Bridesmaids getting ready separately and meeting me at church?

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What!? Oh my gosh I am so sorry, that's terrible she didn't even show for your shower. She sounds a bit immature (no offense). You shouldn't let her bully you around. I couldn't agree more with everyone else, pick a neutral space to get ready at. Maybe your place or FMIL's?

Rent a air bnb and invite them all there.

If you don’t stand up now, you never will.
Your mother sounds like a toxic influence on your life and you should really take a stand. I know it’s not easy. I had a friend who had to practically cut her mother out of her life, but she’s so much happier now.
There are Facebook support groups for people with toxic parents. I’d also suggest seeing a counselor on your own to address this. They can really help you.

Check this book out as well.
https://www.amazon.com/Boundaries-When-Take-Control-Your/dp/0310247454

Book a hotel. Don't miss the getting ready pictures with bridesmaids

View Quoted Comment I’m confused sorry, why would you have to change vendors ?

I don't understand. If she wouldn't attend your shower with the BMs there, will she even attend the wedding? What's the difference?

This sounds awful. I'm so sorry you're going through this.

I'm a MOB. You need to get control of her now. When you have a baby she will be dictating who can come to the hospital or she won't visit. Why do you allow her to treat you like this? Is she going to pull this crap for holidays too?

I know that it will be terribly difficult, but you really have no choice but to tell your mom to get over it or get left behind. Get a hotel room, or if that's not in the budget, have your BMs get ready at your house. You've had the first couple of decades of your life to bond with, get ready with, and spend time with your mom. You will only have one wedding day. You likely won't have another opportunity to get all of your girls together and spend the afternoon getting pampered and dolled up. Besides, it sounds like it's time for mama to learn that she's not the boss. You're grown!

No. this cannot happen. These are your best friends and it is YOU and YOUR FUTURE HUSBAND'S big day.

I think you know inside what will make you happy. Just don't let it get down to the wedding day and say you're going somewhere else(if that's what you choose). Give enough heads up as possible.- unless she's the type to plot afterwards.

Some people blow off steam and they are fine and well, others plot- so it depends.

I'm really sorry you have to deal with this...

Sadly I agree with the posters who say this is not a getting ready issue, it is a Toxic Mom issue. She is manipulating you on of all days, the day that should be joy filled. Plan your plan, tell your mom (don't ask, tell her) and go about your day.

I am sorry you are dealing with this.

Think of the future: Will she try to tell you who can come to all the other big events? Or the small ones, like having a BBQ with some friends?

Just because she is your mother does not mean she has the right to treat you like a piece of excrement. What she is doing is emotional abuse. And she will do this to your children as well (if you plan on starting a family). You really do need to set boundaries. If not for yourself, then for those who truly love you. I imagine it must be difficult fir your SP to see you treated this way.

Can't you get ready at another location? Somewhere neutral for y'all?

I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. I can't imagine how hard it is to feel caught in the middle. But, your mother's behavior is unacceptable. She's being petty, immature and manipulative. You need to take a stand. I would find a new place to get ready and of course invite her. If she doesn't show, I know it will probably be heartbreaking, but if you don't take a stand now, things will never get better.

Check out these books. Also consider some individual therapy to deal with any fleas picked up from her. That said do not go to therapy with her, that will only prove to teach her how to manipulate you better.

Find a therapist that believes in cutting toxic people out if your life.

She will get worse. Make the changes without her imput, get ready at the hotel or church. call the HMU Artist and explain the situation, see if they can charge your MOM the extra fee for doing her make up at her house (wtf?) that has to be done AFTER you and your BMs is done. You dont want Mommy dearest hogging the HMU and taking your time (which she will no matter where you get ready). See if there is an extra artist or someone they recommend for her (or not have them cancel on her, shes not the bride and if she is paying separate then it should be on a separate contract to cya.

Also, if you do move locations and she comes and start being a brat (i want to curse but in not sure if im allowed on here). Anyway, when she starts acting up, ignore her, have a signal with you doc or whomever to escort her out.

let her know in advance "if you can't hold your tounge and keep you opinions to yourself you will not be welcome at my wedding."

Is she paying for anything other than her HMU?

Get a hotel room and have the florist drop bouquets there and then everything else at the venue, most florists do this. My mom is on the crazy train as well and she is finally starting to get that this isn't her show. You will regret not having this time with your friends!!! She showed you her true colors with the shower.

is your mom a single mom? Widow? Messy divorce? I just get the vibe that she's clinging on because you are all she has. Therapy my friend!

I agree with the previous posters when they said that your mom is manipulating you. It's not right, and I am sorry that this time in your life is having this senseless drama over it like a dark rain cloud. I think that getting ready at a hotel in the same area is the best bet. As someone who has had very serious issues with both parents (not wedding related), I have found it best to stand up for ones self and to stand ones ground. You shouldn't let anyone manipulate you, not matter who they are, and I know that is much easier said than done. I know it hurts, but her not wanting to come to a hotel because it is not as convenient to her is her problem, not yours. You shouldn't have to be worrying about her convenience while getting ready on your wedding day. I am not sure if you addressed this already, so sorry if I am repeating anything, but have you tried a civilized sit down discussion with her about this? Adult to adult, not mother to daughter. For example, my father has been absent the majority of my life, although he did pay his mandated child support. I started working after school at 14 years old and saved every penny I made and every cent I got for Christmas's and birthdays to pay for a small sweet 16 party, as my mother could never afford such a thing. I worked so hard and was so proud and booked a little room in a pub to have my party. I invited my father and his response to me was "Don't expect me to come if your c**t rag mother will be there." I was heartbroken and canceled my sweet 16. My father and I reconnected recently (I'm 30). I told him flat out that I wanted him to be there the day I marry, but I will not stand for any inappropriate behavior and I will not tolerate any drama that makes the focus of the day turn from my fiancé and I. This day is about us and he needs to be supportive and selfless. Maybe it would be best to calmly explain how you feel, what behavior she is displaying that is causing you stress and that you find problematic, and ask her why it is she is insisting on having everything her way when this day is about you and your future spouse? Keep it kind and respectuful, but firm. She is out of line. Sorry for the essay, my heart goes out to you!

Definitely find a neutral place for pictures and getting ready. Your mom has jurisdiction over her home but can not do anything if you can go somewhere else

I am so sorry you’re having to go through this. Especially with it being your mom. It must be difficult to have to be choosing. I would find a different location to get ready at.