Bridesmaid trouble

You mentioned a hotel. How far from home was this bach? She may have been jetlagged and tired if she had to travel a long way.

If you kick her out of the bridal party or ask her to step down it is friendship ending. Maybe something else is going on her life that could explain why she was acting that way. Is that normal behavior for her? What is your relationship to her?


Idk when you are getting married but there isn’t much you can do that won’t ruin the relationship.

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It was about 5 hours away. We were there 4 days and she was like this the whole time

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I'm not thinking of kicking her out but wondering if I should talk to her about this? She's a good friend from a few years back and we've remained close but lived far away from each other so I can't say if she's like this all the time. She used to not be. My other bridesmaids said her being such a downer kind of ruined their fun and they felt like they had to work extra hard to counteract it

I don’t think there is anything for you to do or say. The bachelorette party is over so no point in revisiting that behavior. Also, If the other bridesmaids don’t enjoy her company, that is fine. I assume You picked her to be in the bridal party because you enjoy her company and that is what matters. If the rest of the bridal party doesn’t like her they’ll just have to suck it up for one night.


If you are worried she will be a downer at the wedding I would address it by telling all the bridesmaids that on your big day the energy is very important to you and you hope everyone can be excited and positive throughout the day. I wouldn’t single her out specifically and would have the conversation with all the bridesmaids at once.

View Quoted Comment This is very good advice. I would approach it the same way.

View Quoted Comment I agree with this

View Quoted Comment I agree with this. Your bridesmaids don't have to like her or even want to sit with her, but they need to suck it up for you. Not all wedding party members will get along but they need to be a mature adult about the situation because the wedding isn't about them its about the 2 people getting married. I'd have a talk with the ladies and let them know that you aren't asking them to become best friends with her but that you will expect them to suck up their feelings for her for your wedding. I'd also mention that you aren't going to tolerate any bad behavior. I'd also have a talk with this bridesmaid over her behavior at the Bachelorette party and see what is going on with her and why she was being a downer?

I would give her a call and ask how she's doing. Maybe she's not used to being around a bunch of girls she doesn't know. There could be something else going on, like being low on money, or being jealous of your new friends, or it could have been PMS. Maybe if you point out examples of concern she'll get the hint. Do you have any other events left besides the wedding?

View Quoted Comment This times a million. Nothing to do or say. The party where all the bridesmaids hang out for a weekend is over, so if the other girls don’t like her much….whatever. They can play nice or simply ignore her for a few hours getting ready and taking pictures.


But really— please dont talk to *her* about it. The only thing that would accomplish would be to make her feel bad. And for what purpose? The effect wouldn’t make her get along with the others better, it would probably make her more subdued and quiet and disinterested in talking/hanging with the others— hearing this from a good friend would make her become a downer, bc how could it not? I know I would have a hard time pretending to be excited after hearing that from a group, it certainly wouldn’t make me more eager to participate.

I wouldn't say anything to her. Just move forward. I do wonder though, if something happened that you don't know about. For instance, maybe she overheard someone saying something about her at the bach party. People always think things like that can't or won't happen, but I know two people who were kind of the outsiders in a wedding party that actively heard other members saying rude and snarky things about them. Especially because it sounds like she is the only one not in a group with the rest of your bridal party, I truly hope she wasn't being gaslighted by some mean girls.

Also, I am not sure its "Needless to say, none of the girls like her and don't want to sit with her at the wedding or hang out with her." That's a pretty big leap. I would never, ever tell the bride that I don't want to hang out with or sit with a fellow member of the wedding party. Its one more day they need to suck it up.

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The girls actually told me they don't like her vibe and don't want to sit with her

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This would be a good time to say that they don't get to make the seating arrangements. I don't think you should talk to the unpopular BM, because honestly can you imagine that conversation going well? I can't.

Sounds like the drama now is coming from your "girls".

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That's just some high school mean girl nonsense. It's not surprising that the one bridesmaid wasn't comfortable during the bachelorette weekend if that's how the others treat people.

They need to grow up and behave like the adults they supposedly are. They don't need to be friends or even like each other, it won't kill them to sit with her to eat dinner. They'll have each other and their SO's/plus one's to talk to.

Not everyone has the same social vibe. And sometimes people aren’t their best when meeting new people.
Not to speak badly of your other friends…but when in a situation where one person doesn’t seem to be having a good time, my first impulse is to try put them at ease.
It sounds like she didn’t know anyone else there but you, she was possibly ill at ease. As far as not sitting with her at the wedding… what on earth?

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Okay, this isn't just a single bridesmaid issue, this is a whole party issue. Everyone here is an adult, as adults, your other bridesmaids should've been able to have a decent weekend on their own and not worry about the other girl. Her happiness or unhappiness has nothing to do with them, and if they can't suck up dealing with her for one more night then they need a reality check as well. Sure, it's a bummer when one person isn't really in a great mood, but to say they don't want to sit with her is such high school drama bullsh.t that isn't needed at all. I agree with other suggestions to have a talk with all of them just saying that you really want to have good vibes on your day from everyone. If those girls are sick of the other one they have NO right to tell you that. They can keep it to themselves. Sitting next to her for dinner will not kill them and they need to grow up and deal with it as it's part of being a bridesmaid and being there for the bride.

Before we dive too far down the rabbit hole, how has her general attitude been since you asked her to be a bridesmaid? Was she excited when you asked her, or was she just kind of like, "Yeah, whatever"? Also, what was your relationship like before you asked her? Was she always a close friend, was she a more recently made friend, or had you been distant in any way? Did she go along with bridesmaid dress shopping? If she's been cooperative up until now, then I would say maybe something is going on, on her end, that maybe she's not ready to talk about, and you should find a time to talk about it with her privately. If she's dropped any hints up until now, though, that maybe she didn't want to be a bridesmaid to begin with, then maybe perhaps she's finally hit her limit. Either way, you need to speak with her sooner rather than later. You don't want her still being moody and difficult at your wedding. If she's under stress, maybe there's something that you and/or the other bridesmaids can do to help relieve it.

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I don't think you should try to manage relationships between adults. They will work it out, or not, but it will all be fine on your wedding day, because you don't actually need all of your bridal party to be friends on your wedding day.