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Kelsey
Devoted September 2018

Bridesmaid stress

Kelsey, on September 20, 2018 at 6:24 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 20
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So we are 8 days out until our wedding day. Well one of my bridesmaids that I’ve known for 11 years is really stressing me out. Today I got a text saying there are issues and we needed to talk. So I called her and she just unloads that 1. They can’t find someone to watch their daughter (it’s a destination wedding) so I told her to bring her and she said flights are too expensive. 2. Her husband can’t get off of work suddenly. 3. Davids Bridal sent her the wrong size dress and basically told her too bad. So I was like ok well let me call Davids bridal. She said don’t worry about it, she was going to a different location to see if they could help her. Well I called anyways and they had no record of her ordering a dress. Just an started order that never went through that was placed two days ago. The lady I spoke with was very nice and said if we call them, they can make sure we have something by then. So my gut is saying something isn’t right. So I tried calling her, it rang once and went to voicemail. Tried again, straight to voicemail, so I wrote her saying they can get a dress but we’d need to call now. And if She can’t go I’d understand but I need to know what’s going on. Well her reply later was confusing and I’m not sure what to think. I asked her to send me her flight itinerary cause I kept forgetting the flight times and she never did. So I just don’t know what to think. I’m tryong to give her the benefit of the doubt, but she has a past of not always being honest. Like I totally get if she couldn’t go or afford it, but don’t tell me a week before the wedding! I’m just a mess.

20 Comments

Latest activity by Mrs. J, on September 25, 2018 at 10:27 AM
  • Kristen
    VIP August 2018
    Kristen ·
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    It sounds like she may not be planning to go. If that's the case it's really out of line for her to go about it in this way instead of just telling you straight out.

    I think you might have to plan for her to not be there with you guys :/

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  • KiwiDerbyBride
    VIP May 2015
    KiwiDerbyBride ·
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    I suspect she’s not going to attend and doesn’t have the guts to tell you so. At this point I would hope for the best (she’s there) and plan for the worst (she’s not there). It’s a shame she can’t find a way to tell you, if this is the case, but I hope it’s not friendship ending for you two.

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  • Tina
    Super August 2019
    Tina ·
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    Aww...she doesnt want to disappoint you so she's not being honest. Don't worry too much about it. Those who are meant to be there will be there. Its super annoying that your trying to figure this out just to find out she's not being honest. Sorry this happened
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  • S
    Dedicated October 2018
    Susan ·
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    I hate to tell you what you don’t want to hear, but it sounds like she’s wanting a way out. It may be due to money or something else, but I think she’s hoping you’ll tell her she doesn’t have to come. Smiley sad
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  • c
    Super May 2019
    c ·
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    It sounds like (to me) she wasn’t planning to go to begin with. I would just tell her you understand she can’t make it and that maybe you both can celebrate after you get back. I would be super fuming inside though but wouldn’t try to let it show.
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  • Kayla
    September 2020
    Kayla ·
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    Yes everyone prior has the right idea. She isn’t going so just count her out at this point. Personally I wouldnt reach out to her again. You know the truth so now go to the next step. I’d call her maybe when you get back but let it go for now.!
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  • C
    Master July 2018
    Cuoghi ·
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    I think you need to just out right tell her it is ok if she doesnt go. She is looking for an out, it sounds like cant afford it?
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  • Christina
    Just Said Yes June 2020
    Christina ·
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    Sound like she doesn't want to tell you that she can't be apart of your big day. She's coming up with all sorts of excuses as to why she can't make it. Maybe she feels as though she would hurt your feelings by telling you the truth. At the same time she doesn't realize she is causing issues in you guys friendship by not being honest. Lying about receiving a dress too small would've took the cake for me. Either way try not to stress! This is YOUR day, enjoy it and talk to her when you get back.
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  • Eamsee
    Super June 2019
    Eamsee ·
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    Yup, I second this.

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  • Beauty of the Beast
    Dedicated May 2019
    Beauty of the Beast ·
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    Wow! I’m so sorry hun...
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  • LoweryForLife
    Devoted December 2018
    LoweryForLife ·
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    Oh I'm so sorry Smiley sad It sounds like she's scared of the confrontation of telling you she just can't make it. That's probably why she doesn't seem concerned about the dress. I'd probably text her and say something like "I'm so sorry you're struggling. Its really okay if you can't make it. Just please let me know what's going on so I can plan Smiley smile"

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  • C
    Super October 2018
    Cassandra ·
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    I agree with the others, she is not lying to hurt you, but to avoid confrontation.

    Just message her and say, I understand a destination wedding is hard to do especially when you have a family. If you can’t make the wedding, as much as I want you there, I understand and I am not upset if you can’t make it. I would love to do dinner with you afterwards. I just need a definite answer so I can finalize plans. But I love you and whatever you do, is understandable. 😁
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  • Meesh
    Expert October 2018
    Meesh ·
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    This is a great response to give her!! But I really wish she were more upfront and honest with you instead of lying and then avoiding you. That's the worst! We went through the same thing with our supposed Best Man-FH called him a month before the wedding only THEN to find out he decided he was not going to attend. It was hurtful and showed us who are true friends really are, but we've moved on and are just going with the guys and gals we already have scheduled minus one. Keep moving forward and enjoy your day!! Smiley smile

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  • NextChapterReady
    Super October 2019
    NextChapterReady ·
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    That sounds like a terrible situation to place you in! Smiley sad If she lives nearby I might try to go see her in person to talk face-to-face and really get a sense of what's going on. If not, I would send a firm text or voicemail letting her know that you have to have an answer as to whether on not she will be able to attend. if she dodges that, I'd say she won't be coming Smiley sad

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  • M
    Dedicated July 2018
    Mandy ·
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    Sounds like it might be a money issue. Maybe she is embarrassed and doesn’t have the balls to just tell you. I bet it’s not meant to be hurtful to you. She probably just doesn’t know how to communicate her feelings to you and is concerned about confontation and hurting you! Try to be as understanding and you can be. Sucks to be in that position but, if you come in at it with that perspective you may able to save the friendship and not let it become too much drama.
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  • M
    Just Said Yes January 2020
    Marcus ·
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    Sounds like she is going to bale and not come, by the sounds of things she never intended on going, would make plans to have wedding without her.

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  • J
    Master 0000
    Judith ·
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    This. You have been friends this long, she must have something causing awful, unexpected financial pressure.Maybe her husband did something stupid, and getting partial refunds on their tickets plus not spending more on the trip, will get them out of a big hole. Meanwhile, you know she sincerely cares for all this time, it must be bad. So be a friend, first. Call, leave a message if you do not get her. Say it is all right if she cannot come. Let her off the hook. You will miss her, but it's not like the groom is not coming. And having her as a friend the next 11 years is most important. Don't lose the relationship.
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  • R
    Devoted November 2021
    Rachel ·
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    My best friend had a very similar issue when it came to a groomsmen, her hubby's brother, and one of the flower girls who was said groomsmen's daughter. They said that they had bought stuff and never really had. My friend ended up paying for a lot of what the two needed for the wedding, like shoes and such just days before the wedding. You need to sit down and have a serious talk with her and probably just remove her from the wedding


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  • Kayla
    Savvy September 2018
    Kayla ·
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    I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this stress. To be honest it sounds like she either messed up and procrastinated and realized she was screwed... or she just is not interested in going. I would just let her know it’s best if she didn’t come and try to enjoy your day! It’s terrible she waited so long to tell you. She sounds like she’s an important person to you I would have a conversation with her when the time is right. You never know what happend but to go to great lengths to lie so much is hurtful.
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  • Mrs. J
    Expert October 2018
    Mrs. J ·
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    Yeah I would plan at this point that she isn't coming. Smiley sad It sounds like she never really had intentions of coming, either. I'm really sorry you're going through this. Try not to let it affect your special day.

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