Bridesmaids hair

Yes. No pay, no say.

Yes. If you are asking them to get their hair done, or have it done a certain way, you should pay.

Maybe gift them a necklace that matches!

I disagree with others that asking people to get an updo when you don't pay is necessarily bad, it's still your wedding and I'm sure most won't mind (unless somehow an updo costs more??)

All mines agreed to a ponytail but they like different styles of it.. but the dresses are different & they are fine with paying for it..

I think you can suggest it to them on what your vision is for your bridal party and how they look.


I hate seeing ppl say "no pay no say" I say bs to that crap because in reality it's YOUR wedding in the end your the one whose going to have photos of your bridesmaids and I'm pretty sure you want your bridal party to look good because at end of the day that falls back on you because you picked "sally and kelly n etc" to stand next to you and I'm sure you don't want them looking like a clown that should be at the fair.
I feel as tho when you take on the position of a BM you should expect to be asked to wear a certain dress and have your hair n make-up a certain way but obviously nowadays that's not a thing🤷

Yes if you aren’t paying than you shouldn’t dictate what they have to have. You could ask if they would mind having an updo but honestly why would you want some to be uncomfortable? Lots of people don’t like updos or don’t look good with them. Nobody really notices their hair and stuff like that anyone. People are there to see you and your FH.

Nope! Not rude at all, it's your wedding and people should be ok with you making some requests big or small...I'm not in a space where I can pay for any of my girls items (other than the gifts I'm getting them) and they're rolling with any decision I go with! Don't listen to people telling you it's rude. I still haven't found that magical "etiquette" book everyone keeps referencing lol!

Well there are bridesmaids who pay for their dresses and sometimes they don’t have a say in that since the bride chooses the style, color, etc. To me, if you said yes to being a bridesmaid, there are responsibilities and expectations you technically are agreeing to. I would just tell them your vision and what you want for YOUR wedding of course, in a nice way. I don’t know if it’s just me, but if I were a bridesmaid I would want to help out the bride as much as possible to make her special day what she envisioned because it’s her day, not mine.

View Quoted Comment 🎯 They will say we get those ideas from the movies on what a BM should do for a bride and I'm just over here like wellllll where did you find that they can just do and where whatever...where's this magical rule book?

View Quoted Comment I think it's all bunch of 💩 in my opinion but I was told on here me paying for my BM hair & make-up doesn't give me the right to make my BM to purchase the dresses that I've picked out n asking my BM to pay that amount even when they get a 20% discount on their dress 🤔💬🤷


It's like I made it more easier for my BM they don't have to worry about hair and make-up plus a dress budget and all they have to worry about is their dresses which they just have to put down 60% of their payment for the bridal store to send the order to the designer then they have time to pay their balance off till it's time for atlernations.
None of my BM has a issue but 1 and thats my one of my cousin's but I knew she would have somewhat a problem with payments but I told her it'll work itself out to not worry about it that I'm looking at other options for her and if not I'll help her out one way or another.
If you find that BM rulebook that every bride gots to follow if not were called a bridezilla💁 please share it with me😂

Unless there is someone you can ask to do their hair for free, don't do it. You'll make your friends resent you. Not everyone can do their own hair nicely, especially an updo. If you wanted their hair to down, that's different. You can buy them a necklace or bracelet, so they can have something in common.
Don't overthink it. I was in a wedding where we wore different dresses but the same color as well. All of our hair were different. Still look great in pictures

View Quoted Comment 😂😂😂🤦🏾‍♀️wow the comments on here be crazy sometimes smh lol. That's awesome that your picking up that tab for them but yes if I find it I'll totally share 😂

Yes it's rude. I hate updos and will never ever choose to wear one because I hate how they look on me. I have long hair and always wear it down. Especially if i have to pay for it, i'm doing what I feel best in.

Putting on a dress someone picked out is a lot different than being forced to wear your hair or makeup in a certain way that doesn't suit you (even if it's a style the bride loves). I would hope too that when it comes to dresses, brides are taking BM comfort into consideration. I love the look of strapless dresses - but I had 3 girls who despise that style and would have been horribly uncomfortable all night - so I picked something else. It's not that hard to treat people well AND have a look that you like.

I would not delegate it either way. Everyone looks different and has a preference on hair. For me, my hair looks better up and out of my face. I don't think you should make them do something they don't want to do, even if you were paying. They're wearing the same color already. My bridesmaids will be wearing the same color in different styles and have free reign to get their hair/make up done as they please.

Yes, it's rude to dictate style if you aren't paying for it. I personally don't like updo hairstyles on me, I just don't think they flatter me and if they are too tight they give me headaches. So I'd be annoyed to have that dictated if I was paying for it myself. I had my bridesmaids in different dresses (same color), they picked their own shoes & jewelry, and we paid for their hair and makeup but they picked their own styles. Everyone still looked very complimentary and like bridesmaids.

bridesmaids in 1 color, MOH in another

I think it's fine to ask them to all go with an up-do but I also think you should be ok if they decide they don't want an up do.

Keep in mind not everyone likes the way they look with their hair up. You want your bridesmaids to feel beautiful... so I'd only request an updo if everyone feels confident with updos.

The only thing that was the same with my bridesmaids was the color of their dress. I allowed them to wear whatever shoes and have their hair in whatever way they like. Everyone looked great and the photos came out fine. So if everyone isn't about the updos, don't worry! Everything will be fine!

Really depends on the girls. Mine were actually asking me to please decide on things like hairstyles for them, because they really didn’t care either way 😂 but I’m not the type to even want to dictate what someone else looks like so I kept telling them whatever you want. My super indecisive MOH told me I HAD to choose for her (lmao) and I told her to wear it down because she has beautiful hair so may as well show it off hahah. My other 3 bridesmaids ended up choosing updos.


So like, I say it depends on the girls because in my situation, if I had asked them all to do updos they all would’ve been perfectly happy with that. But since some people may not be, I would tell them maybe you’d prefer an updo but ultimately it’s up to them?
But also, I really don’t think it matters how they wear their hair. Based on the dress color alone people will get that they’re your bridesmaids. I don’t think you really need anything else to make them look “uniform.” This is one of these things that like, when you look back on your wedding in a few years are you really going to care how your bridesmaids wore their hair?? That’s why I say I think you can express your preference for an updo but I wouldn’t make too big a deal of it because it really is not a big deal.

View Quoted Comment

Try Miss Manners' Guide to a Surprisingly Dignified Wedding.