Bridesmaid help/ friend help

You don’t need to approach it. You don’t need to tell her why she wasn’t she doesn’t need to ask. If she does, change the subject. I wouldn’t keep this friendship based on your description either.

You don’t need to tell her. I understand friendships that are so precious that they’re hard to give up. But maybe taking some space is what you need. Let her know you love her and see there for her but that you support her well being. When my old best friend started making choices I couldn’t support (sleeping with a married man who had a pregnant wife) she got so mad at me because I wasn’t supporting her choices. I learned quickly to just let her know “I love you and I support your well-being” without supporting her choices. That’s all. And I kept space from that friendship. It sounds like maybe that might help you as well.

View Quoted Comment Honestly you’re right I just feel like I’m being a coward in doing so

View Quoted Comment Honestly it’s what I’ve already been doing, It’s what we have naturally progressed into. I just hope she understands and doesn’t lash out.

If she has been a bad friend to you, she is definitely not deserving to be one of your bridesmaids. You need someone who will be there to support you, especially since it is your special day. I think no matter what way you approach it, it will be tough. Just try your best to show that you love her and will always support her, but also make sure she understands why she cannot be involved. Maybe this will be a wake-up call for her.

Short and simple. The more you discuss it, the more potential for an argument you do not want. ..There are times when we have been close as sisters, and times when we have seen everything differently. At this time, we have been far apart, and I see these other friends more....

Honestly, there is no reason you even need to discuss it with her unless she specifically asks in which case just be honest with her.

Hi Kas, you’re sweet to consider her feelings ❤️ I have been the one in your friend’s shoes before (minus the drug part and by the way very sorry to hear she’s struggling with drugs) two different times. One friend said nothing and I was really surprised. I attended her wedding as a guest to support her, but the friendship did not survive. Another friend was so sweet and let me know even though I wasn’t in the bridal party she was looking forward to me being there so much. I was invited to all showers, bachelorette party and wedding and felt no hard feelings for her whatsoever. She thought I may be hurt and took the time just to let me know my support as a guest meant a lot to her and for me, that two minute conversation meant a lot to me ❤️ Good luck 🌷

View Quoted Comment This is interesting to hear—that you preferred being approached. I think it’s really person-dependent, OP, and if she is erratic due to drugs, I’d only approach her if you were positive she wasn’t high and say that you just didn’t want her to be caught off guard, but she wasn’t going to be in your bridal party but you love her and look forward to celebrating with her.
I think not saying anything is fine too—she may or may not approach you.

I agree thar you don't have to bring it up at all. Don't reach out to her. It sounds like this isn't a friendship that you want to continue long-term. If she were a bridesmaid I would worry about her being high or otherwise misbehaving at the wedding.

You don't need to bring it up. I was in a similar situation, and I did not mention any wedding planning to my childhood friend of 20 years. I was her BM in 2018, and then I got engaged in 2019 and immediately picked my girls and she wasn't one of them. In the beginning, she kept asking about dress fitting, offered help, but I said I didn't need her help. Due to Covid, we postponed our wedding until May and we haven't really mentioned anything. She did not attend my Bachelorette Party, and I am not even sure if she will attend my wedding. I honestly feel that we are not that closed since we started college, and I didn't know why she wanted me to be in her Bridal Party. In the end of the day, you are the bride.

View Quoted Comment I understand that. If she does lash out, that isn’t your problem. That sounds harsh but there’s only so far love and support can take you

Has she actually brought this up directly. If she hasn't I wouldn't say a word to her.

View Quoted Comment No actually she never asks me anything about it at all.

View Quoted Comment Thank you everyone for your help and advice. I have finally narrowed down my bridal party and thanks to all of you it does not include her. It was a very hard decision but you all have helped me see what I already knew deep down. I have chosen three people who I know will actually support me.

You don’t need to make it a bug announcement, really. Just ask your bridesmaids.
She will find out eventually. If it were me, I’d say “you have enough on your plate right now.” People probably tip toe around her but it does her no favors.
And...you don’t have to be around her right now. You’re not abandoning her, you’re choosing not to be around drugs and the behaviors that come with it.