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Miranda Landry
Dedicated May 2022

Bridesmaids rant

Miranda Landry, on August 2, 2021 at 3:54 AM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 32
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If anyone is looking for a sign not to have bridesmaids, this is it. I feel like my bridesmaids are so ungrateful. I let them choose their own style dresses because I’m picky with how I like certain things on myself, but I had a change of heart on the color I wanted the dresses after doing some more planning with my flowers. They just ordered them less than a month ago and only two of them were delivered out of 6. We have 60 days to exchange the dresses at no extra cost and plenty of time to do so. I even offered to drop the dresses off myself for those who already had their’s delivered and if anyone needed me to pick their new one up, I would do so and deliver it to them myself. They don’t even have to change the style they picked out, just the color and I’m dealing with moaning and complaining. Also, more than half of the time when I reach out to them, they don’t respond. I think I have two bridesmaids that actually make an effort to show they want to be involved and don’t complain. The majority of my bridesmaids are also my cousins who I grew up really close with, but they never even ask to spend time with me anymore unless we see each other at a family event. I feel like the black sheep of the group now and can’t help but feel they have this weird resentment towards me. It also doesn’t help that I was essentially guilted into making my little cousin who I never even grew up with or really talked to one of my bridesmaids, which also made the wedding parties uneven and awkward. I don’t even have any cousins on my dad’s side as bridesmaids so it shouldn’t be awkward that not every single cousin was invited to be a bridesmaid. My original reasoning for her not being a bridesmaid (other than not being close with her at all) was because of the fact she’ll only be 15 at the time of the wedding and she can’t come to the bachelorette party that will involve drinking. I told my cousins this concern and I wouldn’t expect them to make my brother a groomsman either. After I was guilted into making her a junior bridesmaid (which didn’t take more than a couple weeks), I made up a nice proposal package and never even received a “thank you” or any acknowledgment and her sisters have been petty about it since. I’m not even a bridezilla. I’m not requiring specific shoes, makeup, or hair, and I’m not requiring them to pay for anything, but their own expenses for their dress (which was less than $100 for most since I chose to go to David’s Bridal rather than my dress salon for convenience) and the bachelorette party (which will be nearby for convenience). I’m already under a ton of stress with planning and finances and they’re not making things any easier on me. I’m just so fed up.

32 Comments

Latest activity by Jacks, on August 13, 2021 at 2:24 PM
  • Miranda Landry
    Dedicated May 2022
    Miranda Landry ·
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    So they only have to pay for themselves and I even worked around my entire schedule to make sure that my cousin who lives out of state was able to attend dress shopping with the rest of the bridesmaids. I even went as far as entirely changing the date of my wedding to a much more expensive date so my cousin out of state would have a chance at attending. I’ve revolved literally everything around their convenience and still feel they’re ungrateful.
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  • Jacks
    Rockstar November 2054
    Jacks ·
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    You're not getting married for another 9 months. It's like that they feel like there is so much time before anything needs to happen. The colour change would have been annoying, so yeah I do get that.

    No-one is going to be as excited about your wedding as you are. That's OK. Sounds like you're on the right track with only asking them to buy their dresses, which is perfect.

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  • Miranda Landry
    Dedicated May 2022
    Miranda Landry ·
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    What bothered me the most though is how ironically the bridesmaid who’s complaining the most about the color change is the one I’ve worked my entire schedule around so my wedding would be convenient for her. I’m paying 4x more because I changed the date so she’d have a better chance at attending and she’s complaining about a color change that would cost her nothing but a minor inconvenience :/
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  • Sarah
    Master September 2019
    Sarah ·
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    Sometimes it’s important to remember that just because you would do something (move your wedding date for someone else, which I would have seriously advised against) doesn’t mean that everyone would do things like that. Holding expectations on someone because of the choices/changes you made for that person is likely to result in you being regularly disappointed in life. The people who push us to do things we don’t really want to do for their benefit probably won’t return the favor.


    It’s time to start choosing things you want and time to start setting boundaries with people so that you aren’t bending over backwards for anyone anymore.
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  • Miranda Landry
    Dedicated May 2022
    Miranda Landry ·
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    Yeah, thank you. I need that reminder a little more often. It’s just been a disappointing experience having bridesmaids so far. Sometimes it just makes me wish that I just went with a smaller wedding and forgot about everyone else. I feel like I’m paying so much for people that are going to be ungrateful.
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  • C
    Super July 2020
    Cool ·
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    I think you should keep the dresses the color they are. Forget the fact that they don’t want to go exchange them, etc. but what if the store doesn’t end up having everyone’s size in that color within the 60-day window of their return? Or if one of them gets it too late? Then they’ll be mismatch which it doesn’t sound like you want. Everything else aside this doesn’t sound like a battle worth fighting because there’s zero guarantee they’ll be able to get the dress you now want for them.
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  • Miranda Landry
    Dedicated May 2022
    Miranda Landry ·
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    The dresses were all ordered online and David’s Bridal has nearly every dress in that color so I don’t think that should be an issue, but if it is then I’ll cross that road when it comes. I’m going to call to see if I can change everything on my end myself since they were ordered on my rewards account.
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  • M
    Legend June 2019
    Melle ·
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    I can see where you are coming from because it sounds like you've been a really flexible bride! so i can see your disappointment at them for not being as excited as you'd hoped and for complaining about something you're offering to do for them.

    but from my personal experience, i definitely also understand the other people's comments about no one being as excited about you. it's true! it's sad, but true. i quickly realized my bridesmaids had their own thing going on and they couldn't always be focused when i wanted them to be, unfortunately. does not mean they are not happy for you though.

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  • Ashlee
    Super September 2022
    Ashlee ·
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    I don't think it's fair to call them ungrateful when you changed the color of the dress after they already ordered, regardless if only 2 had been delivered. Like a PP mentioned, the may not have the same style in that color in the size within that time frame, it adds additional work on the bridesmaids. Granted we're only given the information you provided, but I'd be annoyed with the change too.

    Also, you say you're only expecting them to buy their dress and be there for bachelorette, but you're also complaining that they don't seem to want to be involved. I think your hopes and expectations are higher than what you're conveying. Maybe just have a conversation but keep in mind that no one will ever have the same level of excitement for your wedding as you.

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  • Janet
    Expert October 2018
    Janet ·
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    I agree, and just out of curiosity, why are they ordering dresses 9 months out? I understand pre-planning to get it out of the way, but bridesmaids usually don't get there dresses until maybe 4-6 months before.

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  • Miranda Landry
    Dedicated May 2022
    Miranda Landry ·
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    I called the store myself and had the color changed for free and they got to keep the same size and style they chose. I’m just annoyed because I’ve been working my entire schedule around them and they were complaining over a minor inconvenience that would cost them nothing. One of my bridesmaids who was complaining in particular, I had changed my wedding date to a more expensive date for so she’d have a chance at making it and I went bridesmaid dress shopping so early because she lives out of state and I wanted her to be able to attend with the rest of the girls. It’s also annoying when you try to send out important updates or ask for advice on small details and they read your message and refuse to respond. That’s what I meant about being involved, nothing else.
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  • Miranda Landry
    Dedicated May 2022
    Miranda Landry ·
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    I have a bridesmaid who lives out of state and was in state for only a short amount of time to be able to attend dress shopping with the rest of the girls. I didn’t want her to feel left out.
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  • Vicky
    VIP January 2020
    Vicky ·
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    What exactly do you think they should be grateful for?

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  • Miranda Landry
    Dedicated May 2022
    Miranda Landry ·
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    I’ve worked my entire schedule around their’s so things would be as convenient as possible for them. I even decided on going to David’s Bridal because it’s cheaper and closer instead of my dress salon that I would’ve had a better experience at since it provides mimosa brunches as you shop for bridesmaid dresses. I’ve also even changed the date of my wedding entirely for one of my bridesmaids so she’d be able to attend and I changed it to a more expensive date (Friday before Memorial Day weekend) meaning hotels are 4x more expensive and everything including vendors book way faster. So I just found it ironic that they’re complaining about a tiny inconvenience that would cost them nothing.
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  • Vicky
    VIP January 2020
    Vicky ·
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    You think they should be grateful you didn't decide to go to a more expensive salon so that you could have the experience of complimentary mimosas while bridesmaid dress shopping? Seriously?

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  • Jacks
    Rockstar November 2054
    Jacks ·
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    I think it's good to remember that it's your wedding, not theirs. No-one will care about it as much as you do, and your wedding isn't until next May. Their only job is to show up in the attire ready for the ceremony next May.

    The wedding party is your chance to honour your closest people, not the other way around.

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  • Miranda Landry
    Dedicated May 2022
    Miranda Landry ·
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    Did you completely miss the part where I said I even changed the date of my wedding to a more expensive date? I also feel you should be grateful just to be such a big part of someone’s day. It’s not even like I’m requiring anything of them but buying their own $85 dress and their own dinner at my bachelorette party. I’m spending more on them than they are on themselves to be a part of my wedding.
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  • Jacks
    Rockstar November 2054
    Jacks ·
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    That's pretty normal though for the wedding couple to incur the expenses, though. The hair, makeup and nails should be covered by you if you're requiring it. They really should only be paying for their dresses. If you decide to pay for their makeup etc. that's for your photos, not really for them. You should be spending more for them to be a part of your wedding. That's normal.

    In terms of the bachelorette, you don't know what whomever hosts it wants to do yet? Surely that won't be planned by anyone for months.

    You changing the date of your wedding isn't for them to be grateful about, because it's your wedding/your choice. Honestly that's a lot of pressure on your cousin if you're expecting gratitude for that.

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  • Miranda Landry
    Dedicated May 2022
    Miranda Landry ·
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    I’m not asking my maid of honor or bridesmaids to host my bachelorette party. I’m simply asking them to show up and pay for themselves. I don’t think asking for her to take all I’ve done into consideration before deciding to complain is really too much to ask.
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  • Jacks
    Rockstar November 2054
    Jacks ·
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    Yes you've been clear about that. Again, I think you're seeing things from your own point of view and not how they would see it.

    Are you sure you want to plan your own bachelorette? Usually that's for other people to plan for you as a gift. To many people, it's not considered polite to throw parties in your own honour or to ask for them to be thrown. Maybe wait to see if someone wants to have a party for you.

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