Budget as a guest

I have never heard that, and think its ridiculous. If i invite you to my wedding, I could care less if you give me anything. I just want to celebrate with you!

View Quoted Comment I agree completely!

I’ve gone to weddings where I honestly couldn’t afford to get them a gift. So I write them a lovely card of how happy I am for them and the moments we had together. If someone did that for my wedding that would be enough…It is certainly narcissistic to not invite someone that you obviously care about because of that

As a person planning a wedding, I would be very happy with a card with a beautiful sentiment - having money in it is a bonus to me.

That said, as a guest, I would feel extremely uncomfortable attending a wedding without a decent amount of cash in the card I gave. It's the same as wearing a predominantly white dress with say, a floral pattern - if it's obviously not a wedding gown I wouldn't be offended, but I, personally, would never wear that, just in case.

I am also very cognizant of my privilege in having never been in a position where I've had to make a decision to attend or not attend a wedding based on my finances, but I think I would simply give what I could afford, if I found myself in that situation.

I've seen you mention this issue more than once and I have to assume it's something that really bothers you - I think at the end of the day people are going to do what they're going to do, and as a bride you have to remember that people have very different ideas on what is appropriate or acceptable based on how they were raised and all sorts of other things, plus everyone's finances and priorities are different - when push comes to shove, it's not ok to take offence to not being given a gift.

I must admit I'm curious to hear what you think about a situation that seems more and more common, according to my recently-married friends though - no gift, no money (totally fine) but also... NO CARD. I personally think this is insanely rude - attendance shouldn't be based on your ability to give a gift, but writing a brief note or buying a cheap card seems like the absolute barest minimum bar for people to clear.

Even though gifts are not required, you cand find on this forum some threads where the poster is complaining about the fews gifts they received or because not everyone gave an item or money.
Seems like it's still expected in many regions and social circles, not by the elders only.
Inviting or not inviting people because of gifts is more common than you think. I mean:when you invite, say, 300, I would bet an arm that there are many of them that neither the groom nor the bride is close to nor sees on the regular.

I was raised in a household in which if you were invited somewhere as a guest you do not go empty handed - whether it be bringing a box of chocolates to drinks at a friend's place, or a plate of food to a barbeque, or a gift at a wedding.

In my culture we are big on giving monetary gifts and we will generally try and 'cover our plate' when we attend weddings so as to offset the couple's cost of inviting us. And with that in mind, no, I would not myself go to a wedding if I couldn't afford to give a reasonable gift.

I would hope that my family and close friends would want me in attendance vs what I can afford out of my wallet. I've been the person who can only attend local weddings (because I couldn't afford to travel) and bring a card with $20 just to be told it wasn't enough. Or that I am an awful friend because I couldn't fly across the country to attend a wedding and didn't send them a gift anyway.

Those who say don't attend if you cannot afford a gift give off vibes that poor people don't deserve to attend weddings because they think they just want to get drunk and have a free meal (maybe that's true in some cases). All I get a say in is whether or not I can go and my outfit. The couple choses to their budget, their food, their venue, and everything else in between.

Personally when my financial situation was tough I did not go to weddings but sent a gift instead. I have also given less than what my plate probably was because a fancy wedding is the couples choice but my gift was still more than other normal occasions. I would never consider showing up to a wedding with a tiny gift (under $50) or no gift. It’s like showing up to a friends house who is hosting thanksgiving without at least a dish and wine. Would I end a friendship over it? No. But I would think differently of them. If they couldn’t attend and didn’t send a gift I wouldn’t think as poorly of them because an invite isn’t a mandatory request for a gift

I would at least write someone a nice card even if i didn't have the budget for an actual gift

I think that is a silly sentiment and idea, to not go because your gift isn't expensive enough to "cover the cost of your plate". There's no way of knowing what that is. And even if you do, you don't have to get a gift that will somehow "cover" the cost of your dinner.

I went to a co-worker's wedding this past summer, and based on the venue, the catering, the flowers and all the extras (including a welcome dinner, an after party, and a thank you brunch) I know that my gift didn't even come close to the cost of me being a guest. And I'm including the fact that I stayed at the hotel for two nights! I still went and had a great time!

I would never expect anyone to only come because they gave a gift (whether that is a physical item or money). While I know there are some people who have the "you better get me a good gift" mentality, that just seems crazy to me. We're inviting the people we're inviting because we want them to be there to share in this day with us, not because I think I'll get something good out of them.

Personally, I think its tackier to expect, or be upset due to lack there of, a specific gift. I even saw one thing on a different site where someone put the dinner options based on the amount of money you spend on the gift (the more you spend on the gift, the better the meal you get).

Being able to "cover your plate" is not the etiquette -- I'm not sure why some people say that.

That said, if you're crafty or you have a special skill, maybe use that to inspire a gift. Paint a portrait, make them a scrapbook, personalize a cheese board, brew them some beer, etc.