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Beginner January 2019

Bridesmaids stressing me Out😣

Raquel, on July 14, 2018 at 9:57 PM Posted in Community Conversations 0 26

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So I asked 5 of my friends to be bridesmaids. You know people I thought would be super supportive... unfortunately, these ladies have given me such a hard time. After one month one told me my wedding wasn't a priority for her, all because I was trying to reach her with questions during the dress selection process. Another always finds a way to make it about her and her upcoming surgery...told me she didn't like my dress and is kinda rude to everyone, even the lady at the bridal shop. And the cake topper my moh was all on board with ideas, helping and then boom she stop. She told me she was transitioning (in a breakup) and she will try to be present. She doesn't call as much and has put communication with the other ladies (with regards to bachelorette party) on hold. It's so tense when we do talk, and unfortunately we've had a few arguments. I understand how she feels and have always been there for her during these times. You know, keep her busy, take her out but I can't now as I'm in full wedding grind. I was hoping she could push through. BUT IDK, it's like I'm afraid to show my complete and utter happiness around her because of her situation. I tried speaking to her and she said no she was fine. I know she is happy for me, I just don't think she knows how to be😕

My wedding is in January.... this process was suppose to be fun. My only stress was to come from vendors😢 missing my #moh

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Latest activity by Tpatb, on July 16, 2018 at 3:20 PM

Dedicated August 2018
Elizabeth · on July 14, 2018 at 10:27 PM
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Oh, I'm so sorry! I had a few of mine wait til 2 months before the wedding to tell me they can't even make it. One because of a new car and a dance class she decided was more important after she promised she'd be here... Idk what to think. We can do this though
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Savvy July 2018
Kyandra · on July 14, 2018 at 10:29 PM
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I'm sorry you have to go through this. Sit down and talk about how you feel with your bridal party and hopefully they'll jump on board. I what you the best!
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Beginner January 2019
Raquel · on July 14, 2018 at 10:40 PM
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Oh wow! Here I was thinking why me... I'm sorry you had to experience this too. You are right we'll get through it and come out as Mrs!
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Dedicated July 2020
Katie · on July 14, 2018 at 10:40 PM
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Im so Sorry! Unfortunately I know a few friends this has happened to recently and it put distance in their friendship. I hope things work out for you girl. Chin up!
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Beginner January 2019
Raquel · on July 14, 2018 at 10:41 PM
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Thank you very much!
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Beginner January 2019
Raquel · on July 14, 2018 at 10:45 PM
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Ty, it's just crazy to me. I would never be that way I think that's why it bothers me so much.
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Dedicated August 2018
Elizabeth · on July 14, 2018 at 10:46 PM
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Heck yes we will!
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Master August 2019
Tpatb · on July 14, 2018 at 11:57 PM
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I don’t think they’re impartial to your feelings & I’m sure they’re happy for you, they’re just going through a lot right now. Your friend who is in the breakup probably just needs some tlc..or space. Inagine how hard it is trying to process a breakup & try to help someone plan a wedding. You have someoen else getting ready for surgery..that takes mental prep & recovery. The person who told you your wedding wasn’t a priority maybe she felt you cmae off too pushy & blew up bc she has a lot going on. I’m sorry ypu feel this way, but we have to realize they too have lives & everyone isn’t going to be as excited bc it’s OUR day..not theirs. Talk abt it w/ the ppl you can..& check on your girls!! Your wedding is in Jan..a lot can turn around in 6mos! Try not to stress! Take things little by little.
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Master September 2019
Colleen · on July 15, 2018 at 12:56 AM
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Can you wait maybe two three weeks. Breakups can be hard and seeing stuff about your wedding can make it worse. If she has gotten the dress she is good. Even if not still time left.
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VIP January 2026
Chariece & Sterling · on July 15, 2018 at 1:17 AM
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Sorry you ladies are going thur this. It is a given that everyone will not be happy for you. Some reason are understandable justified. However please don't let anyone steal your happiness. I share wedding ideas with my fh husband just enough that he feels included but not wedding crazy!!. And when my wedding party ask me how they can help me I graciously respond.Honestly wedding planning is my calm state (for now). I have never done more than an introduction on this site. However I like to join in certain discussions. Because maybe your situation can help the next bride to be who can relate to what you are experiencing.
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Dedicated April 2020
Helen · on July 15, 2018 at 3:31 AM
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Sorry you’re going through this. My supposed to be best friend has been in a bad marriage for 10 yrs and isn’t happy for me. I didn’t include her in the wedding party, b/c I don’t want any negativity. I even downplay gifts my fiancé buys me for holidays and birthdays, b/c her husband doesn’t do any of that for her. It’s like I feel bad for being happy around her b/c she’s so unhappy.
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Master September 2018
FutureMrs.L · on July 15, 2018 at 9:24 AM
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One of your friends is having surgery, that's a priority, not your wedding. I had to have emergency surgery in May, my own planning took a back seat for over a month. It was a lot of mental prep, counseling (the news may not have been good), and recovery was absolutely awful. She needs you to be there for her now, she's not unhappy for you, she's just focused on her surgery, which she should be.
When did you ask them, because they're right. Your wedding isn't their priority in June/July... My wedding is in September and I'm still trying to get BM dresses. My wedding isn't a priority for my friends. Their lives don't stop.

Your friend is going through a breakup, and you're talking wedding talk. Honestly, my advice is to stop... let it be for a bit. Let her transition and adjust to being single and no longer with her partner. No one wants to discuss wedding plans while going through a breakup, it can be hurtful. You can be a friend and a bride. It's not one or the other.

One of my closest friends is an awful relationship. Her marriage is toxic, we all know this, we've all told her this. I wanted her to be a BM, however her husband told her she's not allowed. She's not replying to my messages, but i keep trying. Why? Because she's my friend. My friendships don't take a back burner just because i'm planning a wedding.
Give it time to settle for your BMs. You have ample time to get the dresses sorted out. They are not obligated to help plan anything for the wedding. They're not obligated to host a shower or bach party.

My MOH has been crazy busy, my BM is 4 hours away.. They both reply to texts when they can when i ask their opinions, but i'm not bombarding them. Maybe my sister (just a little) about shoes cause i'm super indecisive. LOL
Honestly, i do understand feeling like your friends don't care, but understand and accept your wedding isn't a priority for anyone other than you and FH. Your BMs have lives, one's transitioning from a relationship, one is having surgery. Those are big things, and take an emotional toll on someone. Be there for them, and try less of the wedding talk.
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Savvy November 2021
· on July 16, 2018 at 2:32 AM
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This is why me and FH cut out a wedding party all together and just decided to add a few small children! I love My friends and family but when i started getting text messages of how fat they’re gonna look in the bridesmaids dresses I picked out and telling me what I should and shouldn’t do my anxiety immediately went up! So my mom
said just do small kids! Ask parents that are invited if it’s ok and tell them how you want the kids to dress and you can hand them back over after photos are done! Plus we don’t have to worry about wedding party gifts lol
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Master September 2019
Colleen · on July 16, 2018 at 8:04 AM
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Umm kids do not always corporate. They may not want to go down the isle and cry. Plus we are getting our RB FG and jr brides maid gifts.
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Master September 2018
FutureMrs.L · on July 16, 2018 at 8:28 AM
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Kids aren't props.... If a "friend" talked bout my son that way, i'd 100% decline their involvement in the wedding.
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Master September 2019
Colleen · on July 16, 2018 at 9:13 AM
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Right? The kids in our wedding are there cause we want them there. They are included in the rehearsal, rehearsal dinner and getting gifts.
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Beginner January 2019
Raquel · on July 16, 2018 at 9:21 AM
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Thank you and you are right. I will give it time and in the meantime direct my energy on all the good that is about to happen for me.
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Master August 2019
Tpatb · on July 16, 2018 at 9:38 AM
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Yeah I’m sorry those last 2-3 sentences kind’ve wowed me & not in a good way. Kindve rude to say you’re using kids just for photos & then “hand them back after photos are done” 😕 they’re still doing something nice for you so why not get them a gift? It really doesn’t take a lot to please kids.
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Devoted December 2018
Ashley · on July 16, 2018 at 10:05 AM
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I’m sorry you’re going through this. I was having a hard time as well and because of the unnecessary stresss I told them “ thank you but no thank you” and now I only have to deal with my matron of honor who I also feel like getting rid of as well.
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Beginner January 2019
Raquel · on July 16, 2018 at 10:12 AM
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Thank you for your reply. However, what I didn't do was go into full details about every scenario but here is some... When I got engaged I did not want a wedding but my fh did and my bf/moh said this is my wedding, so I said ok let's do it. She has been hands on involved from day one with evertything. She has been in the same on again off again relationship for the past 15 yrs. So honestly I didn't think she wouldn't be able to push through, considering she practically helped me plan the entire thing willing. I'm not a pushy bride and considered all parties involved. I have a group text and send info that way, trust I'm not bombarding them. They've actually said I'm not saying much lol

I spoke with my friend having surgery prior to and have worked around her date. My only issue with that is i have looked past her negativity about so much. But now her tummy tuck has been rescheduled pushing back my ordering the dresses to the end of August. When everything was being done early so the dresses can arrive and be sent if needed to out of town bridesmaids for alterations. Major problem...

So yeah they are stressing me out during my happy time.
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Bridesmaids stressing me Out😣

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