Bridesmaids

I didn’t ask my bridesmaids for help with anything. Only 1 lived local to me, and she planned one of our showers, but otherwise, they didn’t do anything and I didn’t ask them to.

Okay, you do a lot of planning and brainstorming to figure things out yourself.


However, I consulted/ran things past ⚾️Bridal party members and Hostesses.
You have to have someone to bounce things off of to see what sticks.

I think it varies. Most people are busy with their own lives and don’t have tons of free time for things mike this. They will be there for the wedding day and other important events but other than that I wouldn’t expect much

They aren’t supposed to do a lot, but they can at least advise.


Especially those that have had or been a major part of a Wedding.

I personally don’t expect much from my BM when it comes to the actual planning of the wedding. But I am someone that likes to do things myself. My BM have offered to help with set up and I do plan on taking them up on that

I haven’t included my bridesmaids in anything, really. A couple came dress shopping with me, but that’s it. The rest of the planning has been my FH and myself. I just texted them as a group for the first time with dress information (even then, they only need a dress in the right length and color, otherwise I have no preference) a week or so ago and we’re under the 6 month mark. I just don’t think the planning is something they need to be involved in (unless they’re really excited and offer to help in some way).

Bridal party involvement in my opinion is a read your crowd kind of thing. My MOH has been involved and my bridesmaids have offered to help. But we're all one friend group already so it's super easy to chat as a group and we all live in the same city. But them helping was definitely a nice perk of who they are and they're current situations and was not an initial expectation of mine

Our weddings are the same day! Isn’t it such a nice one to remember?


We have a total of 6 in our wedding party (all our siblings; I have 2 brothers, she has 2 brothers and 2 sisters) and none of them have done much. I personally would love some more excited/involved bridesmaids, and I’m hoping as the day gets closer excitement will build. Until then, you’ve always got us

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View Quoted Comment It’s great when you have friends that are willing to help you and ask what YOU need help with.

Really the planning is on you and your FH but I think maybe asking their opinions on some things like your bouquet or maybe which accessories or even share with them you vendor choices. I think also to is that your ladies have their own lives and do not think to help for your day. I think they will be more involved when it comes to wedding related events.

I haven't asked my bridesmaids for help or input on anything. Once in a while, I'll send them email updates since I don't talk to all of them on a regular basis (one of them is a consultant for a big company and always traveling), but I don't expect them to help with anything wedding related at all.

I feel like they should be excited, why else be a bridesmaid? Maybe try reaching out to them?

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I do not think that it is not that they are not excited but they may not think they are supposed to help plan. I have been excited for all my friends weddings but I showed support by attending dress fittings if they asked, being at pre wedding events if I could or being there day of. I never thought as a BM to help plan and not because I did not care or was not excited but I saw my role as help plan the bridal shower and bachelorette and then the day of pre events.

"Too many cooks spoil the pot" which means the more opinions and help you have, the outcome might not be good.

Once you have figured out what you want, you might want to ask the BM if they can help with a certain task. If you can't decide between 1 item or another, go ahead and ask their advice.

However, I don't think BM are meant to jump in and do everything with/for you.

People around you don't change their basic nature around your wedding. Some people are natural helpers. Anything the ate involved in even the least, they will be eager helpers. And others consider prepwork for anything a chore they will do because they don't want to say no to your face. Some will promise then do nothing. Some will do what they promised, get caught up in things and keep doing more. I see it as a problem when a bride has multiple people from all times in her life, a bunch of individuals not a team, and just assumes, she is team leader, or MOH is, and starts delegating. Or, just as bad, waits for, expects offers, and is both disappointed and angry when no one is interested till 6 weeks before the wedding, after all the excitement around the engagement. My Maid of Honor and 2 BM were hundreds of miles away during my whole engagement. They took care of dresses. Though they had met each other once or twice each, my MOH decided since they were within half hour of NYC, she would organize a day for dresses. Made cold calls, consulted with me for the list of colors, and style points , that I did not want. And they all picked nice things for themselves. She sent an email with pics. That's nice, done. And they were invited to my NYC FMIL shower. Total that they did. But if the three of them had lived next door, for the entire time, they wouldn't have to thought to do anything else. I am the doer and organizer and volunteer, in my friendship with each of them, and the childhood, college, or Army friend group they and I were in. They never initiated anything but calling someone else. But great companions, we did things together, all letter writers to stay close, visit regularly. That is their basic personality, and I am glad I did not count on anything different. My Matron of Honor, my grandmother's baby sister ( younger than my parents) , did no parties, but did all sorts of things. Thought of things, got stuff together, always anticipated what is next. Just as she does any time any place. If my brother organized a tractor pull, she would look up and get permits and make arrangements, and have a tow truck at hand. Pitches in for anything. Another friend like that, not in my WP, (having a difficult pregnancy with twins, due 2 wks before wedding) grew from bulbs and seeds and cuttings, all our flowers. Even a 6x8 foot rose arbor. And did a shower. And after we linked computers by phone modem, she called anybody and everybody, about anything needed. Babysitters 2 states away, cask of wine from a winery, anything. Never asked. I kind of knew she would. Because, lifelong, she always does. Like me, always doing things behind the scenes. I agree with the poster above who said, it is a know your crowd thing. The only problem, is mismatched expectations. Why I believe instead of surprise "proposals", both bride and prospective bridesmaids, should take time and talk things through, right from the start. No misunderstandings.

I had 9 bridesmaids, not one of them was involved in any planning. I think I group texted them twice throughout our 19 month engagement to ask "what do you like, A or B?" but that's it. My husband and I did 90% of the planning, and my mom helped with some. I've been a bridesmaid twice, neither time was I involved in planning the wedding.

I am pretty much planning mine myself. I've asked for opinions from my bridesmaids on a few things, and they're handling the bachelorette shindig.

I have three bridesmaids but I feel like the only one that has helped or I feel comfortable asking for help is my maid of honor/the grooms sister. I didn’t get asked to help when I was a bridesmaid so I’m not sure what to ask for help with. I’ve been kind of letting my sister and mother in law to be take over a bit and give all the input they want. Anyone that wants to help can help but I’m fine with doing things myself.

So far my bridesmaids have not been super involved in planning, but I've kept them up to date showing them things like our venue choice and they've been excited to see pictures and talk about the wedding. I have two MOHs and they will be a little more involved, going dress shopping with me and one is helping us with our engagement photos (outfits and managing our dog). The other MOH (my sister) has offered to plan my bachelorette party. It really comes down to your relationship with them, how much free time they have, and if they are people who naturally like to be involved in planning.