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Savvy October 2020

Bridesmaid issue....

Olivia, on March 9, 2020 at 2:09 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 19

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So I’m getting married October 3rd... a few weeks ago I had a bridesmaid ask me “so how much money is thing thing gonna cost me?” Before I could even talk to her.... then she told me again before I could answer that question that she probably won’t be in my wedding because of money.... I explained I didn’t expect her to spent a lot of money. But I also told her if she was comfortable with spending $150 on a dress then it was fine she didn’t have to be in it. Then she got mad at me for saying that. And proceeded to tell me that it’s ridiculous I’m getting married because she’s been engaged for 7 years with no talk of a wedding. And now she won’t speak to me.... I’m just wondering if maybe I should bite the bullet and tell her not to worry about the wedding or what... their dresses will need to be ordered in the next month or so. I’m also planning my wedding by myself INCLUDING my bachelorette party because none of my girls will even help me. My MOH is my little sister (17) so she doesn’t know much about it so i DONT blame her. But this one girl is already causing me stress.

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Latest activity by Angel, on March 31, 2020 at 6:43 PM

Expert July 2021
Chelsea · on March 9, 2020 at 2:17 PM
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Seems likes shes jealous and looking for a way out. Not a true friend. When you ask a bridesmaid they should know it cost money to be in a wedding...
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Devoted December 2021
Katlyn · on March 9, 2020 at 2:18 PM
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Honestly sounds like your BM is jealous. And you seem to be very cordial about telling her it was ok if she couldn't spend the $150. If it is already causing this much drama, I would say don't have her in your wedding party. She can be involved in your wedding in another way, if you still want her involved.
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Savvy October 2020
Olivia · on March 9, 2020 at 2:19 PM
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That’s exactly what I’m feeling as well. Like she of course bashed the dress I chose for them... and i hate it because her fiancé is also in our wedding. We are close to this couple. So close I asked for their daughter to be a flower girl. And when we went to the venue (the day I chose the venue) she turned to me to inform me she didn’t want to deal with her during the reception so she didn’t want her daughter at the wedding.... so it’s just getting stressful.
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Devoted May 2021
Jasmine · on March 9, 2020 at 2:28 PM
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Nope she got to go, she sounds jealous that she isn’t married yet. The drama with her will not end and there’s nothing you can do about because you are not the root cause from where it’s coming.
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Expert October 2021
Megan · on March 9, 2020 at 2:31 PM
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It doesn't sound like she should be a bridesmaid--I wouldn't ask her to be one.
You also probably shouldn't be planning your own pre-wedding parties no matter the age of your MOH--they're parties thrown in your honor. Also, anyone (all bridesmaids included) can throw you a bach, it doesn't have to be your MOH.
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Expert May 2021
Chantal · on March 9, 2020 at 2:31 PM
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I don't think this is someone who should be a BM. When they stand beside you during the wedding, it's symbolic of them standing besides you during your relationship and supporting you. Those messages don't sound supportive in the least. I see it this way: You wanna be a bridesMAID? Then you can't be a drama QUEEN.
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Savvy October 2020
Olivia · on March 9, 2020 at 2:48 PM
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That’s the problem. Like non of my girls think they “know enough” to plan my Bach. Like I’ve literally given ideas and stuff and no ones cared. Only one of my BM have made an effort but it’s because she is a singer and traveling for shows and recording her EP so she’s worried she won’t get to make the actual Bach so she’s planned ya a trip for me and her in April.
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Savvy October 2020
Olivia · on March 9, 2020 at 2:48 PM
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LOVE THIS!!!!
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Savvy October 2020
Olivia · on March 9, 2020 at 2:49 PM
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I’m really concerned about it. Like especially since she won’t speak to me right now. I can’t handle wishy washy planning my WEDDING! Like I was talking to my fiancé about it and he said that this isn’t a party on a Saturday night that they can wait till last minute and not show up to....
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Legend June 2019
Melle · on March 9, 2020 at 2:52 PM
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The money issue is valid because personally it could cost a lot being in someone’s bridal party. I’m in one now and I’ve got a ton of travel costs but at the end of the day I’d make sure I can do it. but the other parts where she’s saying you’re getting married before her, she’s being way over the line. I say just let her drop out.
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Savvy May 2020
Rachel · on March 9, 2020 at 2:56 PM
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Yeah sounds like this girl isn’t going to bring you joy on your wedding day. Even if she turns around her attitude she’s going to be resentful and that’s going to come out and affect you even if it’s in a less noticeable way. I’d say make the ex executive decision and pull the plug on her as a BM. Sorry honey you don’t deserve that!!
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Savvy May 2020
Rachel · on March 9, 2020 at 2:57 PM
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Agreed!!!!
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Expert July 2021
Chelsea · on March 9, 2020 at 3:09 PM
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I really dont understand her mood I guess. Maybe talk to him? 150 for a dress is decent. I have been in 4 weddings and the most ive paid was 325 but the two cheapest were 120 and the flower girls dress you can always fine a cute little simple dress for $50... Im assuming her daughter means something to you so the fact that shes your flower girl of course you want her to be their.. Even if it means someone comes and picks her up later in the night when things get crazy.. idk Good luck! Maybe have your groom talk to him and than bring the ideas to her.
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Devoted May 2021
Jasmine · on March 9, 2020 at 3:09 PM
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I say listen to your man! He’s got your back!
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Super March 2020
Jennifer · on March 9, 2020 at 3:32 PM
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Engaged for 7 years? I would have said my goodbyes a long time ago. Sorry, just had to throw out my opinion on that. Lol
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Expert May 2016
needmorewine · on March 9, 2020 at 4:07 PM
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Did you consult each of your bridesmaids about their budget for the dress before choosing it? Complaints about the cost are totally valid if their budgets weren't considered.
She shouldn't be taking out her frustrations about her own relationship on you, which is what it sounds like she's doing.
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VIP March 2015
Nefetera · on March 9, 2020 at 6:36 PM
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Seems as to me she is jealous and what she stated isnt her concern. I wouldnt want her in my wedding seem as if itll be a problem regardless
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Dedicated September 2021
Th · on March 9, 2020 at 10:43 PM
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My best friend had a girl like this in here wedding, asked her to be in it bc they have been friends for a long time but this girl pretty much bashed all her ideas and complained about cost the entire time and then last min bailed out causing my friend extra unneeded stress and a big fight. She ended up just coming as a guest even though they never fully made up which I think my friend was happy she was still there. Long story short, save yourself the trouble and sit her down and tell her being in a wedding party is going to cost some money and you totally understand if she doesn’t want to or can’t afford to do that. She can still attend your wedding, but planning a wedding is stressful enough without someone complaining to you every step of the way. I know when someone asks me I wouldn’t agree if I couldn’t afford it
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Expert August 2020
Angel · on March 31, 2020 at 6:43 PM
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Oh hellllll no. I'd drop her right then & there. Sounds quite jealous to me - I can't believe her comment about being engaged 7 years. That really sucks that her fiance is in the wedding too... I can see how that makes it harder. But she's being way too rude and difficult, it's pretty clear she's only going to cause problems and make things less than pleasant for you.
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Bridesmaid issue....

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