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January 2019

Bridesmaid Issue

Tina, on August 23, 2019 at 1:59 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 12
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Hi this is not a question for me, but my best friend getting married in 4 months.

Our good friend “Claire” who is a bridesmaid has been extremely difficult and secretive. Everything that the bride has planned, this bridesmaid Claire, has not yet made it to any event. Claire had an issue from the beginning, that the bride just so happened to get engaged the same weekend as Claire’s bridal shower (the future bride was “stealing” her weekend). Bride didn’t want to make a big deal out of it, we know Claire is a little egocentric. Next we find out that Claire has worn the bridesmaid dress to a major event &posted it all over social media 6 months before the actual wedding. Bride was upset, but didn’t really say much to Claire. Now Claire has secretly told other bridesmaids... not the bride... that she can’t come to the bridal shower (that she knew about over a year ago...) because it is her anniversary week... didn’t know that was a thing lol. Just looking for advice!! I don’t know if I’m upset because our friend stinks, or if I’m being petty. Should we say nothing and let her show up to the wedding as a bridesmaid, or do something about it?

12 Comments

Latest activity by MrsHamm, on September 4, 2019 at 4:45 PM
  • Sarah
    Master September 2019
    Sarah ·
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    You do nothing. Bridesmaids aren’t required to attend the shower. Whatever is going on between them is between them.
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  • Amber
    Master February 2020
    Amber ·
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    She just sounds like a petty person. If she doesn't want to participate, don't make her. You'll probably have a better time without her.

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  • B
    Super July 2018
    Brittany ·
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    The thing is if the bride asks Claire to not be in the bridal party anymore it will end the friendship and since you are friends with both of them Claire will probably make you "choose a side" so your friendship with Claire could end too.

    So do you guys just feel like Claire is way too selfish to be friends with? Does her "more difficult" qualities outweigh her positive ones? Do you think the bride could talk to Claire and tell her how she's feeling? If so, let the bride do that alone because if you both talk to her Claire will get overly defensive and won't be willing to have a heart to heart.

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  • Marcus & Marlisa
    Devoted June 2021
    Marcus & Marlisa ·
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    I say if she doesn't show up to the shower then it's her loss. Wearing the dress was too extreme. It was Actually very rude. I understand she purchased it but she could've waited until after the wedding to wear it a second time. And I guess I can see her celebrating her anniversary for a week. I would do that too but the courteous thing to do would be to have said it was her anniversary A YEAR AGO when this was planned. Maybe it could've been pushed back a little so she could attend at that moment. I agree with PP, she is being really petty but at this point, I would let it play out and let her come to the wedding but the moment that she shows any signs of being petty at the wedding,then I would demote her to an audience member.
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  • M
    Legend June 2019
    Melle ·
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    It's ok she doesn't go to pre wedding events but what she did with the dress is so rude omg. I mean it's really up to the bride on whether she's ok with keeping her since her main duty is showing up at wedding with the dress. But man she sounds kind of terrible...
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  • Shanita
    Dedicated September 2020
    Shanita ·
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    Honestly, if it were me...at this point her attendance as a GUEST would be optional.

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  • MD
    Super July 2019
    MD ·
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    Wearing the dress to an event before seems super weird to me, but the other stuff not so much. You can't make her go to events. I'm not sure there's much the bride can/should do.

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  • Michaela
    Super May 2020
    Michaela ·
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    Good advice Brittany!!

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  • Yana
    Dedicated October 2019
    Yana ·
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    I get why people are dating bridesmaids aren’t obligated to going to your events but like… your bridesmaid is obviously one of your closest friends. You obviously want your close friend at your event so I understand being upset if your close friend can’t be there for you. Wearing the bridesmaid dress to another event is super weird though… anniversary week? That seems a bit much. If it’s on their actual anniversary or the only weekend they can celebrate around their event I do get why she would spend the time with her fiancé. She’s not gonna forget about her own fiancé and her special events just for this bride, no? Regardless of who’s right or wrong the bride needs to have a conversation with her and talk it out!
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  • Naikesha
    Super September 2020
    Naikesha ·
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    So I understand your concern but the bride needs to speak to Claire alone. If she is hurt by Clair’s actions she needs to speak up about it. If she feels that wearing the dress (which by the way is puzzling) is wrong she needs to address it.
    The bride may not be a confrontational person or way too lauded back but you are supposed to choose your BMs as your close friends/family so she should be able to openly speak to her about it.
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  • October2019
    Dedicated October 2019
    October2019 ·
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    I would stay out of it. I see it from both sides. I wouldn't care if anyone wore their dress. Some of my BMs are wearing past bridesmaids dresses any way. As for the anniversary week well depending on how good of friends she is with the bride wouldn't you know when her wedding anniversary is and not plan a bridal shower on it? I think both need to talk and make an decide if they are going to be friends if so they both need to start acting like it. I got engaged four days before my friend's wedding I didn't say anything, so that it would take attention from his wedding. People found out my friend wasn't angry every one was happy for both of us.
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  • MrsHamm
    Dedicated September 2019
    MrsHamm ·
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    You do nothing. Let the bride handle it with her. I've seen friendships end because of weddings. It's not an easy thing for any bride to go through with a bridesmaid because it means the friendship is over.

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