Bridesmaids - asking them to do their hair and makeup exactly the same

I asked them to have it look like this or something of this nature.

View Quoted Comment What if they did half up and half down? I did half up and half down for my brother's wedding (I was MOH) and completely up for mine. I wanted two different looks for the weddings since they were four months apart. Even though I prefer my hair down for photos I wanted to wear a bun for my wedding to help keep me cool since my wedding was mid-summer.

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Is there a reason you don't want them to have the same hairstyle as yours? Are you worried they'll look "better" or something?

Real talk: you want your girls to look and feel their best. What will make your photos perfect is if you look back and see happiness, confidence, and love on the faces of the people you love and who love you most. A photo won't be "perfect" if you excluded your sister or best friend because she wanted her hair down and your hair was down too.

FWIW, the hairstyle you picked is challenging for a lot of people to pull off, especially if you have a round face, are plus size, hair the wrong length, etc.

View Quoted Comment I understand this so much. It’s really terrifying to spend so much time, money, and emotion on something and then imagine it not turning out perfect. But something at a wedding will always go wrong, and you should start preparing yourself for that. Do you really want to be in tears because the flowers are a little wilted or your sister wore red lipstick? No! You deserve to enjoy yourself.

Now that that’s said, I think you are being controlling. I think you and your bridesmaids would be happier if you could let go of some of that desire to control and let people have control over things like the makeup they wear. It’s hard! But there’s so much else to stress about in a wedding and in the world, that this isn’t worth your time.

Well they are people not photo props so demanding they all look the same is pretty ridiculous.
And nothing is perfect. If you are expecting perfection you are going to be greatly disappointed. A PP said it right, what will make your photos perfect will be the happy, truly smiling faces. What will make your photos less will be those uncomfortable, forced smiles that you are sure to get if you continue to treat your wedding party as props.

Hi Ashley, I’m going to play devil’s advocate and go against the crowd. Although for my wedding, each girl did pick their own hairstyle and makeup and I’m an easy going person, there were a few things I had a specific vision for and was detail oriented about. My older sister and I are very different. She handles things much different than I do and we have different priorities when it comes to just about everything, including how we planned our weddings. It seemed controlling from her perspective that I had a timeline in an excel spreadsheet. From my perspective, I thought it was responsible and organized. 🤷🏼‍♀️
Sisters tend to challenge each other and comes with the territory.
In this case, it seems the uniform look is very important and a vision you have put a lot of thought into. Sounds like you want a soft, romantic appearance. Bear in mind skin tones differ, but you want a consistent look. To be fair, you are footing the bill which is the honorable thing to do when you ask for a certain look.Approach it as “I love other weddings where the bridesmaids all have that soft, romantic makeup and all of them have updos - it’s a gorgeous look that I always wanted for my wedding”. Of course we all agree we never want to put material things above people’s feelings and lipstick is certainly not worth ruining a relationship. If I was in a wedding and the bride asked us not to wear red lipstick, I’d be totally ok with that 👍❤️

I don't think your asking too much, you are the bride. I did have my brides wear matching makeup, but for their hair I just had them style it up, whether it be in a bun, braids, or pony tail, since I was wearing my hair down.

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Really? They asked you to do your hair and makeup the same as everyone else and you did it? If this was the case then I doubt you'd even be asking this question. There is a happy medium between "you're my human mannequin for the day" and "hot mess express". If these are people that you are close enough to that you asked them to be your bridesmaids then you should be able to ask them to tone it down a bit if they're going overboard without controlling every little thing. If you're paying for hair and makeup then the professionals you hired should certainly be able to make everyone look tasteful without needing to be identical.

Since these are your relationships to have I'm going to bit my tongue.


With that being said. If you are paying for hair and make up then I would say you have the right on how they should have it done. Can you compromise in a way and give them a few different hair styles, or make up styles? For example my best friend loves make up where as I hate it. If we were to have to "look the same" she would want full face natural, where as I would want very very light/minimal make up.
Yes I'd say you can control them from having anything outrageous done. I would be a little annoyed if I was looking back at wedding pictures and someone looked like a 🤡.
Just remember. They could wear a bikini and legit clown makeup and everyone would still be focused on the happy couple.

Yes! I definitely am worried one will out stage me I have put on like forty pounds in about two years and am very worried that they’ll look better then me. I’m going to talk to them again tomorrow and see what we can come up with together as a group instead of pushing off demands. Thank you guys. I’ll try and keep you guys updated too!


But you guys are right I’d rather have them there then not there

Hi everyone if you haven’t read newer messages don’t reply. Because I have already changed your mind and you guys commenting on what kind of person I am without knowing me is really rude and can have an emotional toll please stop

This is absurd. Your bridesmaids are humans who all look different and have different tastes. No one look is going to compliment every single person. It sounds like you have some serious insecurities to work through. You should want your friends to feel beautiful and confident on your wedding day, not dull themselves down because you’re afraid they’ll look better than you.

Have you thought about giving them different options that are similar? Like different shades of eyeshadow but on the same color palette? That way they feel like they have some control and may feel more comfortable

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I hope the talk goes well! I think you guys will be able to come to a great compromise If you are paying for hair and makeup and want a uniform look (like one PP said), I think that can be accomplished easily! Like a soft, romantic style! And i very much agree that if you are going for a soft, romantic style and you are paying for HMU, there should be no bridesmaid wearing dark smokey eyes with bright red lips, for example. You don't want anyone to stick out like a sore thumb, especially if you're footing the bill. I totally understand that wish! Maybe you could give a few options of hairstyles and (I definitely understand what you're saying about taking notes in advance for the HMUA) then plan on which bridesmaids will have which hairstyle! That will also be useful for the HMUA to know in advance - for instance, if some bridesmaids have really short hair versus long, thick hair, it will take different amounts of time, so the HMUA will probably appreciate that info in advance! Best of luck!!!

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The OP has already changed her outlook on this - refer to more recent comments.

Yes this is controlling. If you want this, at the very least you need to pay for professional hair, and it still might be a bit much.

Are you paying for their hair and makeup? If not, they can have it done however they want. My suggestion is to let them have their hair and makeup done the way they will feel the prettiest.

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This is such a hateful comment. You're trying to get a very valid point across and it's totally discredited when your comment just turns hateful and rude. If you would have read the thread, you would see that the OP changed her tune after receiving constructive opinions from other brides. Insulting her is totally unnecessary.

View Quoted Comment This sounds like a personal self-confidence issue. I think your focus needs to be on discovering your self-worth and embracing your own unique beauty, not trying to compare yourself to your bridesmaids. Because if you don’t feel good and confident within yourself, no matter what makeup or hairstyle your BMs have done, you are still going to compare yourself to them. You don’t have to dull another woman’s light in order for yours to shine. Let your friends/family member standing with you look and feel beautiful, and be happy for them. Recognize your own beauty and be confident in it! I guarantee when you are walking down the aisle, smiling and confident in yourself, your fiancé and all your guests will see that beauty shining from within!

View Quoted Comment Wow this is perfectly worded and I completely agree


My girls are knock-outs, but I know that FH sees *me* as the most beautiful inside and out and that's the only perspective I care about. I love that my girls are beautiful and don't care if they look more conventionally attractive than I do. We are all made in the image of God, and we are all gorgeous. I am so excited to see them look gorgeous and to shine along with them.
I spent a lot of my life being insecure around my pretty sisters and friends, and I wish I hadn't. It made me so unhappy. Accepting and loving how I was made has made my life so much better. Now I want everyone to look their best and feel confident, just like I do.
Also, your insecurity is your baggage to carry, not your girls' or anyone else's. I know that's hard to hear, but you will ruin relationships if you don't make that clear distinction. Try to be really cognizant of when you're pushing your insecurity onto others or letting it affect your treatment of them.