Brother announced his engagement 12 days before my wedding

Am I wrong for being upset is my question..

Wellllll. You get one day. I feel like they're not infringing on your joy.

Hi ! It would be worse if he did it on your wedding day I guess ;-) I do understand what you feel... but hopefully your brother is smart enough to put all the attention on you on THE day !

View Quoted Comment My mother informed me It was previously discussed (between my brother, herself, and my dad) that they would wait as to not put a shadow on my day since no one will be seeing each other next until my event. Then they changed their mind? How am I supposed to take that. That is what’s upsetting me I guess. Here I am considering when to get pregnant as to not interfere with their wedding in February —6 months away (my mom told me what month they were thinking also) and they can’t consider me in a two week time frame. Sorry just need to vent a little.

Did your brother actually agree with your mother about waiting or is that just what your mother told him to do? If it were me, and my mom told me I had to wait for a big event in my life so I didn’t overshadow my sister I’d think that was a ridiculous request and I’d probably do what I wanted anyway. They’re entitled to get engaged whenever they want and people can be happy for both of you at the same time. There’s no cap on joyous occasions in a family.


You say you’re basing when you get pregnant off their wedding, but why? Did they ask you to do that or is that something you’re choosing? If getting pregnant right away is something you want, I wouldn’t wait just for them.

You are definitely over reacting. You get one day not the whole year. People are allowed to move forward with their own lives however they please. You can't expect people to put their lives on hold because you are getting married. Yea I'm sure people will congratulate them at the wedding however it will not become an engagement party for them. People will congratulate them and move on. I got engaged a couple of days before my cousins wedding and yes people congratulated us but even still the day was still all about the bride and groom.

You're not wrong for feeling that way, however I don't see how his engagement would have any impact on your upcoming wedding, the day is still about you & your partner. Even if they're congratulating him at the wedding, why would they do anything to you? I wouldn't worry about it, you & your partner I'll still be the center of attention

They're excited and probably couldn't wait to share the news. Could you have waited two weeks to tell people you were engaged? It in no way infringes on your day so just enjoy your day and the fact that your family has so much to celebrate.

This will not affect your wedding and you should be happy for them. I got engaged a month before my cousin's wedding, but the big day was very clearly still about the bride and groom. People may say congratulations to them and make small talk during the reception but it's not going to overshadow you.

People can be happy for two couples simultaneously. I don't think this will impact your wedding day. Yes, people may congratulate them on their engagement. That doesn't mean they're not going to be excited for your wedding and congratulating you.

Some people are so unecessarily mean in their comments. OP already recognized that she’s trying not to be upset, that she is probably overreacting, and she apologized for venting.


But yeah, to answer your question without being rude: yes, you are overreacting. They will not overshadow you on your big day. Your guests and family can be happy for both you and your brother, and people are still there to celebrate you!

If they got engaged 6 months before your wedding and people at the wedding hadn’t seen them since people would still congratulate them. At weddings people do talk to people they haven’t seen in a while and catch up. However this doesn’t take away from the bride and groom. As others said you get one day. Them announcing they are engaged 12 days before your wedding has nothing to do with you and won’t impact your wedding.

I think at most family gathering settings people will be talking about so much and catching up it’s natural to address other big moments in people’s life. Whether an engagement or death. It’s still your day! I do think you are overreacting but I get it.

View Quoted Comment I totally agree!

View Quoted Comment It would have been totally unnecessary to put off a pregnancy for any length of time, or talking about it. I think you have an exagerated sense of how much time people spend thinking of you and your family. Honestly, the day of your wedding, half the guests will be talking cars or spcial clothes as much or more than your wedding or her upcoming one. Worrying. Too much.

View Quoted Comment I agree with this. If you wanted to get pregnant before your brothers wedding, that would be perfectly acceptable. Your brother doesn't get a whole year dedicated to him and his wedding either. He gets one day as well. Idk me personally I will never understand a brides need to hog all the attention in the year they are planning their wedding. Maybe I was brought up different. My brother asked me if he could propose at my wedding, here I'd hand his girlfriend the bouquet when I go to toss it and he get down on one knee and propose. I was thrilled and happy for my brother. I was so excited to help him plan the next milestone in his life. And the fact that he will easily have her reaction caught on camera. I just love it. I have no problems sharing the spotlight with him and his girlfriend.

You’re completely overreacting. Good for them. Yes people will be happy for them at your wedding. Why does that bother you? They’re there to celebrate you and will be just as excited for you as before.

View Quoted Comment Yes, I would have waited. Especially if we bought the ring together and already agreed to announce after.

In the other end of this, my fiance proposed to me a week before his sisters wedding. He wanted to so it before I traveled to meet all of his family who were going to be at his sisters wedding. The day was still all about the celebrating bride and groom even though people were congratulating us too.

I spent over well over 50k on my wedding so that my brother can utilize the atmosphere as an engagement party for himself and his fiancé. So I’m sorry I don’t feel that is appropriate and I would as I said be considerate of time frame on my own future pregnancy as to not announce anywhere close to their event (like they did 12 days prior to mine). We were raised in our culture to give people their moment in our family and I agree I don’t get a full year of course not— but I am hurt that they CHOSE to share their news so closely to my event knowing that the next time anyone is together is at our event. It was stated that it would be announced after multiple times. Calling my feelings “childish” is not necessary. I’m trying to be considerate of others if the roles were reversed. I am trying to consider other great news of my own in the future and let people have their moments in life. I think that’s quite adult and mature. Some people are just cut from different cloths obviously.