Bridesmaids after the Wedding

Pajama parties, mani and pedi or spa days before the wedding day and doing things for a day or more after have been mentioned more and more the last few years, and many brides think they are doing wonderful things, promoting team feelings and mutual support systems, and honoring people with multiple gifts at some of these times. But most women I know, and their SO or families, really resent turning a few hours shower, few hours either rehearsal dinner of bridal tea for bm, and the wedding day starting a couple hours before wedding starts if photos then, to late in the reception, limited time periods, into multiple 2-3 day events. I carefully ask what bride has in mind before committing myself to be in a wedding. Yet at least about 1 in 3 times, Bro be who said they would appreciate my offer to give or co-host a shower, were not planning a WP rehearsal or dinner. and the wedding itself, have wanted at least 5 days of 8 hours or more, and 3-5 more 3-5 hour commitments of time. I think brides asking bm to come a day or 2 before the wedding, pay for hotel rooms with their SO, then wanting the SO to stay alone so multiple bridesmaids can do long mani/ pedi/ spa days, bachelorettes excluding SO, then have overnight pajama parties staying with the bride the night before her wedding, then am hours of getting together in S group, are being outrageous., unless the attendants simply have mo life. Asking people to stay on an extra day or more to send off the B & G is an equally outrageous addition to time required. One post after another recently, brides expecting too much time, and often too much money. It is presumptuous to expect ( not want, expect) huge time commitments from others, to fulfill a brides vision. Enough. And all the little extra gifts, paying for M-P- spas/ hair / MUA, do not make it okay, nor do they make the bride generous. It is insulting to assume such things are valuable enough to make up for too many blocks of time. Or that nothing in BM life is more important than bride's whims. .

THis is absolutely ridiculous. ESPECIALLY the honeymoon send off. What the heck??? Say you are staying until Sunday and then you have to leave. Period. End of story.

Wow! I didn't think our attendants had any "duties" after the ceremony. Yeah, sure, we wanted them to show up for the reception, but they would have done that just because they love us, not because it was a duty we imposed.

I think like you said, once the reception is over, so is their job! I would never make a brunch or send off TWO days later mandatory...I’ve never heard of anything like that.

I think that’s ridiculous, not even because it is after the wedding, just because you can’t mandate that anyone in your bridal party do anything. They are first and foremost your friends, THEN your bridal party! Most of my bridal party is from out of town, so I will be grateful for everything that they are able to attend, and would not pressure them to be at anything that was difficult for them

Just tell her you can’t stay until Monday and don’t feel the least bit bad about it. You don’t owe her an explanation but if she gets mad and presses you to tell her why you can’t stay, just tell her that you will be there on her wedding and you hope that she appreciates that, but she’s asking too much by saying you have to stay until Monday.

Sorry, but no. I would not stick around for something like that. Did she plan on paying for the room for an extra night? What even is a "honeymoon sendoff"??

Your friend is being way too demanding. The wedding is one day, after that day, you're no longer required to answer to the bride.

I'd just not go. What is she going to do?

Honestly, I was going to let my BM know they can come to my house for the gift opening and snacks (not doing a meal), but defiantly don't expect them to stay. I do expect them to make the rehearsal, but even if they miss that I think they can catch up... but I am setting up our room the night of the rehearsal so I really would like their help

That is way too demanding! Bridesmaids have no duties but to show up for the ceremony in the chosen attire. All I'm asking of my BMs is to help me button my dress and hold my bouquet during the ceremony, then they're free to eat, drink, and party to their heart's content or go home or do whatever they want.

I never really understood bridesmaid responsibilities

Personally that sounds crazy to me. After both of my best friends weddings the wedding party and the immediate family of the newlyweds were asked to stay to help clean up the venue (they did their send offs right after the reception ended) so we did that and we were done. There is nothing wrong with wanting to be a good supporting friend but if you don't have the money to spend an extra night in a hotel or don't have the ability to take yet another day off from work that should be completely understandable. And if not oh well. I wasn't able to stay for the actual dinner after my friends rehearsal due to my 2 step kids and having noone to watch them at that time. And my friend understood, I was there for the rehearsal to know where I need to be and when so that's all that mattered.

BMs and MOHs hshoukd have no duties other than standing by your side at the ceremony. Especially not being told to stay a weekend in a hotel, thats insane.

View Quoted Comment I never did either!!

View Quoted Comment I have no idea. And no, she has no plan to do that, lol.

Tell your BM about Wedding Wire. Tell her it's been so helpful and that she should join. Maybe she'll see the error in her demands.

Honeymoon sendoff seems to equal being a tv studio audience , so pictures show lots of people waving them goodbye, cheering on cue, so couple can bask in all that warmth and love! OK, so maybe I am a little wee bit cynical. 😉

View Quoted Comment TRUST ME! I’m cynical too. I was thinking the same thing. FH told her thanks but no thanks. We’re going back to work on Monday, I run my own single person business, and he works in a small shop of him, his boss, and 5 cats. We can’t afford to lose anymore time that we have too

Once the reception is over my BM are free to do whatever they need to do- they do not need to spend the night at the hotel after the wedding. Were going to have a brunch at the hotel monday morning but i told them they don't have to stay although they all want too because they want to drink haha. The only person I am probably going to need help with is my sister who is my MOH or my mom like having them drop off my dress at the dry cleaners while im on my honeymoon. Other than they resume to your normal lives.

I would tell your friend that you aren't staying Sunday night as you have your life to get back too. That's ridiculous for her to expect that. All she can expect is for you to stand up in the wedding.