Bridesmaids & Wedding Party?

To me personally, asking me to be in the wedding party or the "I Do Crew" I would assume that I was a bridesmaid. Maybe try to word it better?

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Any Ideas!? I'm terrible at wording things..

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I mean it seems like they are just coming to your wedding as a guest honestly. Guests can still attend your bachelorette party. If this was me I personally would invite them as a normal guests and maybe ask them if they wanted to get ready with you.

So you just want them to be your friends? Because these are things that friends do, not specifically the wedding party. The wedding party is literally made up of bridesmaids and/or groomsmen, so yes, they're going to assume that you want them to be in the wedding party if you ask them to be in the wedding party. I would totally avoid this.

I would assume that "I Do Crew" or being asked to be in the "Wedding Party" means that I would be a bridesmaid. If there aren't specific tasks you'd be asking them to do, I wouldn't suggest giving them a proposal gift box. Instead, you can still invite them to the bachelorette party and let them know that they're welcome to spend the morning getting ready with you. Otherwise, you could have 2 of them do readings during the ceremony and have the other 2 hand out ceremony programs (or some other task). That way, you're still including them, but you don't have 10 people standing at the altar.

I have to agree, asking to be part of the “I Do Crew” will likely be misconstrued as asking them to be bridesmaids. And then having to further explain that they are not bridesmaids seems like you are further pointing out the fact that they didn’t make the cut. If these girls are that important to you, and you would like them to be bridesmaids and the only reason you are not asking them to be bridesmaids is that you don’t want 10 people standing up with you, you could always have 10 bridesmaids and not have them stand up front. I’ve been to lots of weddings with large wedding parties who just have them walk down the aisle then sit in the front row

View Quoted Comment I agree with Chrysta's idea of having all as bridesmaids, but have them sit in the front row instead of at the altar during the ceremony! The only thing I'd like to add to her idea is, if you choose to do this idea, to either have all bridesmaids sit in the front row during the ceremony (except for maybe the MOH), or have all of them stand at the altar. Don't have some stand and some sit. That way, no one gets offended that they didn't get to stand at the altar while other bridesmaids did.

Most people would translate that to mean you are asking them to be bridesmaids.


Alot of people forget or don't even register that being a guest is a huge honor in itself. Not everyone wants the responsibility of being a bridesmaid or other "duties/roles" but they still want to celebrate with you. Pick the small number you want (6 maids?) and have fun with all of them together.

I agree- if someone gave me a “I Do Crew” I’d be thinking I was in the wedding. So many great ideas that people have said.

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So I do actually have task's for all 4 of them (example: I'm having a "photo guest book" so I was going to ask 2 of them to help take the polaroid photos & make sure people sign the book). Plus the venue we booked has a bridal cabin so I wanted them to know they're invited to the rehersal dinner, stay the night the night before & spend wedding day with us. I can't do the bridesmaids sitting down idea because my fiancé doesn't have this problem.. lol. He has his 6 groomsmen and that's it so I don't want them to all have to sit just because I wanted to include 4 extra girls. I guess I could cut their tasks out and they could just be guest's but I wanted them to be more included.

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Tbh no one wants to do "tasks" like that so I would definitely either invite them to be bridesmaids or simply have them as guests. You can have uneven sides. Or, you can just have a normal conversation closer to the time where you invite them to stay at the cabin, rehearsal dinner, etc.

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I agree with this. Being a bridesmaid is an honor, completing "tasks" for you on your wedding day is a job.

View Quoted Comment Oh, got it! I don't think you need to cut the tasks. Would maybe calling them "Bride Assistants" or "Honor Attendants" or "Guest Book Attendants" be more clear that they're not bridesmaids, but they have other tasks instead? In the proposal gift box, you could include a letter that asks them to be a Bride Assistant (or whatever name you choose for it), and list that you'd love their help as a Polaroid guest book photographer/etc! As time gets closer, send them invites for the rehearsal dinner and bridal cabin.

View Quoted Comment Please don't do this. Either give them bridesmaid duty or have them as guests. But neither group should be performing duties typically hired out.


Being a guest is a HUGE honor in itself. People feel incredibly included to share in the day by witnessing the ceremony and partying afterward, without being asked to work. There is no such thing as "just a guest". If they are only a spacefiller like that, don't invite them

"Wedding Party" is by definition your bridesmaids and groomsmen (and flower girl/ring bearer). "I Do Crew" is also the same thing. Yes, it will be very confusing (and potentially hurtful) to give them what many would think was a proposal box only to be let down that they are not part of your bridal party. You can still ask them to attend all of those events - I would focus instead on fun/creative invitations for those events specifically as the day grows closer. Please do not assign them jobs - they are your honored guests. If someone offers to help, then by all means throw out some ideas, but assigning them tasks is presumptive (and again, potentially hurtful).

Okay.. thanks for all the opinions! I have a guest list of about 300-400, joys of being from a small town and knowing everyone. So I was trying to think of ways to make them feel a little more special than just a guest. I'll keep wracking my brain for ideas!

View Quoted Comment Honestly, I think most bridesmaids and groomsmen would prefer sitting in the front row then standing at the altar throughout the ceremony. My cousin gave their wedding party the choice of whether they would rather stand or sit, and they unanimously said sit LOL I thought it was a great idea, so we also gave our wedding party the choice of standing or sitting, and they all wanted to sit also. Standing on display in front of a large crowd of people staring at you isn’t most peoples’ idea of fun. Plus, the more people you have standing with you, the more of a distraction is from the ceremony and you and your fiancé. we will be having only the best man and maid of honor sand with us (so they can hand us the rings, and my MOH can hold my bouquet for me during the ceremony).

I wouldn't recommend doing this. Even if you explain your reasoning to the others who don't get to stand up, they will still feel like second-class bridesmaids who didn't make the cut just for the sake of even numbers. I would invite them as guests and to your bachelorette party, and have them attend your wedding as guests

View Quoted Comment No not this

It is a nice thought, but I please don’t do this.
In order of preference for role at a close friend’s wedding 1) bridesmaid 2) guest 3) guest providing free labor. It is very common to invite more friends to a bachelorette party than are in the wedding.
The other thing to consider before saying anything is if you will have space for 10 girls, you, and family to all get ready together? What about getting ready pictures, are the bridesmaids wearing the same outfit/robes and how will you handle it? Since the majority of people getting ready with you will be in the wedding, it may be more hurtful to be the few who aren’t bridesmaids to be there as outsiders rather than not being there at all.