Bridesmaid with a... minus one?

While I do think members of the wedding party should receive a plus one, you should not have RSVP'd for him if his name or "and guest" wasn't listed on the invitation. It is ultimately up to her whether she gives plus ones.

Your boyfriend should've been invited by name whether she has met him or not. A significant other is not a true plus one and the both of you should have been invited as a social unit.

As a bridesmaid you absolutely should get a plus one. Especially for a full weekend wedding. She's being unreasonable and quite honestly a little rude and petty if this is because you couln't attend her bachelorette party. You can't really change her mind on this because it ultimately is up to her, but I would check in with her as a friend and see if everything is okay and settle any issues there may currently be that you may not even know about.

The bride is in the wrong here. You and your SO are a social unit and should be invited as such. He is not a plus one. It is rude of the bride to not invite him. It’s ok to not give truly single people a plus one but anyone in a relationship of any sort should have their SO attend. I have actually declined an invite from a close friend because my FH was not invited to her out of town wedding.

We had to limit numbers since we both have such large families, so our plus one "rule" is that if the guest and significant other have been dating for over a year the significant other is invited and their name was written on the invitation. That goes for bridal party as well. I am just now starting to get RSVPs back and I will say that it's really frustrating to have unexpected guests added. If the guest's name is not included on the invitation, that usually means they are intentionally not invited.

IMO, no one is in a position to judge the seriousness of a relationship. Some people get married after dating for a short period of time and are still happily married years later. Which is why I think anyone in a relationship, regardless of the length of the relationship, should be invited as a social unit.

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How did your close friend take it when you declined?

I agree with Sarah 100% - A wedding I was in a while back had the same thing happen and the bride and that friend are no longer friends because her friend basically said that she wouldn't attend unless she was allowed to bring her BF that no one had met. So just be careful about how you handle this issue if you don't want to lose this friendship.

I’m of the idea that if you know I’m seeing someone and you decide to intentionally leave them off your guest list because you don’t think we’ve been together long enough/aren’t serious enough/he’s a stranger, etc, then we aren’t actually friends and you can see yourself out of my life. Especially if I’m a bridesmaid/spending loads on my own money on your wedding and pre-wedding activites.

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I do have a few friends who I have explained the situation and they agree with what you have said, that if she was a 'true' friend, that no matter who I am dating or the length of time we've been together that it should not be an issue. At the same time, yes it is her wedding and its what she wishes, but Im not exactly sure if I feel offended or insulted or just upset!!

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How long had the bride and that person been friends for? Were the two close?

Hi Amanda! Wow, I'm so sorry that you are dealing with this. While it is her wedding, you guys have been friends for 10 years and you are in her wedding party. I don't know if this is her way of lashing out at you or what but I'm shocked that she responded in that way to your RSVP. She knows that you all have been seeing each other for awhile right? My only advice is to go about this in a careful way, as this situation could end up leading to a big fight and I would hate for you to lose a friend of over a decade.

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Thats honestly what I am afraid of! Some people have told me to just be like ok Im sorry you feel that way, and be on my own way and wish her the best. But thats 10 years of friendship and memories that I dont want to just throw away because I really do love her to death. I dont want to say something that I know I will regret, but as it was pointed out to me, she said things to me that shows that she has already made up her mind with a discussion about it not being an option, as her last comment to me was " sorry but it is what it is".

In my opinion, any member of the bridal party who has a SO or would like a plus one, especially for a weekend affair, should have that since they are also putting money and time into the wedding. The rest of the guest list I understand sometimes you cant afford to invite your workfriends boyfriend or your cousins girlfriend of a month. But seeing as how you are such long time friends and a member of the bridal party, she should be more open to talking about it and making it right.

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They have known each other... I think.... at least since they were in elementary or middle school, maybe even farther back. Its these 3 friends I have who I met and made friends with in high school but they had all basically known each other their entire lives so I forget at which point they all met because it was basically forever. All pretty close, doing different things with their lives and we have all moved to other parts of the country but they still stayed in regular contact.

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Oh boy! So quite some time!!

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Yes, and they don't speak at all now, like at all. It was pretty bad.

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IDK if she's being petty or not about the bachelorette party, or if they really do have limited space and she doesn't think it's appropriate to meet your BF there or not. I can't speak for that. I guess as a bride try to be in her shoes and think about how you do have to cut off the guest list somewhere? I'm not saying that's right, and I do agree with others he should have been invited, but he isn't, so, I guess you have to decide if you want to ruin a friendship over it.

On the other side of things, think of it this way, you will be at a rehearsal and rehearsal dinner, you will be getting ready, standing up in the wedding, seated with the wedding party (presumably) and you will know the bride, and all the attendants. And if you've been friends for ten years, you probably know a lot of other people there. Your BF might not know any of these people, and will likely be alone most of the time. So I guess let your BF know he's off the hook for this one, and try to enjoy your time with the bride and your friends. I guess I'm trying to say if it's not worth ruining a friendship over, don't, and try to look on the bright-side of things!

A couple of things....first of all you do not know if this is being done as retaliation or not. You are assuming that it could be but you do not know. That being said you should have been offered a plus one however, since it wasn't included on the invite then you were wrong for assuming you had one. Also, it is hard when planning a wedding, trying to stay in budget, figuring out who is or isn't in a relationship, dating etc. I am not saying that what she did is right but she had to make decisions where to cut guests and she ultimately decided to eliminate people whom she did not know. Yes that hurts as you want your SO there, the event is out of town, and she should have known that you would want him there. At the same time, since we do not know that missing the event is what caused this, she only has so much money, so much space etc so she reacted in a way she thought was right. I would give it a couple of days and sit down and talk to her. Explain to her that you are upset since your SO wasn't invited. You find it unfair that you are to spend an entire apart, and you are hurt by her comments. Perhaps she is overwhelmed, frustrated, and thought she was truly making the best decision. Only after you both sit down and talk will you find out the true motivation for the decision and then you make a decision as to where to go from here. This is not a one side or another as both sides have situations that could be affecting this issue. I hope that all makes sense. I also have to ask you that if this had been done either before the missed event or if you had attended the 2nd event and t was done would your reaction be the same? I'm asking as unless you have specifically asked her if she is angry and doing this out of spite then you are just assuming.

I would respond to her last text of "it is what it is". I would say, "I do understand where you are coming from. I really do. But you have to understand that as a bridesmaid I have spent my time and money to be part of your wedding and I'm so happy that I have. I just thought the least you could do is allow me to bring my boyfriend. He is so excited to meet you and SO! I would really appreciate it if you would reconsider."