slight that could damage your relationship with her and make you look terrible too. I feel like preserving your relationship with your sister is more important than any of this, and I'm sure you feel that way too.

These details give a bit of a different situation than your original post.

First, I assume you told her you would have her as your maid of honor. In a way, that can work okay if she has a different dress then. If everything was fine with your relationship before your engagement, then your question to her maybe should be "are you still happy to be my MOH?" Other details about the dress styles sort of depend on her age -- the younger may be more excited to go with matching dresses. It depends also what her normal inclination is in fashion. Then, also, there are many people who are not trying to be difficult but they just are not inclined to follow the crowd.

Lastly, many times it is mentioned that you do not have people with you to be props in your pictures. You have them to honor their value in your life ( past and hopefully future). Then, there is all the stuff mentioned earlier

Are all of the bridesmaids wearing the same style dress or did you let them pick their own style? If they are wearing the same style then it should be pretty easy for her to just order the dress and get it altered. If she was allowed to pick her style then she might have to order a few different styles and pick which she likes best then have it altered. She might just have to order it with rushed shipping. Either way she's an adult and knows it's her responsibility to show up on the day of the wedding wearing the required outfit. If she doesn't she can attend as a guest. I wouldn't micromanage her. There's better uses of your time.

As for the bridal shower and bachelorette party, those can honestly be hosted by anyone who offers. If someone doesn't offer then you simply don't have one. My sister was my maid of honor, but she wasn't in the best place in her life at the time so she didn't really do much. My mom, MIL, and my husband's sister (bridesmaid) handled hosting my bridal shower. My bachelorette party was a mess. One bridesmaid dropped out attending because her husband surprised her for their anniversary for tickets to Disney not realizing it was the same time as my bachelorette party. Another bridesmaid unfortunately wasn't made to attend because the day before she suffered a miscarriage. We ended up going for dinner and bowling which wasn't what I envisioned, but it was still lots of fun.

As for the shoes it sounds like you want everyone wearing the exact same shoe which is honestly unrealistic. Not everyone is comfortable in the same shoe and they shouldn't be walking around having to wear shoes that are making them miserable. For example, my brother's wife (bridesmaid) injured her ankle several years ago and it never healed properly so it would've been completely unfair for me to require her to have worn heels for my wedding as condition to being a bridesmaid. Instead I requested everyone wear silver shoes. I didn't care what style as long as they were silver I was happy and to be honest I couldn't even tell you what their shoes looked like. If your sister is uncomfortable with the shoes you picked I would let her decide on her own shoe style. As long as it is the same color as the other bridesmaids then I don't see the big deal as they will still be uniform.

As for planning or giving opinions on things is it possible she's just not into party/evening planning. Obviously we don't know her, but if she's not normally into planning things then unfortunately I wouldn't have expected your wedding to be any different. The other option is she could be jealous. Is she in a relationship that maybe she was hoping her significant other would've already proposed? Is she single and wishing she had a significant other? Has she been married before and it ended badly? Any of those things could affect how she's acting.

Replace her as a bridesmaid !