Bridesmaid Group Chat Timeline

1) You still need to ask their budgets for dresses individually and then stick with the lowest number you're given. You may have to adjust your top choice, give them more flexibility (i.e. find a long black dress) or look at department stores vs. bridal shops (usually cheaper). Once you have budgets you can find dress options, pick one, and then just send them the dress info in the group chat. They will purchase in time for the wedding without further made-up deadlines from you (June for an October wedding is crazy early, and there's no reason they need them that early)

2) I think it's fine to gauge interest in a house, but would make sure you're ok with covering the full expense in case people's plans change. A lot can happen between February and October.

3) I think it's fine to gauge interest now in H/MU but again, I would assume that people may change their minds as it gets closer. I would have a hard time committing to spending that money 10 months ahead of time.

Just a note - make sure you wait til someone offers to throw you a bach party before you give opinions on what you want. It's definitely not required of them to do, and they may not want to/be able to.

View Quoted Comment 1) I'm not sure if you read my post but I am giving them options and there is no "one dress" or "top choice". They are to get dresses from Azazie in one of three colors, and they can buy their color dress secondhand if they can find one. They can wear any style they like. I think this is fair. A "long black dress" will not fit in the color scheme and I would like the girls in one of three colors. This is pretty standard. Azazie is also comparably priced to many department store dresses.

2) I am not okay with covering the cost of a house so what would you suggest I do? Let them get their own hotels or?

3) I might just skip that entirely then. It sounds like a headache.

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1)I read everything - my point with the dresses is that some girls may not be able to afford or want to pay $100+ for a dress so you need to ask for a budget and work from the lowest price you're given. The black dress was just an example - i obviously have no idea what your colors are. But since you're flexible with the 3 colors and styles, if someone give you a low price point, it's super easy for you to say "great, here are 3 colors - find something in dusty pink that's long and chiffon". It's just the respectful thing to do. Mostly likely the Azazie dresses will fit in the budgets you're given, but why wouldn't you check beforehand?

2) If you're not ok with maybe having to cover the house then I would either way til much closer, or just let everyone handle their own accommodations.

3) you don't need to book hair and makeup 10 months in advance - so this is something that can definitely be re-visited a few months before. I just think it's way to early to ask people to commit.

I have a group chat with my 7 bridesmaids, and then my MOH has one that is bridesmaids only. I think that is where you should bring up all of those things. Just no all at once. The dresses are easy, I am giving my bridesmaids a choice between azazie and David's Bridal. They only criteria was the color and length. I sent out an informational text stating what I want them to wear, this should be a enough time for people to save when your wedding is 10 or so months away.

I do think you should bring up your idea of renting a house now, just to at least gauge interest. Let them know the approximate cost and that you want to book in Feb and if they cant or don't want to you will be able to move forward.

I think as long as you're not bombarding the group chat at day long it would be fine to bring up any of these things. They are a normal part of wedding planning and the wedding party should expect to get info from you so they can plan as well. 10 months is a nice chunk of time but it will go by fast. Better to give the info now so people can plan ahead especially anything that is going to cost people money. If they can't afford it they will most likely let you know.

1) everpretty.com has dresses that cost $60 on average and they are beautiful!! I would also ask their budget or at least tell them the price and ask if they are ok with that.

2) I think it's totally ok to ask them to contribute if they are staying, but be prepared to make up any difference if plans change for someone. I know I wouldn't ask one of my girls to pay for the room if plans changed for her.

3) Someone, usually the maid of honor, should throw the bachelorette party for you. I would wait until she offers before making suggestions for that. She may want to plan it herself too. My MOH is surprising me with the bachelorette party. However, she talked with another bridesmaid and my mom to make sure it was something I would like.

I wouldn't worry about how to bring these things up. Just message them about it and talk with them. As bridesmaids, they will understand that you have to talk with them about these things. As far as when to bring them up, I would make sure you bring them up with plenty of time before these things actually need done.

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2) If you're not ok with maybe having to cover the house then I would either way til much closer, or just let everyone handle their own accommodations.

It would kinda suck since we wanted an after party, but I might end up letting them do their own thing if it's going to be a headache. I am genuinely curious though how this benefits them, since they will have to pay for their own accommodations which on their own would be $100+ per night? I feel like the house would be in everyone's best interest.

3) you don't need to book hair and makeup 10 months in advance - so this is something that can definitely be re-visited a few months before. I just think it's way to early to ask people to commit.

The HMU's I've talked to have been filling up - some couldn't wait for me to do a trial at Christmas. My date is very popular and they'd be travelling. I'll probably end up booking a local salon and leaving it at that.

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Thank you for your reply. A few things though,

1) I just looked up Ever-Pretty and I'm a little hesitant about the poor reviews on TrustPilot. I know that if I were buying a dress I'd rather pay a little extra to have it come from a reputable seller. Maybe that's just me.

2) I would put the same question to you then, if I just say forget it and let everyone find their own accommodations, they will be looking at $100+ per night. If someone's "plans change" then do I need to cover the hotel she found for herself? Or is this just to absolve me of that responsibility?

3) I don't have a MOH, all 7 are BMs, so I'm not sure if any of them will take the lead. FI and I went to a "pre-wedding weekend" (coed) for one of his GMs (he was a GM in this wedding) and a good time was had by all. This is the sort of thing we envisioned. Obviously if my BMs don't want to plan a bachelorette or attend something like this they don't have to but I don't think it's unreasonable to have something in mind of what we would like to do especially when FI and I will have to fly to the location.

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Thank you, this is helpful! I think I'm probably overthinking it.

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1) We only had to order one dress from the actual website, because my friend had extras from her wedding that she let us buy from her. My friend didn't have any trouble with everpretty, but I can understand the concern.

2) I definitely would not be paying for the hotel she found herself, even if her plans changed. If she found another place to stay, then that's all her responsibility. What I'm saying is, if you decide to do the house (which sounds super fun by the way!), then it's totally ok to ask them to contribute and I think they should. I would just be prepared to pay for the BM's portion if for some reason she can't stay at the house after agreeing to. Maybe an emergency comes up, or she decided to stay with a friend, etc. Or, you could also ask the rest of your bridal party if they would help you pay her portion. This is just a what if situation though that you may not even have to deal with

3) Then I'm not sure either. If it was something that you wanted, I'd maybe ask the group if someone wanted to head it up. I personally would be hesitant to do this. I actually don't know what I would do if my maid of honor hadn't offered to do it. You could definitely ask someone to head it up and explain your vision to them!

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In all honesty, there is one girl who I've talked to about this. I also told her she would have been MOH if I had one (I didn't want the other girls to be hurt or disappointed. Starting to think I overthink everything ). There are a couple of planner types among them (especially among ones who have been in weddings before) so I'm hoping a leader or two will naturally emerge. One of them is FSIL who I'll see over Christmas so maybe I can mention it to her then.

You bring up some good points on the house. Between the entire bridal party and their SO's we're looking at maybe 14 people which is a lot to coordinate. All of them are super chill and go with the flow in real life so maybe this won't even be an issue.

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Your friend who you wanted to make MOH may be willing since you wanted to bestow that responsibility on her. Asking the FSIL at Christmas is a great idea! She may be really excited to help contribute to the wedding! I know my FBIL was really wanting to be more involved so he is doing some signs for us. He is into graphic design. You may have the two of them coordinate and plan together if you can't decide who you want to head it up. I did this with my MOH. She is in charge, but planning the bachelorette party with another BM because she lives in Bama and the party is in PA where we are getting married.

With that many people you definitely have enough people to help contribute! And that sounds so fun! If I hadn't booked the hotel already for mine, I might have reconsidered and done the house. If they are chill, then I don't think you will have a problem. And if they really care about you, which I'm sure they do, they will be happy to help with the house so you can have what you want for the big day.

I totally understand the overthinking! I did that last week with the hairstyle I picked out about a month ago. I thought it didn't work with the neckline of my dress, but I was just overthinking. It's so easy to do when you're making so many big decisions!

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UGH yes especially when the Internet is giving you so many opinions!! One thing we are doing is setting up and taking down our tables and chairs. To read wedding forums it's a huge no-no to ask your bridal party to help but not only have multiple of our BP members said of course they'd help, it's part of the job, but I've had friends not even in our BPs offer to help as well. I think IRL things and people are just so much different than we see online.

Good luck with your planning, I hop everything turns out awesome!

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If people have said they are willing to help, then I think it's totally ok to ask them. Good luck to you as well! Less than a year for you!