Bridesmaid gone mia

Have you only been texting her about wedding stuff? Or have you tried reaching out friend to friend. Or calling?

I have tried texting, calling her, we have a group chat. I even went as far as writing on her Facebook page and no response 🤷🏽‍♀️

Has she always been flaky on communication? Have you tried reaching out to her about something other than the wedding? If she's always been a little MIA when communicating, it's unlikely she'll change just because you're talking about your wedding and if there's something else going on in her life, she's going to be more focused on that. If the second is the case, try being there as a friend without the pressure of bringing up your wedding. She is not obligated to do any of the pre-wedding activities. Her only real obligation is to be at the wedding on time in the correct dress. While I know many people who are in bridal parties feel a sense of commitment to the other wedding related events, there are equally as many who don't. Cutting your ties or kicking her out of the bridal party would be a friendship ending move, so think very carefully about those repercussions before you do it. While it's an important day to you, the wedding is just one day out of a lifetime. You wouldn't want to lose a good friend over a one-day event.

View Quoted Comment This. I actually was asked to be a bridesmaid then the BRIDE went MIA. I think she was afraid to have me in her bridal party bc of my alternative look. Her family is very conservative. She never unasked me, and simply sent an invitation as a guest. I showed up and put a smile on my face, even though I am very hurt by how she treated me. She and her husband made it clear that they felt pretty bad about it, I think she had the wedding crazies and came to her senses. Either way, while I won’t ever quite feel the same about our friendship I decided not to let it ruin 12 years of friendship over one day. In the long run it’s not worth it.

I feel a “good friend” should answer when you call or at least call you back. If she agreed to be in the bridal party than she agreed to you communicating with her about wedding related stuff. And if something else is going on in her life she can’t expect you to just know that she would have to speak up and stop ignoring you one or the other. At this point I suggest you keep making an effort to reach out to her a couple times a week and if she doesn’t respond by the time your Engagement party comes around I think you should count her out.

I often wonder if she changed her mind about wanting to be in my bridal party and honestly my
feelings wouldn’t be hurt at all. I just don’t like to be left in the dark with where she stands with all of this.

Your wedding isn't for almost two years. Not only have you asked your wedding party WAY too early, but your expectations on them is too much.

The only things wedding party members are required to do is to show up on the wedding day, in the correct attire (selected within the budget they provide you), smile for pictures, and get down the aisle. Anything anyone chooses to do beyond that is a wonderful gift.

If you decide to eliminate her from your wedding party, be prepared for your friendship to end. If you don't want to be friends with her anymore, do her the favor and let her know that your friendship has run it's course. By ending the friendship, she will no longer be a bridesmaid.

Additional note, don't start looking fir bridesmaids dresses until late winter or early spring next year. Styles will change, and it's reasonable that at least one bridesmaid will be a different size come November 2020.

How is she normally with communication? I had this issue with one of my childhood friends that was in my bridal party too. Everyone would always answer my MOH (bachelorette chat) or my Mom (bridal shower chat) within a reasonable amount of time and contribute their own thoughts and opinions except for one girl. She's always been a pretty reliable friend though, and she purchased her dress right away, so I wasn't too worried. My mom and MOH came to me about her not answering (my mom was kinda hurt because she's known this friend of mine since we were 5) so I told them to just text her individually instead of in the group chat. When they did that she'd answer within a reasonable amount of time. She's not really a wedding person or much of a planner so she never contributed ideas like all the other girls that were super into helping but she'd at least answer with yes or no when asked something individually.

Keep in mind that your wedding is over a year away. So all of the things involving group chats shouldn't really be happening until you are less than a year away. Your friend might not be answering because it's too early for her to know the answers to what you MOH is asking. Bridesmaid dresses should wait until like 6 months before because people can change sizes and need to spend a lot in alterations if they get the dresses too early.

If it helps, for my wedding, we started talking about dress shopping 8 months before (went 6 months before), my mom had a group chat for the shower 6 months before the wedding (3 months before the shower) and the bachelorette group chat was started 5 months before the wedding (3 months before the bach)

Have you tried to contact her about something other than something wedding related?

Your wedding is almost 2 years away, it's way too early to go looking for bridesmaid dresses. It sounds like she's being overwhelmed too much too soon with wedding stuff.

I had to ask them way early since I will be moving out of state at the end of June with my fiancé and will be planning the wedding out of state. She seems to be the only bridesmaid that isn’t on the same page as everyone else. I get my wedding is two years away but I would lIke to get a feel
of what my girls want to wear since we won’t be in the same state after June.

You should have waited to pick your BP until about 6 months before your wedding. They don't need to go dress shopping yet. Imagine how many things could change in the next 2 years.

I had to decide early because I am moving as I stated in the last post. We also decided on the wedding party when we thought we were getting married in 2019 but pushed it back a year.

As for other types of communication it’s already tried. Either myself or the MOH would text her about other things besides the wedding. We all have kids around the same age, she won’t even respond to play dates.

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If she isn't responding to texts that are non-bridesmaid related then it is possible either something serious is going on in her life where she just doesn't want to talk to anyone right now or she's over the friendship and is "ghosting" you so that she doesn't have to tell you she doesn't want to be a bridesmaid. I'd give it a few months before you make any decisions.

I asked my bridesmaids early like you did, but I have not expected much of them. Make sure you aren’t only talking wedding with your bridesmaids. Also, you may want to hold off on the dresses because you still have a while!! My girls have all picked a few styles they like on Azazie but nothing is final, I just had them start browsing and make sure they found things within their budget

View Quoted Comment Will you not be able to communicate with your loved one once you move away? I fail to understand what planning from a distance has to do with anything. Couples plan their events from other states, even countries, all the time. Distance really isn't a challenge, and it's no reason to ask people this early.

View Quoted Comment We planned on getting married on 2019 which is this year but has to push it back to 2020. They were already asked by the time we had to push it back. Asking early isn’t the problem 😑

View Quoted Comment I’m not asking much of them at all right now simply coming out to dinner with my fiancé and I. Most of them don’t know him and it would give them a chance to meet him along with his family. The girls want to look to get a feel of what they will lIke since I’m letting them decide on the style of dress they each want to wear

I'd check in and see if she got a new phone number or if there is something going on. If it's the latter, you and her could see if she wants to be honored in a different way, or if she'd rather come as a guest, or if she needs support dealing with something or any number of things. If the phone isn't working, I'd try a new way of reaching out as a first step.

View Quoted Comment Her ghosting me is just weird because we have always had an open door kind of relationship. We were always able to text each other about anything.