Bridesmaid that quit

Same can apply to groomsmen as well. My FH wasn't in his brother's bridal party because the bride pulled a bunch of stunts like this, and was incredibly rude about it. He was unemployed at the time of their wedding, so he couldn't afford the $250 Vera Wang tux rental. She basically screamed at him to "find some way to pay for it or not be a groomsman!" Guess what he picked. FH doesn't regret it.

This is why I absolutely insisted on paying for the dresses. It makes no sense to me that anyone could even dare to ask someone to pay $300 for a dress. I've been in financial places where I can't buy food, let alone something like that. I've been in two weddings and I did not pay for the dresses, and I refused to let my bridesmaids.

Yes, if you're going to be laid back, then BE LAID BACK. Don't claim to be laid back, and then get mad when people who you've given close to ZERO direction aren't doing what you want. . .

Stories like this just affirm my not having a bridal party was a good idea. . .

Totally see this from the BM point of view. I accepted to be in a wedding in January. Totally wish I could step down, but she didn't start acting cray cray until maybe 2 months ago.

That would be bridemaid was just a little crazy herself.

Also, bridesmaids dresses don't have to cost over $100, all my girls got theirs for $49. I had a say in the dress (specifically colors), but I wasn't set on a certain dress. I'm blessed that one of my bridesmaids wanted to help pick out the dresses for everyone. I did have one girl "quit" from being a bridesmaid, its a weird situation...

and for the Bride paying for the bridesmaid's dress, thats not neccessary. A wedding already costs $$$$, its perfectly acceptable to have the maids pay for their gown. If they don't want to pay they shold decline in the first place, I do agree, but NO ONE should assume that their dress is being bought by someone else (this happened in my case).

If you're picking ANYTHING about the dress, color, style, fabric, anything and they do not already own that piece, it doesn't matter if its $10 or $500. You should pay.

There have been too many times in my life where even $50 for a dress was not doable. And I would never embarrass someone by forcing them to come and tell me that.

I'm aware that most people don't agree, or buying the dress for your maids would be the custom. But I still will never understand, what "honor" is it to stand up there, that they should pay for the honor? They are supporting you. You should feel honored, not them.

Here is a tidbit I wrote to my MOH when she was going through a tough time about 8 months ago. She wrote me this very apologetic email about how sorry she was that she couldn't support me in the wedding planning process. This isn't the whole email - but you get the gist....

To my apologetic MOH:

NO NO NO NO NO! You are FINE! I can handle this from here. Seriously - all I want is for you to be there with me to giggle while we get pretty, make sure I'm not a TOTAL MESS that day, and stand up at the alter with me so I don't fall down. I mean it. That's all you have to do. I'm 48. There's no shower and no bachelorette. No bullshit.

The end of this story is you have NOTHING to be sorry for, and as long as you're in Virginia on 7 November next year, you never will. We will make this happen together. I love you so much. There's a reason I asked you to be my MOH. If I wanted someone to be there every step of the way, I could have asked someone local. If I wanted someone who could afford huge parties and to take me to Vegas, I would have asked one of my rich friends. NONE OF THAT IS IMPORTANT. You are important to me, and that's all that matters.

She was much, much happier after getting the email. I'm so glad she's still in my wedding.

As awful as this sounds I never want to be a BM. I know I will be asked but really I rather not. One of my friends (and BM) was saying this past weekend when it's her turn she wants to run and do it in Italy just her and him. OMG a wave of relief washed over me. There's one BM who I know I will be asked and I know she will be 50 shades of crazy. She told me I can't be her MOH cuz I didn't make her mine (keep in mind I don't have a MOH). I pray to God she keeps that promise cuz I really really really don't want to be her MOH. She has a sister so here's hoping!

There was fault on both sides of that story, just like there is in every story you hear here on WW. It's not always just a crazy bride.

I was a BM in a friends 2 weeks before my own wedding. It seriously had no drama, besides one girl who wanted to be a groomwoman more than a bridesmaid. She's obsessed with the groom!

And I may have had a bridezilla moment or two to one bridesmaid, but she was being difficult.

I love my no BP couples.....

I'm already an overly-sensitive person as it is, so, I've been overly accomodating trying to get my bridal party to be happy because being a BM seems like it's kind of a bitch.

Lol M are you kidding?

I actually AM buying my bridesmaids dresses to the tune over almost an additional $800, and even I don't think that should be mandatory for the honor of standing up next to me. If someone doesn't have the money to do it, they have the ability to say "out of my budget" or "can you work with my budget".

If it were me and I had a bridesmaid that truly wasn't happy and through I was going crazy, I would rather her step down than be unhappy dealing with me and wedding related things, any day.

I had two of my girls step down .. last month? They were both my FH best friends.. And I honestly can't tell you how relieved I am that they're no longer in the wedding. They were over dramatic and acted jealous for no reason.. I told my girls I just want a purple dress.. whatever the were comfortable in .. every single one is totally different, and I could care less. Their dresses were $140ish, each, and I paid $100 on both because I knew "money was tight" (she just got major plastic surgery so I don't know how true that was - but whatever, I did it because I wanted to and never asked either for the money back), and was going to pay for hair and make-up until they told me they didn't have to tell me shit about what they wanted until they felt like it, called me a dumb spineless bitch via status on Facebook... and would flip out on my pregnant BM when she told them they might want to attend the rehearsal instead of go out partying the night before since the venue was large and spread out - they told her to shove it, etc...

It's not always the brides, sometimes it really is the bridesmaids, even though the brides you see on TV make me sick and embarrassed for them. Yuk!

I agree with janeen. my bridesmaids paid for their dresses and expected to but i made sure it cost something that they would be able to pay...not some outrageous price.

like i've said a million times......if i were asked to be a bridesmaid i would expect to pay some money. when you're asked to be a bridesmaid you're not just some acquaintance..this is someone that is a good friend....i would WANT to make this day and process the happiest for my friend that i could and i would pay what was asked of me. if i didn't think i could do it i would let that person know.

Weird. I had this conversation with my MOH last night. We are trying to schedule a day for dress fitting with some of my bridesmaids. I was talking to her about not wanting anyone to feel pressured to buy anything and that I am willing to pay if necessary/desired. She said the same thing as Ally, that when people say yes, they generally expect to pay some money. Since five of the six of them got married in the last 18 months and none of them bought their bridesmaid dresses (I was in three of the five), they probably aren't expecting me to pay either. I will still offer if necessary. If any of my bms can't be in my wedding for financial reasons, I would gladly pay for everything. I luckily have that privilege, not everyone is in that same situation.

I was MOH for one of my bm's last year and she selected an almost $300 gown that we had to buy. Even though she asked for our budgets and everyone said we would be more comfortable in the $150 range if possible. So I ended up buying this $300 gown (floor length to boot) for an outdoor wedding in July. It's not really the coolest time of year to get married in Nebraska, and the ceremony lasted what felt like a lifetime. She's in my wedding now, and has given me a budget that she can work with. Only thing that made me laugh is she also mentioned how she's glad I'm not going to make them pay an arm and a leg for a dress because "spending over $200 is asinine"...

Oy. I'm so glad that my BMs and I all kept the bullshit to a minimal/nonexistent level. They did buy the dress that I chose-I respected their budgets and came in under. I've had 1 dress bought and 1 dress that I bought when I was previously a bridesmaid. It's nice if you are able to buy dresses but not mandatory-that's just not reality for many people. I didn't force hair/makeup/nails on anyone, didn't give a hoot about shoes and if they matched & really all I asked was that they be in my city for the rehearsal. They were more than happy to do that.

It's been said a million times but take your time & choose your BP carefully. Presumably you know if someone has the potential to go batshit for no reason or is an attention-seeking drama queen. Those are the folks that should probably be a guest book attendant or just a guest.

We're having one attendant each - his brother as the GM, my friend as the BM. I'm paying for her dress because her money situation is tight. We bought her plane ticket as well and I don't regret that for a second. She's under no obligation to plan anything - my mom and another friend are hosting the bridal shower, I don't even remotely care about a bachelorette party, etc.

I want this to be as stress free as possible so a large bridal party was completely not happening, ever. I used to cringe when they'd come into the bridal shop... i think there was one bridal party that wasn't a complete disaster. Every other one though... nightmares.

Kristin- I didn't read this yet but check your messages!