Bummed about not having a Bachelorette Party

View Quoted Comment They don't OWE you a trip though. If you decide you want to go to vegas a year from now that's fine. Just don't expect that your friends will be able to just go because they aren't going this year. Also the fact that you'd be willing to cancel hair and makeup because they aren't going to Vegas suggests to me that you aren't going to see reason in anything people are commenting in here. I suggest lowering your expectations and remembering that just because you're getting married doesn't mean people owe you anything.

View Quoted Comment Le sigh…it’s obvious I’m not getting the proper responses that I wanted. And I think it’s a real shame that all you people who are either planning a wedding or happily married get to talk down to someone you do t know personally and say they don’t deserve or are owed something that would make them (me) happy. A little empathy and sympathy goes a long way, and trust me when I say that I have been more than understanding what my bridal party has been through but they don’t know due to lack of communication know what I’m truly going through. So, if I come across as a bridezilla expecting more than some do towards my girls, that shouldn’t crucify me when I’m already under enough stress from planning and dealing with family drama. And since no one on this forum knows me personally, I’ve been dealing with A LOT. So when I strived to have my bachelorette party the way I wanted it (there’s also nothing wrong with me putting input in that if someone else stepped up to plan it), I got it in my head that failure was not an option. Sure I have expectations (don’t all brides have some?) but once again, why should I settle for anything less? You wouldn’t settle for a fiancé or a venue or a dress if you knew deep down it wouldn’t make you happy in the end, right? And I obviously never did anything malicious such as making those girls pay for something like makeup and hair. Thoughts don’t always turn into actions.

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You are not getting the “proper responses” you wanted because people don’t agree with you. When you ask something in a public forum you need to be prepared that people are going to give their honest opinion. Because they do not agree with you doesn’t mean they are wrong.

View Quoted Comment Oh, I was aware of the risk of backlash from the start. And now my honest opinion once again would be that just because you all don’t agree with me doesn’t mean I’m wrong.

I give up on reason.

"Sure I have expectations (don’t all brides have some?) but once again, why should I settle for anything less? "

^^ Once you involve other people and their needs, your expectations aren't mandatory ^^

Also if you're requiring professional hair and makeup, you should be paying for it. It's not a "gift" or a favour for them to do so.

Once again, pre-wedding parties are planned by someone close to the wedding couple and are gifts to you, from them. You're treating this like something you're owed. No-one owes you anything.

That article you linked is written by the wedding industry to sell things. It is not accurate, and has lead to many situations here such as this.

Literally everyone is cautioning you against your point of view, because you're going to ruin your own joy with your sense of disappointment. We're trying to do you a favour.

I had to leave my bachelorette party early after I got a call that my dad was dying. I will for the rest of my life associate my bachelorette with the most traumatic moments of my life. Is that what I wanted or expected from my bachelorette? No. But things happen. Our expectations are not always met.


Being this upset over a missed opportunity to go to Vegas is extremely trivial. I hope this gives you some perspective.

I had to leave my bachelorette party early because I got a call that my dad was dying. I will for the rest of my life be reminded of grief when I think of my bachelorette. Is that what I wanted or expected from my bachelorette party? No. But things happen. Life doesn’t always go as expected.


Being this upset over a missed opportunity to go to Vegas is extremely trivial. I hope this gives you some perspective.

View Quoted Comment Well, then I hope all my bridesmaids will be very appreciative of the generosity of me buying them robes, custom hangers, jewelry, hair and makeup services on the wedding day. Because for me to be so kind to them after they were not going to be there for my now non-existent dream bachelorette party, they knew how badly I wanted to have one and they didn’t follow through. I honestly don’t care if majority of you didn’t have a bachelorette party big or small, or didn’t even care to have one in the first place. It was something I wanted, I don’t like that I won’t get to have one, and if I say that I feel “owed” to have one, then maybe if they are open to going on a girls trip in the future, then that will be great, and I’m sure they’d be up to it if I asked (I know them well enough more than you lot). Just because you all didn’t get put in the same situation as me means I’m in the wrong for wanting to try and make things right? That’s not to say the couple of girls who are trying to do something nice for me aren’t going to be treated with the utmost gratitude. Furthermore, how would you know who wrote that article and that they are trying to “sell things”? Like ideas? Are those ideas not accurate? Just like my idea to have the bachelorette party where I wanted? You must be such an expert, no wait, a champion? Finally, I can and will stand firmly behind my opinion, so we can agree to disagree. And my time of being disappointed in not having what I wanted passed about a month ago, but the closer it gets to the day it was supposed to happen, it makes me a little sad (because I was supposed to go with my fiancé too). No need to show any nastiness towards me. Also, this is just one bump on the road to marital bliss, but I’ve been pretty satisfied with everything else wedding related. You could also do me a favor and put yourself in my position and understand what I was going through (emotionally and mentally). Thank you and have a good day.

View Quoted Comment I’m sorry to hear that, and I understand your perspective. It’s just everyone on here doesn’t seem to sympathize with what I’m going through and I guess they’d consider my desire to have the Bach where I wanted unimportant. And to be told to not even plan to have a make up trip as if the weekend the planned bachelorette party was supposed to happen didn’t matter, hurt me a little to hear. Now since I love going to Vegas, it’s going to feel really weird to go there again someday (whether with my fiancé or friends) because I too will associate that place with negative feelings of when I was planning on going there for my Bach. And I know I didn’t mention it before, but my wedding coordinator actually came up with the idea to have the make up trip because at least they feel bad for me.

"I hope all my bridesmaids will be very appreciative of the generosity of me buying them robes, custom hangers, jewelry, hair and makeup services on the wedding day."

That stuff is all for you, not for them. Those are props for your wedding.

View Quoted Comment That’s a lot of robes and hangers and jewelry just for one person. That’s why I personalized everything for everyone else, meaning for them. Those so-called props might look good in pictures, but I put thought into each and every one of their gifts, which I’m sure they’ll love. And we’ll all look good getting our make up and hair done as a result too. It’s a win-win.

I went to a friend’s destination bachelorette party in New Orleans. It was a blast. There were 6 of us and no drama. This was several years ago when prices were reasonable.
People tend to agree to go upfront and when it’s time to pull the trigger, they see the prices for airfare, hotel, food and drinks, it’s a lot to commit to.

View Quoted Comment Yeah, exactly! The prices then went drastically up after they all said they couldn’t go, but that wasn’t a reason why they couldn’t pull the trigger as well. The prices went up almost a month after I narrowed down the plans for everyone.

There was a lot to read, and I may have missed some important points. But, Lauren, I totally see your point and there isn't anything wrong with you being upset/disappointed. I think you came on here and posted this because you wanted some support. So here it is:

I am sure that your bridal party will be very appreciative of what you give them for the wedding. It is thoughtful and it's costs a lot for all that stuff. And even though you are honoring them as the special people in your life, you are the bride... Getting pampered and surprised and treated well is expected and kind of crappy if your friends don't do that. Going on a destination bachelorette is awesome, I've been to one. But, there is always the risk that people will flake or something will come up and they won't be able to go. That being said, It isn't right for people to say yes to something like this, and then for various reasons back out last minute (excluding major issues/life circumstances of course).

Maybe 1 or 2 backing out is understandable, but almost all of them is a lot! I don't know your friends, but perhaps some of them aren't the kind of people you can make these types of plans with? Or maybe they aren't good friends, I don't know. You have to be the one to evaluate that. But, right before your wedding probably isn't the best time to do that. It's a high stress time for everyone and it could ruin your friendships if you don't go with the flow at some point (think bridezilla... you don't want to be that girl). When everything is over and your emotions have settled, think about it and how important this is/was and either talk to your friends or work hard to let it go. I'm sorry this happened. My advice would be to try and enjoy the rest of the festivities before you get married in July! Hopefully this is a once in a lifetime, and it goes by fast, you don't want to miss it. Anyway, hope this helps, good luck and best wishes.

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You aren’t getting the “proper” responses that you wanted because as objective bystanders giving advice, people are looking at the entirety of the situation and are noticing the recurring theme of you feeling entitled to a party and expecting others to make it up to you later for not giving you what you felt was owed to you.

No one is saying that you don’t deserve the bachelorette of your dreams – what everyone is attempting to convey to you is that while it would have been wonderful for that bachelorette to have happened as you wanted it to, sometimes our dreams won’t or can’t become a reality, and while it is completely understandable that you are upset and disappointed about it, you are only doing yourself a disservice by dwelling on the matter and continuing to propagate this idea that your bridesmaids owed it to you to throw / attend this party and that they need to make it up to you (I refer to your earlier comments that only 2 of the 6 were planning the alternate event and that maybe they will make it up to you later).

No one is talking down to you or saying anything remotely inappropriate or out of line but simply trying to get you to understand another perspective in the interests of getting you to accept the reality of the matter and to move on past it.

Regardless of you buying your bridal party robes or jewellery, telling them your expectations, giving them advance notice, or you being under the stress of planning a wedding, none of that imposes an obligation on your bridal party to throw you a bachelorette party (or your dream destination bachelorette for that matter). Like you yourself said, thoughts don’t always turn into action and while you got it in your head that failure is not an option, it is time to move on, reconcile the fact that it is what it is, and focus on your upcoming wedding.

View Quoted Comment I wish I could “like” this comment

Honestly, buy yourself the plane ticket and go by yourself. Seems like you can’t give up the idea.


I hope you’re putting as much effort into your wedding planning as complaining about missing out on a “dream bachelorette party.” People get married for the marriage and wedding, not a dream “last fling” bachelorette party. If this really means that much to you, make the trip. You can’t expect others to be able to do it given current circumstances.

View Quoted Comment Yeah, sorry I wrote a lot, but I was really trying to get my point across as best I could. I want to thank you for literally nailing every point perfectly. It is exactly what I needed to hear with words such as “support” and I never wanted to appear like I was being a bridezilla and wanted everything to go exactly how I always imagined it. Also, I was constantly being told by my friends and fiancés family that “this is supposed to be your day” and I considered that to be a form of a confidence booster because I want to be able to enjoy the last couple of months before the wedding, and I didn’t need to deal with the surge of drama. I appreciate the time you took to respond, it was very thoughtful. Thank you once again!

View Quoted Comment So, I almost wasn’t going to reply to your comment because it was coming off slightly mean, because the proper response from one nice person in this thread was “supportive”. However, I just have to point out that it’s not up to you or anyone else on here for that matter to tell me that I can’t even bother to ask my bridesmaids to consider the option of a make up trip. I may not like the idea of not having a Bach at the end of this month like my fiancé is, but I certainly wouldn’t want to miss out on the opportunity to ask them if they wanted to do something like that, especially if I felt strongly enough to deserve one (regardless of how you may feel I don’t deserve even a make up trip). I sincerely hope you understand my perspective and where I’m coming from because it seems like you would rather not hear my side and just want me to let it go. And basically me doing all these nice things for my bridal party won’t change a thing and they won’t care to even remotely try and do something nice for me after all I’ve done for them? We can’t predict the future, so therefore we can’t assume what we can and won’t do. Lastly, I’ll say you are been inappropriate in using my own words against me because while some “thoughts don’t always turn into actions”, I think I should still have a chance to at least try instead of flat out giving up because you lot don’t want to hear my case. I can choose how I spend my time and energy, on both wedding planning and dealing with this crap (including backlash from complete strangers who I thought would be somewhat helpful). I should be able to get what I want to make me happy, so I hope you got everything you wanted during your wedding planning process (no matter what it was).