Broken Engagement - Help :(

So sorry! Guessing mostly everything has been paid for. I would suggest to start notifying guests (especially those that are from out of town) if it was me, since you paid for venue etc, if you can't get your money back, throw a huge party!

I can't imagine what you are feeling now

Sorry you have to go through this. Therapy if he wants to work on it or space if he doesn't. If he doesn't you have to accept that it might be over. Good luck. Val has a good idea about the party.

I'm so sorry you are going through this.

Ive tried to get him to go to counseling, hes been in a state of depression for about 2 years, ever since he moved away from home for his job, in which I left to be without him, without a job. I do agree it came up now, but its just so sudden. His depression has affected me, as he is not emotionally available sometimes, and lacks intimacy, which was really concerning me.

When he was talking to me he said he missed home, I offered to move back to Pittsburgh with him, go to counseling/couples therapy anything...and he was just stone cold and said no...

Ive notified everyone and plan on going on my own mini honeymoon the wedding weekend

I'm so sorry you are going through something so awful. Like O&S said, its hard to comment without really knowing you or your ex-fiancée, and I don't wish to speak out of turn but perhaps it wasn't meant to be... I'm sure that's not what you want to hear and may not seem helpful at a time like this but, once the dust settle and your heart heals (which will take a while), perhaps you will see that you can be happier. You can find someone who will support you through the tough times, who will always makes you feel special and loved, who will always show you affection, and who won't give up when things get difficult.

I'm no expert but everyone will tell you that marriage is hard, and if he's not willing to work on on this now, then he's probably not ready to work on a life long commitment.

Again, I'm sorry

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I hope your friends and family are able to provide some comfort and support.

I'm with O &S on this one. 7 weeks to go and just now he is voicing the concern. If he doesn't want to work on it sadly it just won't work. It is pretty crappy though, 4 years and he doesn't even want to try. I would sit down with him and ask why he thinks it would end in divorce. Even if you all figure it out and it gets fixed I would postpone the wedding for a bit. This is suppose to be the happiest times of your life not the saddest. I'm so sorry this has happened to you!

I'm sorry that it took him so long to realize that marriage wasn't for him. I agree with O&S. It's better you found out now then later. As much as it hurts, you have to move on. Anyone who wants to be with you will try everything to safe the relationship and do whatever it takes to work it out. Focus on you & getting yourself back together and mending your broken heart. You deserve better, and the right man will come along. Good luck to you and I'm so sorry you're in pain.

I'm sorry you're going through this. I'm not normally a big advocate of counseling, but this is such a traumatic event, I'd highly recommend that you speak to someone, even if he won't go. You need to be able to move on.

Sending hugs!!!! You may not believe it right now,but in time you will see this as a blessing in disguise. And the RIGHT one will come along and erase all the pain your going through...i can say this because I experienced it...only difference is I somehow convinced him to go through with the wedding...only to have 5 years of misery, drama, and him constantly telling me how unhappy he was...the day of our divorce was the best day ....and now 10 years later I'm planning my wedding with my true love...one who communicates, loves, and good or bad, is honest and open with me...have faith, it WILL get better hun..stay strong!

Thank you all for the comments

In regards to the divorce; I had gotten some cold feet a while back when i read an article written by a guy who was recently divorced, it was the 10 things he wished he had done differently/or what ruined his marriage...my ex did almost all of these..i told him how the communication was affecting me and that we needed to look at this and really work on it, I was worried! I by no means was trying to tell him I wanted to get a divorce, but i felt like there were things we needed to work on BEFORE our marriage, but he didnt want to

Huuugs...I'm so sorry for what has been happening...I don't know the full story so I can't give you the advice that you may need right now. I'm not even sure if you are asking what you can do to convince him or if you are accept that your relationship is over.

You say that he has cold feet -- that he is afraid that you'd divorce him down the road. Is there something you have done or said that made him feel this way? Do you think his mother has a role in the pressure and depression he is having? Maybe his best man should talk to him?

Or do you really think he just doesn't want to be married anymore or be in a relationship period? Maybe he has a lot of his own issues that he is dealing with.

Either way, if he is unsure of getting married...I don't think it's the best thing to convince him to marry you. As Janis said above of her experience. Don't put yourself in a situation that might be harder in the long run if you have to convince someone to marry you. Don't worry about the planning and the money spent already -- in the long run, that is nothing compared to what would happen if you force him to get married and he isn't ready.

Best of luck to you...keep your head up!

I had mentioned before that it concerned me the distance he had from me, wasn't communicating, wasnt affectionate, and this was for months. I have told my mom i didnt understand for quite a while, sometimes I would ask him a question; and he wouldnt even respond. hes very much so an introvert, and im the exact opposite, I will talk to a wall!!

He said this decision had nothing to do with me, it is all him, he doesnt want to be married in general.

When I was younger my bf of 5.5 years broke up with me, I was expecting an engagement ring. Anyway long story short it was for the best, yes it HURT a LOT and I was devastated. I had moved away from my family for him and I thought we had a good relationship.

It's been about 5 years since then and I can honestly tell you it was worth all the heartache. He really wasn't the guy for me. Now I have found a guy who really loves me for me and who supports me and talks about things and understands.

If you really can't work through this with your fiance, I know you will be ok in the end and find someone really worth your love.

There is no quick fix for the phase you're in right now. If it's over, you'll have to give your heart time to break the intimate ties that have bound you together for four years. That's a painful process and you will find yourself assaulted with good memories that may trick you into believing that you should work on reconnecting with him (hint -- turn off sappy break-up songs if they come on the radio -- it sounds silly, but you're vulnerable right now). Your head will tell you what to do -- don't override that voice. From what you've described, he has been in a state of depression for two years and you believe that stems from moving away from his home. If he doesn't adjust well to change, he's going to hit a lot of road blocks because life IS change. Marriage is change. Children are change. Buying a home is change. Job promotions are change. The root of the problem is that he is not seeking help. Eventually, his depression will become something you resent, and that's an ugly environment in which to live. A true red flag, and in your case it's been waved, is a man who defends his mother over his wife or future wife. You deserve more.

I know it's hard to conceptualize right now, but there is a person out there at this very moment who will eventually fill your heart and life with unconditional and shared loved. When you find him, you will be so thankful that you didn't make the wrong commitment to the wrong man.

I am sorry your heart is hurting!

I'm so sorry. Maybe it good that he said it now & not leave you at the alter. Some men are jerks. I know you still love him, just remember after the rain comes flowers. In the meantime, try to stay busy cancelling your vendors & trying to get back what refunds you can. I don't want to sound bitter, do you still have your e-ring? If so, keep it and hold on to get until you are ready to do what's needed. HUG

It's horrible and painful but there are two people in every marriage, and they both have to be fully there.

Don't look backward; look ahead. Be pragmatic about the things you have to do next, and that motion will carry you through. And yes, you will meet the person who is the best for you; not perfect, but willing to try, which is key.

I'm so sorry. Just know that you will be ok. Be sure to take the time to take care of yourself. Do the things that uplift you and inspire you to grow.

Sorry to hear your story It's really hard to be around people who have depression and I admire you for trying your best to work through things with him, but you can't fix a relationship where one of the party members refuses to work on things. Even in the healthiest of relationships both people have to be willing to make things better constantly.

Eventually you'll move on, and I know it'll be tough, but like others have said you'll find the guy who'd kill to be with you. Enjoy your vacation as much as you can. Maybe take it as time to do some yoga/mediation and think about who YOU are as an individual and all of the amazing things that you are and you can become, with or without your ex.