Bridesmaid help!

I think it would be a nice gesture. I added my FSIL and it’s made our relationship stronger. She’s getting married two months before me and we talk about wedding stuff a lot helping each other plan.

Not unless you are already the closest of friends. It is always touchy when someone not close is mixed with your very close friends. They get a less than equal status from the others. But also, it is always touch having any attached couple in your WP. What happens if they fight, or put off their wedding, or stop seeing each other? The mess spills over. Something I for one would only tolerate from a best friend.

View Quoted Comment Thanks for the help!

View Quoted Comment We’re not really close. To be honest I never really pictured her as a bridesmaid. However, the night we got engaged she made a comment like “oh what color dresses are we wearing” insinuating shes part of the bridal party... I didn’t think anything of it until she became engaged and now I’m realizing she’s going to be in my life and our kids will be cousins. But I honestly feel like I’m only considering it out of family obligation, to keep the peace, and because she’s expecting to be a bridesmaid; not because I want to have her. Just not sure if I’m making a permanent decision off of temporary feelings.

Don’t do it out of family obligation. You aren’t close with her and I’m sure you have other friends that you already have in mind for bridesmaids. Honestly her comment may have just been an in the moment comment. I don’t think you are truly risking anything by not having her as a bridesmaid in your wedding.

View Quoted Comment I do think she was drunk when she made the comment lol and yes we have filled the spots for bridesmaids/groomsman with our closest friends/family. Another reason I’m considering it too is we originally have a cousin as an usher but we’re trying to decide if we should make him a groomsman or lot. If we made him a groomsman then technically a spot opens up which I could give to her. The groom and the cousin are relatively close. Do you think we should include the cousin or keep him as an usher as planned?

View Quoted Comment Ahhhh then the question is did the discussion of making cousin a groomsman come up before or after the discussion of her being a bridesmaid? If after then it seems more like you two are trying to make a place for her. If cousin being a groomsman is truly something your FH has been thinking about and was thinking about it even before, then go with cousin being a groomsman and since there is now a spot maybe ask her to be a bridesmaid.

View Quoted Comment Yes the discussion of having him as a groomsman was brought up before but I told him we didn’t have room bc I didn’t have enough girls so someone needed to be cut and he decided to make the cousin an usher. Then once she made the comment and got engaged, the dynamics changed a little. however our relationship didn’t change so sticky situation

View Quoted Comment This post says it all: do not make her a bridesmaid. You would regret it. Even if she had not been so presumptuous as to let out her expectation. She has an upcoming wedding of her own. Refer to that any time people bring it up, before saying, and I wanted long term friends I have known many years. Don't be pushed or bullied. It is not anyone's choice but yours. Not traditional, not customary, not etiquette to choose this soon to be in-law. No reason people can give. The only one who chooses your attendants is you. Not even FI should choose for you, or you for him.

View Quoted Comment Very good points, thank you!!

I agree with pp stating don’t do it for familial obligations. But I do get the idea of wanting to offer an Olive branch to strengthen your relationship with her

If she’s one of your closest friends and you can’t imagine getting married without her by your side, sure. If not, no.

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Yup, I definitely side with Melle here

That is up to you. You don’t have to

Not if you aren't close. I wouldn't do it because you feel obligated.

The only way you should put someone in the bridesmaid role is if you cannot picture your wedding day without them by your side. Being a bridesmaid in someones wedding doesn't mean instant bond and instant closeness. If you aren't close it can often make people feel awkward. The only people standing by your side on that day should be the ones you cannot imagine your special day without. Those roles are an honor. Not out of family obligation, aesthetics, numbers or whatever other silly reason...

View Quoted Comment No problem. I hope your situation works out in your favor !!!

Are your groomsmen coming from the side to stand with FI, as usual, or coming down the aisle ( less common)?

Don't do it if it means nothing. If you two are close, then yes of course. You should not be obligated to include someone just to make other people happy.

Don't do it out of obligation. I feel like I was in my brother's wedding because my SIL felt obligated or something, not sure where that sense of obligation came from as we weren't close in HS and weren't close when she and my brother got together or became engaged. I felt like the odd man out the entire time and wasn't formally invited to the Bachelorette (was told about it as an afterthought), nor was I included in other wedding planning things she did with her friends. I told my mom and brother that she didn't need to include me so not sure where it all came from but was in the sticky place of not wanting to offend her or hurt her feelings and not wanting to be involved. I wasn't even included in any of the fun pics she took with the other bridesmaids because my brother needed help so her mom and I went early to help make sure everything was set up. We are closer now but they've been married about 6 years.