Bridesmaids dress etiquette mess

I have been in alot of weddings over the years & no one ever bought my dress, same goes for my daughter who was a flower girl in 3 weddings, it was my responcibility to purchase her dress. I think that's why you ask girls to be in the wedding, if they cannot afford it they can decline. People do expect to have to buy dresses, throw showers, etc if they are asked to be in a wedding. However if you have tons of money go ahead buy the dresses. Or you could just be responcible for everything else shoes, jewelry etc. & the girls can buy their own dresses. I think it's really up to you & your budget what to do here. You could request a reasonably cost dress, that they could possibly wear again & I really don't think any one would have a problem with it.

No one ever bought me dress the only wedding where someone bought my dress was my sister's wedding and it was my mom who bought my dress and my own wedding once again my mom bought my dress. So i would say don't do it and them a little thank you for being in my wedding present at the reshule dinner instead. My thank you gift was everything you need for the perfect bubble bath and they loved it. What you can do is pick a fablous but inexpence dress for your girls to wear.

It is very common for the bridal party to absorb the costs of the bridal attire however if you have the means to pay for the attire for your wedding party then I say go for it! You are correct in saying when you invite someone to participate in event you are supposed to pay their expenses. However as weddings have grown more costly some of the more traditional customs have been modified a bit

(couples are paying for the entire wedding, splitting the costs between families, etc.) Sounds like you have a lucky wedding party, Best Wishes!

Thanks for your responses, but I guess if I could rephrase my question, it would be: Why is that okay? I'm wondering what the logic is in telling your girls, "This is the dress I like, so please buy it." That just sounds so weird to me.

I just want to throw my two cents in. My fiancee and I are buying the bridesmaids dresses for the women and the suits for the men in our wedding. We are having a wedding that most people have to travel to, therefore it will already be expensive. Although its "always done" doesn't mean it has to be done that way. If you want to and can afford to buy the dresses, go for it. Your maids will appreciate it. Nothing says that the bridesmaids have to absorb the costs just because thats what most people have done. We're also paying for the hotel rooms for two nights. We worked it into the budget because we want everyone to stay together but aren't going to expect people to shell out $200 bucks a night for the hotel where we are staying. Just because we want them there, doesn't mean we should expect them to spend an arm and a leg.

The only person I am paying for their dress is my fiances little sister and that is because she won't be able to if we don't however my fiance feels other then that we shouldn't pay for the others dresses because they get to keep the dress...The only reason he wants to pay for the tuxes is because it is a rental and he can't see asking someone to rent something for over 100 bucks that they give back a day later. So our reasoning for them paying is because they are keeping the dress. I don't see them as doing me a favor...I think a wedding and dinner is two different things however i agree with everyone else if you have the money to do that go for it. I had to pay when i was a moh and i payed my own travel expenses (airfair, car rental, hotel, dress)

It's not a RULE, but most people do have the bridesmaids buy their own dresses. Personally when I got married I thought that was just tacky. So I agree with you. If I am asking them to travel to my wedding and get a hotel room etc. etc. the least I could do was pay for the dress. In my case we purchased the material and patterns and they either made it themselves or had it made. They were thrilled because then the dress would be perfectly tailored to them. They looked beautiful! We also covered the cost of tux rentals even though the groomsmen argued with us. They ended up giving us a VERY nice wedding gift so I think they were thankful that we paid. I would have been thrilled if all of my bridesmaids dresses while in college had been paid for by the couple. I say you should do what you feel is the right thing since there is not a rule to cover this one.

Good Luck!

Cindy

Like someone said, its not a rule. Its just become a custom thing for bridesmaids to do, and the majority of them know and understand that. But, if you really are insisting on doing so then go for it!! They should be very appreciative of the fact that you're willing to take on that extra cost for them. Im sure lots of bridesmaids out there wish there would be more brides like you to work with. So in other words I agree with you in that it does seem unfair for them to pay to be in your wedding, its an honor for you, not them. But, even though you are going to pay for them, make sure they still feel comfortable in them, cause it will reflect in your pictures.

I totally agree with you. I am not having bridesmaids, but if I did I would have the same issue that you do. With all the wedding expenses it would be hard for me to also pay for all of my girls' dresses, but I woulnd't know how to tell them which dress they have to buy to be in the wedding, I'd feel like a jerk doing that. The way i would have handled it is by picking a color or fabric and then letting them get whatever dress they want. This way they will get something they like and can hopefully use again and something they can afford. I would have chosen black as it is easy, elegant, and they will definitely be able to wear it again. I mean even as a guest to the wedding they'd probably buy a nice new dress, just not a stiff bridesmaids gown. That's just one idea. In the end though it really is ok to just ask them to get what u choose. I'm sure they fully expect to take on this expense when they accepted being a bridesmaid. Try to keep their bidgets and styles in mind

I have been in several weddings as well and when agreeing to be a bridesmaid that is a cost you incur now as a bridal gift if you choose to pay for there dresses thats a choice you have but if you look in wedding planners and books it is a bridesmaid cost so one thing you have to consider is when is the wedding how much is the dress you want them to wear and they make payments

It is VERY normal for your attendants to pay for their own attire. Your responsibility once you ask them to be an attendant is to inform them of the approximate price. This gives them the option of politely declining due to an inability to afford the attire at which time you can offer to pay or assist. You may feel they are doing you a favor, but the truth is, it should be considered an honor to be asked to participate in your very special day...and most people do see it this way. Unless you have an endless budget, you are not expected to buy attire for the wedding party. You are expected to present them with a thank you gift at the rehearsal/dinner however. (which many times is specific jewelry you may want them to wear but can be anything you like)

When my hubby and I got married we paid for some of the dresses and other people paid for their own. I talked to each girl personally and explained that we wanted them to be in the wedding and that if they couldn't afford their dress then we would purchase it. But we also let each girl pick their own dresses so that made a difference too. We ended up paying for two bridesmaids and one of our two flower girls and we were happy to do it.

I have also been in many wedding parties and have always paid for my own dress, even the really ugly hot pink one that I threw in my trunk when the wedding was over and got oil on. I guess I just expect that this is a cost associated with being a bridesmaid and took that into account when accepting.

I think you are a totally savvy bride. And you are a great friend paying for your girl's dresses. Do whatever makes you happy girl. Congrats. Come visit my web-site.

If you intend for them to wear "all the same" or of your choicing, then usually the bride will take care of the bill. Of course, it depends on pricetag and how close you are to your girls and if they love their dress so much they will wear it again for a differet occasion. Sometimes, they can pay and you will treat them to a spa treatment?

I completely agree with you! This is one of the reasons why weddings get such a bad name! It does seem to be normal, but I think it's tacky and overblown.

When my best friend got married, she made me the maid of honor dress herself. I'm not a seamstress, and there aren't other women in the wedding party to match with, so I will let her choose what dress she gets, and just have her tell me. My sister-in-law picked a palette of colors and asked us to wear a dress in that palette.

It seems to me that if you want matching dresses, that that is your desire and has nothing to do with people being happy about the marriage, and so shouldn't come with an extra price tag. Your fiance, friends and family are lucky to have you.

My bridesmaids paid for their own dress of choice.

My guidelines were simple.

Wedding is black and red, dress was black for bridesmaids, red for MoH,

They had to get sleeveless, and the shortest it could be was knee high.

I suggested a few stores they could go to for "perfect" dresses and it went off without a single snag. My ladies looked stunning.

MoH got hers in a salon, paid 200ish.

The rest got theirs at le chateau and BCBG's for less than 100 each.

Believe me, putting faith in your girls and sending them out to get their own cancels out SO much of your stress. Get them to run dresses past you before they buy, and then you can go on a group hunt for the perfect shoes together afterwards!

*None of my bridesmaids "matched" perse, but they were the most stunning group of girls I have seen all year. I hate the idea that everybody needs to match. In Taffeta. Gross.*

I agree with you Emily. I guess most people let society think for them instead of using common sense. I think it is ridiculous to demand bridesmaids wear a certain dress, etc. and then expect them to pay for it. That's like inviting someone to a Halloween party but demanding they pay for a costume you picked out for them to wear or else they can't attend

And the whole thing of a bridesmaid being expected to throw a shower, bachelorette party, buy several gifts, etc. doesn't make any sense. I thought the whole reason of having bridesmaids was because you wanted your closest friends standing next to you.

I can't believe some of these blogs where the bride tells the bridesmaid she can't be in the wedding party if she can't afford all these obligations but can still be a guest- is very rude. That tells me that the bride really doesn't consider her bridesmaids to be close friends.

I would be insulted if someone asked me to pay for a costume they are forcing me to wear!

This is an old post but I just had to say I'm glad to see there are others who agree with me in thinking its absolutely tacky and rude to make the bridal party pay for their own outfits. If you can't afford to pay for them yourself then cut back somewhere else. My husband and I have paid for three weddings and have always paid for the bridesmaids and groomsmens clothes. We are not well off at all but to ask someone to stand up for you at this special moment and then make them pay for that honor is rude. Have less people standing up, choose a less expensive dress for yourself, cut back in another area but take care of the clothes you're asking these special people to wear on your wedding day....and no I'm not a hundred years old

I have never had my dress bought as a BM (but apparently this is popular in other countries). I also have never been asked about my budget for a BM dress (and in the last wedding wasnt even offered an opinion on the dress). I think in the US its fair to expect BM to buy their own dress and shoes (but ask them their budgets and stay within them and you are going above and beyond!) Also, anything additional you want (certain colored shoe or accessories, be sure to buy them for them or let them wear something they already have.