Bridesmaidzillas

My story is extremely light in comparison to other bride’s, I’m sure!


I had a friend who I asked to be in the bridal party, she accepted. At this point, we were pretty close — dinner at least once a week, talked daily — but as soon as I got engaged, she flipped a switch. At first, it was small things. My bridal party consists of childhood friends, cousins and college friends — some of which had never met. She had no desire to meet anyone in the bridal party. She was the only one who didn’t show up to my bridal dinner that my parents organized for the bridesmaids. When it came time to pick out dresses, I told my girls that they could pick out whatever dress as long as it was formal and pink or red. My bridesmaids LOVED getting to do this, and all of the dresses came together beautifully. She hated it. She hated red and pink, she hated formal gowns, she hated it all — this in turn led to her telling me that she wouldn’t be using her PTO for the wedding if it came down to her needing to.
Obviously, this is very surface level compared to other bridemaidzillas. But I removed her from the wedding party and never thought about it again!

One of my bridesmaids made it really difficult the entire process. She threatened not to come to the wedding once unless we did things her way. She refused to have her make up done by a professional even though I was paying for it, claiming that no one but her knew how to do her own make up. (This was before COVID so not hygiene related. I asked if she would be more comfortable if we used her make up instead of the make up artist's. But she said, no it's not that, she just doesn't want anyone else doing her make up.)

On the wedding day she kept making sarcastic comments and berated me a few times for stepping on my dress (I had a long train and I wasn't paying attention because I was caught up in the festivities). I'm pretty sure she wasn't concerned for my dress, only trying to express her annoyance - I still don't know what she was annoyed at, perhaps the fact that I was getting married before her. During the getting ready photos, she kept looking down at her phone even though she was in shot. The photographer had to tell her a couple of times not to do that because it would ruin the photo when everyone else were looking at each other.

After the wedding she refused to pay for the bridesmaid dress and shoes even though we had agreed that those would be the only things she would pay for, and she would get to keep them. It was custom made the dress for her, one that we especially made consulting her to make sure she liked the style. Her family is one of the richest in the neighbourhood and she gets a large monthly allowance (so it likely wasn't about money).

To top it all off, she posted wedding photos before we did on social media (the day after the wedding) even though I specifically asked everyone not to.... I wanted them to wait until the professional pics. But the day after the wedding, she posted a few shots on my wall taken on her phone. They weren't even good shots... the one with me and my husband was of us looking towards the ground as we half way bent down to pick up something off my dress. Kinda unflattering, serves no real purpose, and not really the first pictures I wanted to put up on social media of our wedding. Lots of people left congratulatory comments on that post so I didn't have the heart to take the post down.

After the wedding, she just stopped talking to me. (We never talked about what happened before on the wedding day, so she wasn't avoiding me because of a confrontation or anything). She ignored my messages asking after her, and ignored my birthday message to her and never bothered to send me a birthday message that year (even though we've sent each other birthday messages every year for the last 15 years). Basically ignoring all my messages even though she has seen them. My mom wasn't surprised and commented that she always thought that particular friend had been jealous of me. I guess she could well be right.

My SIL was a groomswoman, and apparently behaved so poorly, my BP still won't tell me what she did.

But I know she made my MOH (a woman roughly 15 years older than SIL) CRY, and guilted my bridesman into covering expenses for her... while she makes SUBSTANTIALLY more money than he does.

I have had a little different issue because my bff didn't even officially become my bridesmaids. I cut ties with her right after I got engaged.


I wasn't really close with her when we became adults and she was always putting me down and belittled me and she was never a supportive friend. When I became an adult I started to become really close with my mom. When I got engaged I asked my mom to be my MOH. All my friends totally understood why I chose her because of how close we are. Except my bff. My bff asked me right away after I got engaged who was going to be my matron of honor. I told her I haven't decided yet cause I literally just got engaged. Then when I showed everyone my ring and told them it was his grandmothers, this bff said I knew it, I told my mom that it was used. After that comment I told her that I decided on having my mom as my MOH. She was so mad she called me out on social media for being a bridezilla and a horrible bff. So I told her that she wasn't even close to being on the list of people I'd have stand next to me. And we'll through a bunch of other words I cut ties with her.

I was a bridesmaidzilla! But I felt this was completely within my rights, maybe some will agree...we'll see!

I was the MOH for my best friend's wedding about 6 years ago. I wanted everything to be perfect for her, I was really excited for her. So I reached out to her other bridesmaids to try and start getting the ball rolling on special events for her. Well, her other bridesmaids were extremely lackluster, they basically wanted no part of planning anything for her and just wanted to show up when things were done. The one girl who did want to be helpful lived almost 3 hours away and didn't have a car, so she had to take trains in on weekends to help and I didn't want to keep making her do that because she has her own life too. So I basically planned the entire bridal shower by myself. My best friend wanted a backyard style get together and her mom's house had a huge yard that we could do it at. I asked everyone to be there by 10 am to help set up, and nobody showed. NOBODY. Luckily I had my mom there because she helped me do everything. We set up all the tables and chairs, put the decorations up, and handled all of the food. Luckily, my dad had some catering experience in the past and he ended up making all of our food so I didn't have to take on much cost for that and we lived up the street from my best friend, so he was able to run the food to us. I had asked each bridesmaid to bring a certain decoration to put up as well. The first one showed up at 12, the shower started at 1. So I told her to very quickly set her decorations up. The second one showed up 15 minutes before my best friend was supposed to arrive with ONE balloon. ONE. The third one, the one who lived 3 hours away, got delayed on the train and didn't end up showing up until the shower was halfway over. And they all took credit for helping! My best friend thought they helped me with all this work when I literally did everything by myself with my parents who felt bad for me. I also spent at least $2k on the shower and nobody offered to help with anything.

So, I got upset and ended up telling my best friend what happened and I refused to do a bachelorette unless she spoke to them because I wasn't funding all of that and planning everything by myself while they just showed up. So once I told her she was obviously upset with these girls and spoke to them about it. One volunteered to plan the bachelorette and pay for my ticket to get into the comedy show (a whopping $20, but better than nothing I guess). Even at that, we had agreed to split my friend's food and drinks and somehow me and the girl who lived far away ended up footing a lot more money than everyone else did. I literally hated her bridal party lol. I'm not usually a demanding person and I'm REALLY understanding when it comes to money...but I couldn't at the time afford all of this by myself and thought bridesmaids were meant to help. So yea, I had my bridesmaidzilla moment! Apparently they make apps now for people to contribute their portions so nobody has to argue with anyone else. Wish that existed back then!

View Quoted Comment Wow! It wasn't you who was the bridesmaidzillas, it was the other BMs!! It sounds like you went way above and beyond to make the shower special for your friend (I'm glad your parents were so supportive)!

View Quoted Comment It doesn't sound like you were a bridesmaidzilla, It sounds like the rest of the girls were. You did everything and more for the bride. The bridesmaids took advantage of you.

So I had gotten engaged in 2019 and my best friend helped plan it and surprise me and everything. So all appearances seemed she was happy for me and supportive. Of course I asked her to be one of my Maid of Honors (I originally had 3).

Well fast forward about a year and a half and my fiancé had asked her a question about something she had posted on her Instagram story(It was a post bashing people who get married and divorced early but she did that when she was young) All he asked her was "I thought you were divorced?" and apparently she felt that he was "attacking" her and proceeded to go off on him and it ended in her telling him that our marriage was going to fail.

I was so hurt and upset. We had actually broken up before and she was horrible to me and I gave her a second chance against my better judgement because her dad had died and I didn't have anyone there for me when my dad died so I felt like I needed to be there for her. So when my fiancé brought that to my attention I didn't know what to do. It was right when COVID hit so everything was shutting down and I hadn't physically seen her in a few weeks.

Just as I was going to approach her about it, she blocked me on everything no explanation no nothing. I decided to just save my mental health and blood pressure and just let it go. Needless to say she was no longer in my wedding and to realize she was jealous that my relationship was doing so well when hers wasn't and she felt like my fiancé had replaced her as my best friend, which my fiancé is my best friend but he could never replace her. But since she didn't want to have an adult conversation about it and just be happy for me not only is the friendship over but so is her participation in my wedding.

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Tracey,
Oh, goodness! She seems horrible! I'm so sorry that happened. From what you shared, it seems like she was jealous for some reason. Probably because she wanted the attention on her and not you. Therefore, it resulted in her acting the way that she did. I hope she is not longer causing anymore problems in your life whether she changed, or is just not longer a part of it.

My name is kayla. I made this account for my best friend deanna. She was the MOH in my wedding. She didn’t show up to much when I needed help, missed the rehearsal dinner, and then flat out left the morning of the wedding while the photographer was taking photos without telling me. Then she gave a god awful speech! But if it’s one thing I’ve learned it’s that one day should not ruin a friendship! I am now her MOH and I am happy for her! Things happen on your wedding day. Bridesmaids do silly things. Just think hard before you let go of a friend.

View Quoted Comment You are a very good and forgiving friend. I hope she at least realizes as she's planning her own wedding the error of her ways.

No stories here!! 😆 We selected not to have a bridal party because we want our family and friends to relax and enjoy the wedding, ALL as VIP special guests. However, I have also been seeing a plethora of venting posts about bridesmaids. Personally, whenever I see those posts, I SMH and question the true depth, respect and maturity of those “friendships”. This is a second marriage for both FH and I. So my same closest circle of friends who will be attending this wedding were the bridesmaids at my first wedding. There were zero issues.... we were close as ever before and we are still close as ever now! So it’s really odd to me when I read those bridesmaid posts.

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Thanks Heather! In retrospect, our friendship was very one-sided despite its long duration. She has always had a victim mentality and I guess it's a form of attention-seeking. I would always listen and comfort her but it never happened the other way because she would dismiss my troubles as not important or not tragic enough. She also used to always joke that we would be spinsters forever together because we were very very unpopular since primary school and all the way to college. But I never imagined that she could actually be anything but happy for me when I got married. I feel very sorry for her, because it seems her insecurities is preventing her from finding true happiness.

Luckily I was not at all affected by her behavior on the actual wedding day, I was just so so happy. It was only afterwards that I thought about what happened and slowly understood why she had cut ties with me (there are other clues that I've left out as to keep the post a reasonable length). But yes in a way I'm happy that I'm out of this "friendship" which is the longest I've had but also the most toxic.

Also to the user above me who doesn't get why people can have friends who subsequently become bridesmaidzillas... it's more common than you might think for people to get into toxic relationships without realizing it, even if it's clear to those around them. Or even if they realise the relationship might be toxic, to justify the other person's actions or to be reluctant to let go of a very long friendship. A wedding is also a large event that often requires favors (even if they are small, like allowing your makeup to be done, attending a party, or turning up on time). It might be the first time or one of the first times the bride in this situation has ever asked a favor of the friend who is a bridesmaid. And might be the catalyst for the bride to re-evaluate their friendship with the person. So it's not a surprise to me at all that brides find that friends they previously thought were close, turn into bridesmaidzillas.

View Quoted Comment I think she does but if it’s one thing I’ve learned it’s that you really do put so much work into “one day” yes it’s your day! Yes it’s an important day! But at the same time, I had been best friends with her for over 10 years. To me it’s not worth losing a friendship. Be prepared for hiccups along the way. And drama and stress! And after the “one day” you sit and reflect. Was this all worth it? I mean of course the marriage part was. I love my husband! But was the money I spent worth it? Was the drama worth it? Bc you paint a picture of how you envision your day, but it’s never exactly how you picture it. So just have fun and live life to the fullest. Life is too short to get mad at someone over a wedding. But that’s just my opinion. Best wishes to you on your special day! 😊

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She behaved poorly, sure! But I'm with her on this:

"She refused to have her make up done by a professional even though I was paying for it, claiming that no one but her knew how to do her own make up. (This was before COVID so not hygiene related. I asked if she would be more comfortable if we used her make up instead of the make up artist's. But she said, no it's not that, she just doesn't want anyone else doing her make up.)"

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I have no problem with bridesmaids doing their own make up. It's the sentence before the chunk you quoted "She threatened not to come to the wedding once unless we did things her way." That's how she began her messages, saying she didn't feel like coming to the wedding unless this and that. The way she phrased the messages and how she was pushing for things very close to the wedding date (less than a month out) was the concerning part. And also concerning since we've already agreed on what we were going to do, when we've already bought the dress, shoes, and done the adjustments for her dress. She got to do her own makeup, that was no problem for us anyway.

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Tracey,
I'm glad that you still enjoyed your special day, and that you no longer associate with her. I'm sorry that it had to end the way that it did since was one of your longest friendships.

This has been the most stressful part of my wedding. It's on May 1st, postponed from April 18 last year. My bridesmaids dresses don't fit anymore, none of them told me about it, instead they decided to buy different dresses of their choice and then tell me at my Bachelorette when I can't do anything about it. One of them felt bad yesterday and informed me by pretending that it was just a thought and pretended to ask for my opinion then I found the scope of it all because my younger brother was on their text group. They planned it a month ago and purposely didn't want to get the dress they already bought tailored because they wanted to choose something they liked and just tell me after getting me drunk at my Bachelorette.
They tried to gaslight me by saying I'm being ridiculous and pretending they did nothing wrong. When I confronted them with their own texts, they doubled down instead of apologizing. One of them is my sister in law and she has dropped out of the bridal party and has been uninvited to the wedding by my husband. So I have no idea what they're wearing or how it's going to go now.

View Quoted Comment That is truly awful! I cannot believe they ALL did that behind your back!! I am so sorry.