Bridesmaids hairstyle

View Quoted Comment It doesn’t need to be. I’m just asking to get a feel for the way others have done it. I love all the different looks your gals had!

View Quoted Comment Ok. Thank you!

View Quoted Comment I never said they were props. Thank you so much for your responsiveness!

View Quoted Comment Thank you for your response! I wouldn’t be dictating. Asking is different than telling. Your response will help me better make my decision.

View Quoted Comment You will find that on these boards people have strong opinions, especially when it comes to expectations of bridesmaids, open bars, and having a “b list” of guests 😉 at the end of the day, you know your crowd better than anyone here.

When trying to decide what is/isn’t ok to ask of a bridesmaid, I always try to think of how I would feel if I were in their shoes, and if it impacts them outside of just my wedding day, I probably wouldn’t ask.

Example: getting their nails done - a few have asked me what color they need to get, initially I wanted them all to have a specific color... but I will just be requesting that they wear a burgundy, a nude/neutral, or that they at least have clean nails (basically no crazy color) because realistically I’m not paying for their nails to be done that morning and they’ll have to live with them after the fact.

View Quoted Comment No kidding! Thanks for the heads up. I felt like I was being crucified for nothing lol. I’ll have to make sure I remember that before asking another question.

Thank you you for helping put it into perspective for me. I’ve never been a bridesmaid I have a small group of friends most of whom are younger than me. Therefore I don’t know what is acceptable to ask and what is not.

I am am indeed paying for all of it so I was next going to ask other questions but I don’t know if I dare ask it. Maybe I should put in my bio amateur bride here I ask silly questions 😂

I will probably not be asking more questions on the forum because it seems most people like to jump to conclusions and make you out to be the bad guy. Thanks for your help! And niceness!

View Quoted Comment Anytime! Feel free to send a private message if you need advice or someone to bounce an idea off of!

View Quoted Comment Will do! 😁

View Quoted Comment

I've never been to a wedding that had all the bridesmaids with the same hairstyle, that seems weird.

You quite literally asked: "I haven’t yet I just am not sure if it is an unreasonable request." Then nearly everyone answered that it is an unreasonable request. I'm confused why you are now telling people to calm down and feeling "crucified" but I guess you can read whatever you like into the responses.

I agree that it's an unreasonable request and wanted to add some more food for thought: Would you ask the bridesmaid with longer hair to cut it short to match? I doubt you would but in my opinion that would be just as unreasonable. We've seen ALL kinds of things here, including brides asking their friends to lose weight, cover tattoos, not wear makeup, wear specific makeup, you name it.

Prioritizing the look of photos over the feelings of loved ones is a VERY common theme in posts here. So, I'm very glad you asked here first before talking to your bridesmaids.

I like the uniformed look also. I would word it that you wanted everyone to have same hair dress and makeup. Ask if she would consider growing hair out or extensions and emphasize you don’t mean to offend you just like uniformity. I find it silly to be offended or small issues.

View Quoted Comment Thank you. I was thinking extensions might be a better option to ask so as not to offend.

View Quoted Comment Well said! Saves me the trouble of saying it lol.

And while some people are questioning why you feel attacked, I saw it too. There is a way to give an opinion without being condescending or snarky. Some ladies just don’t know how. Think of it as good practice for dealing with in-laws and coworkers and neighbors who may at some point offer less than constructive criticism.

It’s good that you’re asking questions. Don’t let this deter you.

View Quoted Comment Just so you are aware, generally if you are requiring your girls to get their hair done you should be paying for it. I think this is especially true if they are to have the same hair style and extensions

View Quoted Comment Oh and to piggy back. I been a bridesmaid 3 times. One time I hate the dress. But it made the bride happy so I wore it without complaints. Another time she wanted everyone to have straight black hair with a middle part. (My hair was blonde) I said It was too much for me to do. She understood so I had straight hair with middle part blonde. I feel like as a bridesmaid we love the bride and wouldn’t take it personally. Unless your weak hearted lol

My sister’s (MOH) hair is SHORT, like just past her ears short. I would never ask her to grow her out out just for my wedding. She cut it because that’s how she feels most comfortable. However, since her hair won’t go up in an updo I did ask all my bridesmaids that they wear their hair down, anyway they want, that way they have similarish hair styles.

Like with all things, a good quick test of reasonableness of an idea is to ask how you would feel if someone asked the same of you? If your hair is long, and you like it that way, would you think it was reasonable if a friend asked you to cut it off for her wedding -- so you looked more like her short-haired bridesmaids? Personally, that would be a no-go for me. Hopefully, if I'm in your wedding it's because I'm a good friend and you love me; not because I can look like others so your pictures look uniform. I truly don't think people mean to be harsh, they are just demonstrating how they'd feel as the recipient of the request. Try to see it as better to hear honest reactions from strangers before you possibly insult people you know and love.

PS -- I had very short hair, like a pixie, for decades. As the MOB, I decided I'd try to grow my hair out for daughter's wedding. I had 18 months, and barely managed to get it to a reasonably even-length bob, well above my shoulders. Hair grows about 1/2" a month -- if not trimmed. In the 9 months till your wedding, at best, your friend will gain 4" (not counting any trimming she needs for it to not look like a crazy, growing-out mess -- been there, done that). If her hair is truly "short" now, it's not going to be significantly longer by the wedding, and you may have made her feel bad/annoyed with you for nothing. Hang in! This can be an amazing forum for gaining info and insight, but sometimes it helps to have a thick skin. Good luck!

It is unreasonable but it’s great that you realize that after reading all of the other messages. Don’t feel bad for asking questions. I’m sure everyone else are asking silly questions too. We are all new to this for the most part. It’s better to get informed than going around not knowing what to do. Ask all the silly questions you have cause maybe you can learn but also others can learn with you. But happy planning! Reach out if you need anything!

Hair color and length are definitely off limits. My best friend last year requested all natural hair colors for her wedding when one of her BMS normally has crazy hair. Her mom was so mad when we were talking about it, we were tempted to go get lime green extensions just because we could. Love your people for you who they are, not for what they look like.

I’m thinking that part of why you were considering asking your friend to grow her hair may be because you don’t know how she would wear it. Being that I don’t have and never had short hair, I wouldn’t know either. Perhaps you could just ask what she has in mind for hair styles for your wedding. Maybe if she wore a headband it would give her a fancier look if that’s what you’re worried about. I know some people like all their girls to look the same, and that’s ok but is usually an unobtainable goal for many reasons. You, your friend and your wedding will be beautiful no matter who has long, short or no hair!