Bridesmaid won't wear dress

Could you two go shopping for a new dress?

That's actually quite a good idea as I can propose it as a fun day out. The only potential problem with that is that the colour scheme is burgundy, which I have seen very little of among the very pastelly dresses this year. I honestly don't mind what she wears though, so long as she's happy and comes to the wedding!

It is SOOOO nice to see a bride who cares more for her bridesmaid than her "vision"! I am a bigger girl and I can promise you a dress that looks good on a size 6, 8, even 10 will most likely look like crap on a size 20. If one more person tells me an empire waist is flattering on a bigger girl I will not be held responsible for my actions. Empire waist dresses make bigger girls look pregnant. I am 56 and the last thing I want is to appear pregnant!!

I am sure you guys will find something that will work out. good luck!!

I would continue to look online for another. If you can't find anything I would ask her if she has any solutions

I agree with waychox you could go shopping together and try to find something together, it's prom season so you may actually have a lot more options out there than you think. And I'm sure she is feeling very self conscious and if you just continue to be supportive and tell her how much it means to you that she is there with you on your special day it will help reassure her.

Good on you for being flexible! She has to do her part too but to a certain extent it will be out of your control whether or not you are able to find something that she feels good in. Just continue to be flexible and supportive and a shopping day sounds like a great idea and I'm sure it will work out one way or another.

Thank you all for your great suggestions! She's a bury her head in the sand sort of person, so is unlikely to start looking for a dress until the very last minute if I leave her to her own devices, which is the reason we are in this problem so close to the big day. I had planned on getting the gowns sorted out much earlier but she kept putting me off with a range of reasons from being busy to not having a tape measure to size herself up. I think this is a very difficult time for my friend as the other two bridesmaids, who are all part of the same friend group, are in long term relationships and will be bringing dates along. I said she is welcome to bring a guest but she doesn't want to, probably because her guest wouldn't know anyone and she would be babysitting all night. I really hope that she comes along and is part of my bridal party as it just won't feel the same without her!

(As a teacher, I just want to say: taciturn - nice word choice!)

Thank you for being a good friend! I truly hope it works out.

Ugh.. well its tough because I'm sure she isn't lying that the dress isn't doing her favors. I have that with 80% of the dresses I try on because I have big hips. Sometimes clothes can be an utter frustration for people and really upsetting for their self esteem. That being said you've made some really great suggestions to her and I think it's probably less that she wants to be difficult and more her own body issues. Go to see what alterations can be done and she might like it better. That's a better first step than ordering another dress online that she may also not like. Tell her you want her to be comfortable and enjoy the wedding and that you will help her make sure she feels good on the day of in the dress. Look at shape wear together. Try to make it fun and be supportive and I'm sure she will come around. But no to her just wearing her clothes, there will be another solution.

Sounds like you are being super patient with her and understanding to her needs; I don't know if I'm reading it correctly but it sounds like she isn't being very cooperative, but I think it's purely self-consciousness. Maybe ask her to go out on her own and find it dress in your chosen colour - she might feel less exposed if she was alone.

I'm glad your are being accommodating to her. Just be patient, I'm sure you can come to a compromise. See what options the seamstress offers or Shop around together. I gave my bridesmaids the color and the length I wanted and they all went to try dresses and chose the one they wanted. I wanted them to feel good in their dresses and also they know what they can spend on them. I didn't force them get something they didn't like or can't afford. (Besides not wanting an unhappy BM If they don't feel happy in their dress it will reflect in pictures) good luck finding a solution.

At this point, let her be upset. She's not working with you. You've done everything you could to be considerate, respectful, and flexible. It's so difficult to live with body issues (speaking from experience) so really there's nothing else you can do- it's all up to her now. She needs to decide that she's either going to accept where she is currently and find a dress she is comfortable with or decide that not being a bridesmaid is better than wearing a dress she can't seem to find something good about.

Maybe find another way to include her or make her feel special. Don't let her personal issues stress you out anymore than you already are during the planning process.

Would you be okay with a pantsuit? You might be able to find something more flattering with a longer jacket and trousers. I wore something similar as MOH for a girlfriend's wedding years ago.

@MrsAtwood2016 - there is a HUGE difference in your attitude about friends and the OP's attitude about friends - you could learn from her.

My sister is a size 20/22 and this is her MOH dress. It is extremely flattering on her and she is comfortable in it. We both love it. I ordered it online from Davids Bridal and had it within two weeks. Where as when we were in the store they said it would take over a month to come in. Online was much, much faster.

MrsAtwood: what a shit attitude to have. Here we have a bride who is wanting her BM to be more than a prop, and you tell her to just let her be upset?

No. That's not how friendship works.

OP, I applaud you for taking how your friend feels into consideration. I definitely think that if you can try the dress with someone who does alterations, try that first.

Then perhaps check with other stores to try on other dresses if the alterations aren't working out.

@MrsAtwood "let her be upset. She's not working with you" REALLY?!

Soooo... the bride is to let her friend feel like a piece of shit in a dress that she feels horrible and self-conscious in? She should just leave her FRIEND on her own to be upset? Great advice...

OP, I think its great that you are going dress shopping with her. You are a great friend. I'm sure you guys will find something together!

Yay for brides who care about their friend's feelings!

I have a BM that is a size 20, and we went shopping and dress trying together. She chose the dress below in ice blue. To help the waist, we added a satin ribbon and a brooch in the middle. She loves it and thanked me time and time again for letting her choose.

I second the shopping day together. It may be that you have to spend a little extra. Maybe a very lightweight shawl or shrug will help her feel more comfortable.