Broken Family

When I broke contact with my mother, I basically told my father that I would stay in contact with him if and only if he was willing to do so independently of my mother. That meant that he was not there for my second wedding. But it was his choice, not my decision.

You might consider doing something similar. Don't trick your dad. But you can tell him that you won't have her there, and that it is his choice whether to come without her or not at all.

You have my best wishes. Dealing with a toxic family is hard. I wrote in my journal when I was 19 that not only did my mother not like me, she didn't like any women my age, so there was no hope of that changing. It still took me until I was 41 to totally break off with her, in part due to fears about losing the rest of my family. So go easy on yourself if that courage is hard to find.

My heart does go out to you. My biological mother is also a very toxic person, but she and my dad divorced decades ago so I am lucky enough to have him and my step-mom there for me without letting bio mom know I'm even getting married. I agree with PP telling him that you want a relationship with him separate from her. It may not be easy for him, or you in some ways, but setting those boundaries now will be better for all of you as time goes on. Will your sister be able to attend on her own if your father decides to stand by his wife?

I just want to throw out there that, once you give dad the wedding details, there's no promise that mom wont find out about them (even if he doesn't mean for her to) and decide she's going to try to come anyway. If I were you, I'd consider hiring security for the day of, so that if she shows, she can be removed with minimal issue. I'm so sorry you have to deal with this

You should be able to buy a ticket in her name but if she's under 18 she will have to tell her parents she's going out of town.

Hi, I do not know what to say... I just wanted to tell you I hope that you have a wonderful day! even if she does end up coming, just focus on you and your love

Oh wow I'm in the exact same situation, except with my dad and step-mom. I don't have much of a relationship with my dad, but he's a good man. I'd like to have him at my wedding, but he would never come without my step-mom who I don't like as a person. I will likely extend an invite to both of them, but I don't expect that they will come.