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Beginner November 2021

Bridesmaid who didn’t get to bring fiancé

Anna, on August 8, 2021 at 9:39 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 9
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So I’ll preface this by saying I got divorced when the bride got engaged. I invited both the groom and her to my own rehearsal dinner and wedding while they were just dating (not yet engaged). I was divorced a couple years ago, and the bride was supposed to be married last year with a large wedding that got cancelled because of covid. She rescheduled to this year with a very small wedding of less than 30 people. Between the originally planned date and this wedding, I found someone new, we moved in together, bought a home, and got engaged. When the bride sent me her updated wedding info, I was not yet formally engaged but we had bought a home and were living together. She informed me she would not be giving any plus 1s due to it being a small wedding (understandable under the circumstances), and I was under the impression it was only going to be family and bridesmaid/groomsmen at the wedding. Fast forward to the wedding and I was the only person in attendance without my SO. It wasn’t just married couples either. Someone got to bring their girlfriend and there was a couple that weren’t even in the bridal party that were invited to the wedding. I can’t help but feel like my relationship was the only one that wasn’t seen as valid. I don’t know if it’s because I’ve been divorced so she didn’t see the validity in me finding someone new to spend my life with, but my feelings are hurt. I know she hasn’t met my fiancé, and she had at least met the other SO’s that were invited, but she told me no one was getting a plus 1, so I feel lied to. I haven’t said anything to the bride because I don’t want to make it a big deal and I’m genuinely happy for her wedding and don’t want to be selfish, but I don’t think I’ll ever be able to look at her the same way after this. Am I overreacting? Is this common?

9 Comments

  • A
    Super December 2020
    Anais ·
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    That is incredibly rude to value others’ relationship and not yours. She basically lied to you and said she wasn’t giving plus 1s. And, people in a relationship aren’t considered plus 1s as they’re a social unit.
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  • Jasmine S.
    VIP May 2022
    Jasmine S. ·
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    I agree this is super rude. Typically everyone in the wedding party gets to bring someone. There's something fishy that people who were only dating came as a couple, and yet your SO who you own a house with wasn't invited. If it’s really bothering you, you can try talking to the bride about it. Besides that, all you can do is decide whether this is a deal-breaker to continue the friendship or not.
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  • Jacks
    Rockstar November 2054
    Jacks ·
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    That's SO rude. I don't if you'll get anywhere by talking to her, but yeah. Rude.

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  • Sarah
    Master September 2019
    Sarah ·
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    Personally this would be a deal breaker for me. Not that she didn’t invite your SO (though that’s rude too) but the fact that she flat out lied about why he wasn’t invited. Obviously you were going to notice other plus 1s were invited at the wedding. My guess would be she lied in hopes of you not saying something to her, which to me would mean she does not value you as a friend just as much as she doesn’t respect your current relationship.
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  • Katie
    Expert August 2021
    Katie ·
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    You are right to feel like this. She was rude by not letting you bring your fiance and even ruder to lie about why. And when you are in a relationship it technically isn't a plus one. Plus ones are supposed to be for truly single people.


    This is a big topic on here. And I find that there are a lot of brides on here who validate someones relationships by how long the person been with their SO, if they are engaged or married, live with each other, or even this is a really big one if the bride or groom knows the SO or not. They make all these excuses for why they won't give someone the must value enough to have at their wedding a seat for their SO. I find it so disrespectful. You as a bride are pretty much disregarding and disrespecting someones relationships while asking this person to celebrate yours, all cause their relationship doesn't fit your standards of what is a relationship. I think some people should take a step back and realize that as an outsider it is not up to you to judge the seriousness of someone else's relationship. I don't know that's just the way I view these kinds of topics.
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  • A
    Expert September 2022
    Allie ·
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    Wow, that is some nonsense! No, you're not overreacting, and I don't believe this is common (or, if it is, it shouldn't be!!!!) I would recommend talking to her - either way the conversation goes, it will be productive. In my mind, you *could* continue silently and let it fester, but the resentment will not go away. BUT I think you should address it with her to find out whether this was a terrible mistake/misunderstanding (in which case, she will immediately recognize it, profusely apologize, and try to make it up to you somehow). -or- whether she makes excuses/brushes it off/justifies it somehow and continues to not see it from your perspective.....and then you have your answer.

    Wishing you lots of luck in this decision/conversation! You and your relationship should not have been disrespected like that.

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  • E
    Super July 2023
    Eniale ·
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    You don't just feel like you were lied to. You were lied to.

    It doesn't matter the motivation.

    SOs are not plus-ones in the first place.

    You should never have been invited without your significant other. End of discussion.

    I would say something to her. She had the nerve to not only exclude your SO, but also lie to you.

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  • Michelle
    Rockstar December 2022
    Michelle ·
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    Agree with this. What she did is offensive and disrespectful. Your significant other is an automatic invite and should have been included from the getgo. I would be hesitant to accept her excuses (some people in the current generation do not know or care about common courtesy) and I would definitely reevaluate the friendship.

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  • S
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    No you aren’t. What she did was very sneaky and honestly as a recent divorced person, you will soon realize , who you need to cut out of your life. I’m sorry, but this is a friendship that needs reevaluation
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