Skip to main content
ARE YOU A VENDOR?

Post content has been hidden

To unblock this content, please click here

Jessica
Just Said Yes May 2020

Bridesmaid won't buy her dress and the window of opportunity is closing. Sos!

Jessica, on December 1, 2019 at 10:36 AM

Posted in Etiquette and Advice 53

I've had a long engagement-- we've been engaged for over 2 years. My bridesmaids accepted their roles a month after I was engaged. So they've been "bridesmaids" for almost 2 years. It took me awhile to plan our May 2020 wedding with a lot of bumps on the road. In May of this year, I set a date for...
I've had a long engagement-- we've been engaged for over 2 years. My bridesmaids accepted their roles a month after I was engaged. So they've been "bridesmaids" for almost 2 years. It took me awhile to plan our May 2020 wedding with a lot of bumps on the road.
In May of this year, I set a date for all of my bridesmaids to go to David's Bridal to choose their dresses. They're all to choose their own dress in the color Dusty Sage. Unfortunately, a lot of the bridesmaids had things pop up last minute, so we rescheduled for August. I told the bridesmaids to have their dresses ordered absolutely no later than September 1st. Which most of them did.

One of my bridesmaids, who happens to be my best and closest friend, is being a little (a lot) problematic. When we went to David's Bridal in August, she was the only bridesmaid that wasn't there. And to make matters worse, she had slept over my house the night before. She was literally with me THAT morning. And she didn't go because she was too hungover. Whatever, I begrudgingly let it slide. I just reminded her that the dress needs to be purchased by September as it takes months and months for dresses to come in.
She never purchased her dress. I have followed up with her time and time again. She gets emotional and claims she is just having trouble getting the money and promising she'll go to David's Bridal that weekend, and never does. Here's where I'm getting agitated... I have seen her spend her money on concerts, conventions, and liquor. I hear her talk about how she pours money into a game app on her phone. I've seen her just generally spending money on all these different things. And it's really frustrating for me to see her piss her money away when her bridesmaid dress still hasn't been purchased. She just resorts to tears when she's asked about it or offered solutions or budgeting assistance. She lives with her parents still, so she's not paying rent or utilities. She does pay her parents' phone bill as well as her own, and has car payments and student loans. But half of her monthly income I can't even allocate where the hell it's going. I don't understand how she has no money?! I have even given her some reward money I've won from a contest but she can't buy a stupid dress???We're pretty much at the end of the line and she's about to miss her window of opportunity to buy the dress. Because David's Bridal is currently estimating bridesmaid dresses to be shipped in around late March and my wedding is in May. I don't know what to do. I've texted her so many times. And just this morning, I've texted her and told her QuadPay could be a great option for her so she can make the purchase now and pay over the next 2 months without interest. But of course she isn't texting me back. And if she does, she'll just tell me how stressed she is about money, but how she PROMISES she'll go this weekend. But she won't, I'd stake my life on that.I'm not a confronational person and I hate putting my foot down with things. Especially with her as she doesn't take any criticism on any level very well. I can't imagine my best friend not standing up there with me as a bridesmaid. But we're almost at that point and this would definitely be damaging to our relationship. She's been completely irresponsible and I've seen repeatedly where her priorities are and it sure as hell isn't this wedding. I don't even want this wedding to be the center of anyone's universe, but she isn't even trying at all whatsoever and it's honestly a slap to the face. As a bride, I have other things I should be worried about and a half-ass bridesmaid shouldn't be one of them. Okay sorry, rant over. I just expected so much more from my best friend. She's not even meeting the bare minimum expectations and honestly it's starting to ruin this experience for me. I cant afford to front the money for a dress for her and wouldn't trust her to pay me back if I did. I also don't want her to not be in my wedding so I'm really torn on what to do here. Any advice you guys have would be so appreciated!
Show all

53 Comments

  • Danielle
    Just Said Yes September 2020
    Danielle ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    I agree with everyone else. Let her know she has one one last date to get it by or she will not be in the wedding. She may come at you with some more sob stories about money but in the end that’s on her not you and you need to just focus on the rest of your wedding and not be distracted by that. Sounds like she has a lot more stuff going on than money issues that she may need to focus on.
    • Reply
  • Meaghan
    Savvy October 2021
    Meaghan ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content

    Between now and December 3rd, David's Bridal is having a black friday sale. There are dresses as low as $99 in almost every color. I know some of my bridesmaids are choosing their designs and buying this weekend for just that reason. She has plenty of time (almost 2 years for this) and at this point it is getting ridiculous. You need to have a very honest conversation with her, because if she has been given a deadline since May and is still blowing her money on parties and games, it sounds like she does not want to be a bridesmaid and is too afraid to tell you. She may be a horrible procrastinator and needs an ultimatum - be a bridesmaid or be a guest.

    • Reply
  • J
    Master 0000
    Judith ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    The usual time to buy a bridesmaid dress from David's for a May 2020 wedding would be January 2020. It is only if you order way in advance ( when they fill lots of orders for other people whose weddings are sooner, before yours, even if they order after you) that you ever have to wait as long as 10 weeks. . . . If she orders in the next 6 weeks she should have no problem. . . . If she does not intend to buy one, no one can help. But the recommended time to buy a bridesmaid dress is look around 5 months out, put an order in around 4 months, less for some companies. At David's they tell you to order way out. For their production purposes. But if you order at 4 months out, it usually arrives in 2-8 weeks. I have had lots from them. You started very early. Hope no one has changed weight in a year.
    • Reply
  • B
    Dedicated March 2020
    Brina328 ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    This is tough and it’s awful that on top of all of the other wedding stress, this has to be on the list. She should be your rock! If she isn’t in the wedding or by your side on that day, would it make a difference? If that answer is yes, it’s time to have that tough conversation of it’s now or never. If the answer is no, remove the stress immediately and tell her to free herself. This is supposed to be a happy time for you.
    • Reply
  • H
    Master July 2019
    Hannah ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    As others have said, she can just attend as a guest if she has no dress. That being said, there is still plenty of time before she needs to buy her dress. DB gave me the same 6 month spiel, but I've known people who got dresses in within a month or so. It was the same with my girls. My maid of honor became pregnant during that time and was able to buy a new one (they let her exchange) in May for my July wedding and she got it in time and looked fabulous. You can't dictate what your friends spend their own money on. As frustrating as it may be, she really does have lots of time. And if she doesn't have a dress by the wedding date, you'll have 1 less bridesmaid. There are so many things to stress about during wedding planning. Trying to control others' actions just isn't worth the added stress.
    • Reply
  • Yoice
    VIP March 2019
    Yoice ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    View Quoted Comment
    Agree 100%. I wouldn’t stress it because there’s nothing you can do.
    • Reply
  • Mckenzley
    Beginner May 2020
    Mckenzley ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    I would say either let her go before the deadline since it is clearly adding unneeded stress to you. If this is getting done will she get hungover at the reception dinner? Will she help the other bridesmaids plan/pay for a bachelorette party? Basically is she being difficult on everyone.


    Or stick with your deadline and then her dress not being there on time will basically make the decision for you and it wouldn’t be solely a personal thing.
    All in all, I feel this experience should be as fun and laid back as possible. It sucks that it is a close friend but by letting it continue to stress you out it will likely ruin your friendship just as much as letting her go early.
    • Reply
  • Amina
    Dedicated January 2020
    Amina ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    I understand what you’re going through. My wedding is January 11th and I had a girl just order her dress yesterday after I’ve been on my girls to order since May and it was like she still didn’t know info about the dress. I had another girl claim her card declined when she tried to order her dress with the other late bloomer and I told her straight up now dress, you’re a guest. She kept laughing it off like I was joking but I was 1000%. I would honestly be more revived if she did have to come as a guest, she’s been the most difficult to deal with this entire process. Telling me what I should and shouldn’t be doing like she has a say in my wedding decisions or like I have to follow some arbitrary wedding rules. Seems like your girls have more than enough time to budget and be responsible as adults to literally do their one requirement as a bridesmaid. Her loss, you’ll still see her at the wedding if she’s there as a guest
    • Reply
  • A
    Just Said Yes March 2022
    Ashley ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    I'm so sorry you r goin thro that. I'm the exact oppisite. I HAD a best friend for over 10 years and I married her brother, n she didn't even show up. So I know how you feel but I would honestly give it one more try to talk to her. N if she tries the pitty trip, I would tell her it's my day n I would love you by my side but if u dont see how important this is to me to have u by my side n the wedding then your honn have to sit this one out. No hard feelings. Needless to say I don't have that best friend anymore, she was to irresponsible for me n she was way older then me. She was toxic n exspected me to pick her up n crazy situations that was putting me n my family n crazy situations. N I couldn't allow that any longer. One disappointment leads to another. I'm sorry girl but that my opinion. Hope all goes well n u make a good decision based on your future with your man n don't let her ruin this for you.
    • Reply
  • Renay
    Devoted April 2020
    Renay ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    I have also had a long engagement and chose my girls early. I fully expect this from at least one of my bridesmaids. I had a talk with the ones I'm not concerned about and gave them a warning that I will be sending out a group text that might sound snippy. All I'm going to say basically is "here is the link to purchase the chosen bridesmaid dresses. Please have them ordered by x date if you still intend on being in the bridal party. "
    You might have to just say that you're sorry, but this is causing you too much unnecessary stress, and of she still plans to be in the wedding to have the dress ordered by x date or expect to come as a guest.
    • Reply
  • Lindsay
    Beginner April 2020
    Lindsay ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    I would ask if she even wants to be part of the wedding. If she doesn’t, put her as a guest. If she does, tell her the dress needs to be purchased now. No more excuses. If she still doesn’t, tell her you don’t need this added stress and you will put her as a guest.
    • Reply
  • H
    Beginner December 2019
    Haley ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content

    This must be so frustrating! I'm sorry you're having to deal with that. I just came here to say that my bridesmaids are also wearing Dusty Sage (wedding in 12 days!) and all of their dresses came in much earlier than what David's Bridal quoted. I think that unfortunately, they rely on scare tactics sometimes to make sales.

    • Reply
  • Jennifer
    VIP August 2021
    Jennifer ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content

    I do have some good news (in a sense)! David's Bridal is EXTREMELY quick at getting bridesmaids dresses in. We went in February (3 out of my 5), they ordered that day, and 2.5 weeks later they were in! My other BM ordered hers the same week we went (she lives out of state) and got hers 5 DAYS later in the mail!

    I had a BM that waited a long time (almost 7 months), but she finally ordered and got her 2 weeks later in the mail!

    I completely understand where you are coming from, I was growing so frustrated that my BM wasn't ordering, but i realized that I was focusing on my wedding instead of she may have been going through. Maybe she is going through a rough time and isn't comfortable talking about (this is what happened with mine).

    I hope it all works out for you! Smiley smile

    • Reply
  • B
    Super July 2018
    Brittany ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content

    I have friends like this and I didn't ask them to be a bridesmaid for this reason. That and the fact that the friendship starts to suffer when they constantly ditch plans with you because they spent all their money at the bar last night/is too hung over to hang out with you.

    March is still pretty early for a May wedding so you have a little wiggle room. My bridesmaids didn't get any alterations or anything until 2-3 weeks before the wedding. I would tell her "I need you to order your dress by the first week in January. I really can't have you as a bridesmaid if you don't have a dress. Please get the dress. Our friendship means a lot to me and it would stink not to have you up there with me" You can tell her that it hurts that you watch her spend money on all these other things and it makes you feel like you aren't important to her, but don't lecture her about her spending, it will not do any good.

    • Reply
  • kymarmck
    Super March 2020
    kymarmck ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content

    I definitely agree with everyone. I was lucky enough to have all my bridesmaids with me the day we picked their dresses so they all purchased them that day.

    I do have to say though, DB was really fast in getting our dresses. They estimated a November arrival date and they actually arrived in September. So even if she does delay ordering her dress until January, there's a good possibility the dress will only take 1 - 2 months to come in.

    Like others have said though, unfortunately, it's up to her to buy the dress. You've supplied her with all the information/deadlines and have even offered solutions for her so you've done all you can do!

    • Reply
  • N
    Just Said Yes October 2020
    Nita ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    I would eliminate her from being in the wedding.
    • Reply
  • Lavonda
    Just Said Yes September 2020
    Lavonda ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    Don’t stress out about it. Those who truly want to be in the wedding will make it a priority to do as told in preparation for your big day. If she doesn’t get it see if you can replace her with someone who will get it done and she can be a guest at the wedding instead
    • Reply
  • Vicky
    VIP January 2020
    Vicky ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content

    Honestly, you have plenty of time for the dress to come in still. Your wedding is six months away. Dress shops, including David's Bridal, are notorious for trying to get brides and bridesmaids to order bridesmaid dresses early and using scare tactics about how the dresses won't be in on time otherwise. She has several months still to order a dress and have it arrive in time for your wedding. And since you're letting them order whatever dress they want in a specific color she could also order a dress from a used site like Poshmark and get it in less than a week if necessary. She could order from DB relatively last minute and pay rush shipping. It's far too early to know that she won't get a dress in time for your wedding. I get that you're stressing about this and you want to check it off your list but because this is something that you're not purchasing you need to let it go a little and let your friend be an adult and take care of it on her own timeline. All she needs to do is have it by the time your wedding arrives in May, which again is half a year away. She truly has plenty of time. DB dresses do not take very long to come in, generally speaking. If your wedding arrives and she doesn't have a dress, it's not a big deal; she'll just be a guest. It won't affect your wedding very much at all, and you don't need to know right now.

    • Reply
  • L
    Just Said Yes October 2020
    Lindsey ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content

    GIRL - YOU DESERVE BETTER! Let her come as a guest and find another bridesmaid candidate that will respect you and your big day!

    • Reply
  • Kari
    Master May 2020
    Kari ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content

    Pretty sure David's Bridal has a sale through the end of the day today on select dresses. Might be worth checking to see if your dress/color is included and text her telling her TODAY IS THE DAY to get the dress for less than expected.


    I do agree with what others have said though. If she's being this much of a hassle just regarding dress it's unlikely to improve with other things as you get closer to the wedding. If she cannot make the time to buy the dress to be your bridesmaid, then she should just be a guest.

    • Reply

You voted for . Add a comment 👇

×
WeddingWire celebrates love ...and so does everyone on our site! Learn more

Groups

Show more

WeddingWire article topics