Brother in law wont let my sister come to my wedding

Wow I'm so sorry. I actually feel afraid for your sister if he's like that. He is more than likely mentally abusing her if he's talking to you this way. NO way in hell should you ever go back to someone who was abusive. They don't change. You found a good decent man now who will treat you right. Don't let your crazy BIL ruin the day you get to find happiness.

Your BIL isn't a Christian. No Christian would condone how your ex treated you, nor believe that you should subject yourself and your children to more abuse.

View Quoted Comment

In my opinion it is just one fine example why people don't like Christians or Christianity and honestly people like this is why a lot of people are turned off from it. A holier than though and religious attitude. And I have pondered it all night and in the end I am not going to let it run my life and sadden me.

When FH and I got together my sister and brother in law told his family I was not abused. (LIED) and said ti was not true. At least in the letters they admitted they knew and saw I was, so I can at least show my F sister in law them.

Thank you for the uplifting words. I knew my FH since we were kids and we dated in high school. I knew back then we were suppose to get married, but as he went away for college while I was still in high school we parted ways and I met my ex husband. I wish I could change the mistake I made at 16 which was dating someone who didn't share my lifestyle choices or beliefs. But I shouldn't have to "suffer" for those for the rest of my life.

View Quoted Comment

He has definitely brain washed her. I have a hard time believing she can be controlled, I think she is genuinely accepting his form of religion, which is too bad, And yes!!! Honestly, my FH and I have such a healthy relationship. He did not and will not take the letters seriously. Those 2 have caused a lot of hurt to me and damage and their opinions have never mattered to them. He is bad crazy.

Have you tried talking to your sister to see if she know he even did that?! I’ll have a talk with her, I would not go back to someone so terrible! I know it hurt but if your sister is not supportive of your decision then the show must go on. Your living for not only you but your kids. Make them proud to see mommy so strong and happy...wish you best of luck and congratulations 🎊🎉🎈🍾

I'm so sorry. Leaving an abuser is hard and it's great you got out. Have you tried talking to your sister?

View Quoted Comment

It is VERY hard. Especially when you leave being a stay at home mom and have no idea how you will support your family. And yes I have at some points. She has said again and again that they aren't coming.

View Quoted Comment Yes. That is how I feel. He seems to be controlling your sister by using God. Then wants you to go back in a bad relationship by using God.

Most importantly, you are very strong and courageous for having gotten out of an abusive marriage. After all you’ve been through, now your BIL and sister (seems like she is at the very least, enabling BILs behavoior and at worst, a co-conspirator) want to abuse you emotionally. I can only imagine how incredibly hurtful this situation is. This is a time where you will once again have to dig deep into your inner strength and cut BIL out of your life. As for your sister, keep an open communication with her, reinforce that you will always be there for her no matter what. However, be firm that you will not tolerate any talk against your marriage or any conversation about your ex-husband, period. That book is closed.

Congratulations on in your marriage, your strength, and for having the bravery to find love in your life.

Wow, I am so sorry!

I'm Christian too, and I believe people who claim they are Christian and judge others for their choices and encourage them BACK into harmful situations like that aren't being true Christians. My God doesn't judge you for removing yourself and your children from an abusive and harmful relationship.

I know it hurts, but I would move on and enjoy your day. Maybe your sister will defy him and come, or at least tell him he's being completely unfair. If not, don't dwell on it. You'll be surrounded by people who love and support you, and that's what you need, not a letter saying you're going to hell.

Your day will still be amazing and wonderful and full of joy! Good luck and congratulations!

I wish I could give you a big hug. I am so proud of you for getting out of that situation and for allowing your heart to heal and being open to love again. That is a VERY hard thing to do after abuse. You should be so proud of yourself. It can also be very hard to trust in religion/the church again after abusive situations.

I love Jesus with all of my heart and I would never condone an abusive relationship in anyway. Your BIL is in the wrong and using his religion as a crutch. 6 pages? He is putting way too much time into something that is none of his business. He sounds abusive and controlling and all around nuts. No one could keep my from my sister’s wedding. If my husband “told” me not to go, I’d tell him to take a hike and help him out the door. I’m so sorry you’re in this situation. I hope for your sake that your sister will be able to attend, but I also hope that your sister is safe .

I don't have any words to say other than I'm proud of you for leaving that relationship and of course your actions are more than justified.


Honestly, the 'holier than thou' attitude is the reason I am now an atheist. You have one life to live, and you don't deserve to be miserable for that life at all. To me, things happen, people change etc and there is no issue with divorce. But then again, I would never in a million years tell anyone else how to live their life because it is not mine to live. The 'well that choice is against my religion therefore you can't do it' attitude infuriates me to the next level. And this has turned me off from religion completely. You do YOU girl. You made the right choice. I do wish your sister good luck, as she is clearly blind to her own abuser.

God does not want anyone to be in a abusive relationship. Your divorce is justified and God understands that you did everything you could to make it work and only left for the kids and your safety. You will not change his mind and don't try. I believe that God knows what I have tried to do and why I left both marriages. The only person who can judge me is God. Please remind your brother in law that the bible states that thou shall not judge. As for your sister she is caught in the middle. I am sure she is going thru hell right now as she wants to stand by her husband and she wants to be there for you. She doesn't want to disappoint or upset either and I am sure that she doesn't know what to do. Please do not be upset with her if she doesn't come as she has to live with this man. Just know that your sister loves you. I would talk to both your BIL and your sister before the wedding to try to clear the air and see if perhaps you can reach a compromise.

I’m so sorry you have to deal with this terrible situation. Know that you were right to leave an abusive relationship, and I don’t believe any God would hold that against you nor should any person, especially your family. You deserve to be happy. It’s not right for your BIL to say hurtful things to you and your FH or to not allow your own sister to attend your wedding. If you can, try to talk to you sister and let her know that you want her at the wedding. Just because her husband says she can’t go, doesn’t mean she doesn’t want to be there. No one should control their spouse like that.
I hope things work out for you. I’m sure your wedding will be beautiful. Wishing you the best of luck.

I am so so sorry. Honestly, if your BIL is "not allowing" your sister to come to your wedding, he sounds abusive as well, even if not physically.

View Quoted Comment

Wow - I am sorry he was a passive aggressive jerk and dropped off a letter rather than come ot the door and tell you himself. It does not matter if you were just unhappy in your marriage - why it ended is no one's concern and none of his business.

Keep your communications open with your sister, perhaps she will show up alone.

Other than that I am really sorry he dropped off this pile of doo-doo right before your wedding.

Oh Angel, I am so sorry to hear your sister won't be attending your wedding. With two days notice, that is just heartbreaking. You are a strong woman, and I am so glad that you aren't giving those letters a second thought. You made the correct decision when you walked away from your abuser and found an amazing FH to spend the rest of your life with. All I can say is to be there for your sister. It sounds like one day she might need your support to also leave an abusive relationship. Your BIL may not be physically abusive, but this sounds like emotional abuse to me. I can't imagine anyone thinking that returning you your ex abuser would be the best course of action for you or your kids. Have a beautiful wedding!

This hurts my heart for you! You are 100% bettering yourself by marrying someone that treats you right, that loves you and shows you everything you deserve that you missed from your first. I actually feel sorry for your BIL that he thinks it is, 1. appropriate to send you letters so short before your big day, especially after supporting you up until now, and 2. that he would EVER try to keep your own sister away from you. I really hope that your sister stands up for herself and attends your wedding. I don't have much advice, and I know that this is something you should not have to deal with for your big day, but try to bask in the glory of how beautiful and amazing your wedding day will be with your soon to be husband!

Best of luck to you!

I'm so sorry that you are dealing with this and my heart goes out to you. *Hugs*

Sorry in advance for the long response/rant, but this one got me HOT under the collar. This is just MY opinion, but I felt "called upon to say something👐"...its the southern in me LOL. Hopefully the humor will make you smile.

First of all, as a Christian I think your brother-in-law [BIL] appears to be having an identity crisis, and apparently thinks HE is God!!!! And might I add, if God is omnipotent [alpha-omega yata-yata], then what does YOU going back to your EX have to do with God "healing" your Ex?? To stipulate that God's power is contingent on you is a bit blasphemous dont ya think? ⚡And then there is that little matter of Free Will- which you Ex apparently doesn't have according to your BIL's reasoning... which is SO ironic given that he exemplified plentiful Free Will in his prior toxic behavior. So, Why are you responsible for his salvation/destiny/behavior? Answer: You're NOT! And, Why is God's "healing him" contingent on you? Spoiler Alert: It's NOT.😵Shocking...I know.

Frankly, "thou shall have no other gods before me" made the top 10📜, and "no other gods" includes BIL and his own self-righteousness😇. And might I add, "thou shall not divorce an abusive/toxic spouse who failed to love his wife as Christ loved the church, in order to protect yourself and your kids" didn't make the cut, neither did "thou shall not pursue the happiness and gifts God gives you". Sorry, not sorry.

I'm surprised he didn't go ahead and dip the letters in snake oil and call it a day🐍. In my opinion, his behavior was intentional, self-serving, and was meant to be shaming, hurtful, and to interfere with your happiness, in an attempt to assert his own "unreplacebility". It was not what I would consider to be "Christian behavior ❌". There's that whole "judge not" thing he seems to have missed.🤦‍♀️

Remember "what God has brought together let NO MAN [even BIL☣] put asunder". 🚧Don't let it or him take away from the love and happiness you have been given, not even for one hot minute❗.

🙈🙊🙉"Faith, hope and love are the gifts that He [the real God, not BIL] gave us, and the greatest is love". 😍

Bluntly, BIL can put those letters back in his Bible, and "Bible Thump" them all the way back down the low road and "Go tell it on another mountain"🗻, cause you, my dear, are on the high road! **DROP MIC 🎤.**🎚

But, in all seriousness, I am sorry about your sister, I know that has to hurt. I wish you and your family all the best! Don't let this take anything from you. You deserve better, and it sounds like God has put "better"in your path. May God Bless You and Yours!!💕✝