Brother and Sister of Groom Not Coming

I'm sorry that they declined being in the wedding party or even attending the wedding. That is odd since there isn't any issue that you know of. However, the gift boxes are just that....a gift. It is rude to ask for a gift back.

I wouldn't ask for the gift boxes back. If the boxes were a conditional gift depending on whether they said yes, it might have been a better idea if you waited until after you asked them before you gave them the boxes. That's strange that they declined the way they did. You could respond to let them know that you're sorry to hear that they won't be able to attend, and that if their plans change later on, you'd love for them to attend. I'm sorry to hear that they declined!

View Quoted Comment I agree, while I understand why you would want to ask for the boxes back, it would be rude and tacky to ask for the gift back and would probably create bad blood. It's the price of giving gifts before people agree to being in the wedding.

I also don't think you should ask for the gift back.

Is this your brother and sister-in-law? If this is your fiancé's sister, why is his brother speaking on behalf of them both? (Assuming they're both adult people).

It seems very odd that they would respond this way unless there is more to the story. Normally siblings are upset if they aren't asked to be a part of the bridal party. While I'm sure you guys are surprised and hurt by their response, I wouldn't ask for the gift back.

Don't ask for the gift boxes back.

It seems incredibly rude to not attend a sibling's wedding without any explanation. People on here will say no one is owed an explanation for declining an invitation but I feel like if there is someone the couple would have a reasonable reason to expect to be there or who is particularly close, some sort of rationale is warranted. The brother should understand that declining his own brother's wedding invitation without an explanation is likely to cause a rift in the relationship.

Sorry this is happening to you and your FH.

Do not ask for the gift boxes back. I agree this sounds like there may be more going on. Or are they possibly going through a hard time? Maybe try to ask and see how they are rather than reaching out about the wedding.

Asking for the boxes back seems kind of petty and might make the situation even worse. That was an optional gift that you choose to give. I'd focus on figuring out why they can't attend, and if there is some underlying issue that you aren't aware of so you can resolve before the wedding. Good luck!

I agree with everyone else that nothing good can come from asking for those gifts back (and a note to anyone planning a wedding: don't ask *with* a gift; give the gift as a thank you for saying yes). But also, since the people in question are your future spouse's siblings, I would let FS handle all communication about this.

I am sorry they backed out, but the gift boxes were just that, a gift. Gifts don't come with obligations or expectations. This is why I am not a fan of the proposal boxes, but they are cute ideas.

They may not be ready to give an explanation. They will give one when they are ready.

View Quoted Comment Agree 100% . Hopefully this is a warning that proposal boxes aren’t always viewed in the same positive light you may see them in. Do not ask for them back. Do not press anyone for more details because that is up to them to decide what and when to tell you. If you do, you may cause a rift that wasn’t there before.


Please don’t give a gift as a thank you for saying yes. Wait until after the wedding when everything is wrapped up to give them a big thank you gift according to their personal interests.

View Quoted Comment Agree completely. Encourage fh to reach out to them with care and concern. Maybe it's cobid related and they are not going to large events...maybe it's financial or relationship issues nothing g that had anything to do with either of you. Approach them with grace until they tell you otherwise. That way they don't automatically bow up If like they might if fh calls and says "what the hell your not coming"

Don't ask for the gifts back. I would suggest focusing on the relationship and trying to get to the bottom of why they're not planning on coming to the wedding. Are you having a destination wedding?

Hi everyone. Thank you for the advice. I figured it'd be easier to respond in one message than each individually.


This is my FH brother and sister. All we know is that his brother said they are not coming because he knows for a fact he will get into a fight. A fight with who we aren't sure and he won't tell us more. My FH parents are divorced and have been since he was young. His mom and stepdad also divorced 4 years but do not know what caused the divorce as no one will tell us.
When we ask his mom starts to throw the blame onto him which makes him upset because he hasn't done anything to warrant this kind of reaction.
We try to check in with them at least once a month to see how everyone is doing but I can't say it is reciprocated for my FH. He is from DE but decided to stayed in PA after college. The wedding is being held in PA.

Sounds like there is a lot of dysfunction in the family. First, don't ask for the boxes back. And second, this is just one of those things you have to let go. His brother and sister (I don't get why the brother gets to answer for his sister, unless she is a minor that he has guardianship of) are choosing to cut off communication. It's hurtful, I know.

I am guessing that your FH has SOME idea of the issue - even if it's not this particular one, family stuff like this doesn't just happen over night.

I also would look on the bright side - someone who apparently can't control himself won't come to your wedding and get violent, right? If he know already he'll start a fight, good riddance!

There is no need proposal boxes to begin with, in part because of the pressure they place on all involved.
But now that you have given them, never ask f9r the4 Bach.

Above, sorry, puppies. Accept whatever reason given or none at all. It is niçe when siblings make it to your wedding, but they miss due to illness, surgery, lack of time off work, or a previous engagement, all the time. It is not a crisis or a tragedy. Tell them you are sorry, and had hoped they would come. That is it. Leave it up to the guests
To tell you, or not. Just leave it alone.

View Quoted Comment I agree giving purposal gifts seems really nice however it causes a lot of pressure on the people who are asked. When you give them a wine tumbler with their name on it for example they feel like they have to say yes even when they don't have any interest in being in the wedding. Then because they have no interest in being in the wedding and only said yes because of the nice gift you the bride ends up on here complaining about how they are unsupportive and in a sense useless adding additional stress. Or you can end up with the person excepting the gift and telling you no and you can't ask for the gift back. My friend at work her cousin asked her to be in her wedding with a gift and she doesn't want to be in the wedding but feels obligated because of the gift.

Hello,

I'm sorry that they do not want to be part of the wedding and don't want to come to the wedding at all. I do find it a bit unusual that no explanation was provided. Typically brothers and sisters would be more than happy to be part of their sibling's wedding (unless there's some sort of bad blood- maybe there is some that you aren't aware of) Perhaps they are both going through some sort of personal/internal battle you are not aware of? I personally would not ask for the gifts back- as they were just that "gifts".

Good luck to you