But we don't want a honeymoon!

Very thoughtful of your FBIL!!

I would say, accept his offer only if he budges on the kid issue!! Not fair to leave them out. Even if its just a cabin in a state park for a weekend. Leaving your child would be HARD. So maybe make it a family honeymoon! You have obviously already worked one on one time around the kiddo. I think he is very sweet for offering, but I don't think its necessary to accept. And guilt will fade.

My idea is a suggestion. You will figure out what's right for your family.

Maybe it would be a good chance for your daughter to bond with her grandmother? Unless she's just a horrible person? And maybe you could just do like four nights instead of a whole week? That is a generous offer…hard to refuse but I see where you're coming from if you don't like the beach. But you only get one chance for a honeymoon and it would be nice for the newlyweds to have some time alone. I know a lot of couples don't like leaving their kids behind for anything, I guess I just won't get that until I have my own child, but I think it's important for you to have some time alone.

I agree, accept his offer! When you go to an all inclusive resort somewhere tropical its usually Mexico, DR, or Jamaica and its not really TRAVELLING travelling. You don't get close to the local culture and spend the entire week on super secure resort with a bunch of other Americans doing the same thing. You just happened to have needed a passport and a plane ride to get there.

Could your child maybe stay with your parents instead of FMIL? Chalk it up to your mom (or dad) just couldn't resist an opportunity to spend time with the grand baby.

Refuse it. No need for him to spend money on a trip that you guys aren't going to enjoy. To each their own and if this isn't for you, then it isn't for you. I wish there was a way you could talk to him and tell him everything you said to us -- that it would be a waste of his money to do this because you don't want to leave your daughter and the locations he has stipulated just aren't your thing. IF he was willing to change it to a family vacation somewhere you want to go then you would be more humbled by his offer, but at this time you think his money is better spent elsewhere, no matter how much you appreciate the thought.

Sorry it's adding additional stress for you!

What a sticky area to be in. hooray for a free trip, but not where you wanna go and without your kid. i'd have FH tell him thanks but we'd rather take our kid to disneyworld/land as a family, than disappear together. if they dont wanna help with that then call it a dead issue. plus how cool would that be to go to disneyworld/land as fmaily

Yeahhh....I've been to Mexico at an all inclusive resort. Not my thing or FH's. It was fun, don't get me wrong. But I can think of so many other places I'd rather go. We like to do and go see things and not stay in one place for long.

MIL isn't a horrible person, but she doesn't agree with the way we parent (she's very children should be seen and not heard) and will not hesitate to spank our LO, or take items away she feels she no longer needs (blanket) she wouldn't be willing to lay with our LO if she was upset and couldn't sleep. She's very "you just need to shut the door and tune them out" and she's shown us as much/said as much in regards to our daughter. I will NOT put my kid through that ever, but not her very first time alone without us especially. FMIL would not respect any boundaries set by us or requests that she follow our methods and I'm pretty sure that would devastate our daughter. She's too young to get it.

The way we look at it, we were together alone for 7 years before our daughter came along. Now it's family time, when our daughter (and future kids) are a bit older and need us less and are more independent, we can go back to focusing more on us. We still have dates, and go to concerts, and do things we want to. But we'd rather spend our time and money with our daughter than away from her.

FBIL won't let us do a weekend away or 4 days away in the country, and FMIL would be livid if we found someone else to watch our daughter because it has already been "arranged" by FBIL that she will be the one watching our LO.

It is very very generous of him, and I appreciate the offer. It's just not at all what we have any interest in doing anytime soon.

I think this getaway would be a perfect bonding time for your LO and FMIL. Maybe someone you trust can stop in while you & FH are gone to check on them. That might ease your mind a little.

I am not a beach resort person either, I get that. DO whatever makes you feel comfortable!

In that case, I would politely decline FBIL's offer...however if he were interested in letting LO come along, I'd be all for it! She may be too young to remember, but I think she would love a trip to the beach or would enjoy baby pics in front of the Effiel tower when she is a bit older.

Soon2bmrs, even FH is uncomfortable with the idea of his mom watching LO. Like I said she parents very differently. It would be hard enough on LO for us to leave for a week since she does not yet have a real concept of time or understanding of those things, but even harder to be left alone with someone who's virtually a stranger and who would not at all stick to our routine/ways, even in the interest of making it easier on our LO.

I (WE) refuse to leave our LO with someone who has flat out said she will spank her, and lock her in her room to cry herself to sleep if she's upset and missing us.

There is a reason that 3 out of her 4 kids keep their distance from her - she didn't exactly nail this whole parenting thing!

Yes, if he were willing to let us choose somewhere we'd actually like to go, and take DD I'd be on the next plane available! But why waste his money, our time and poor LO's sanity for something none of us want?

Have you talked with your BIL and explained why his offer isn't suitable to you? It's sounds to me like he was trying to do something that he genuinely thought you be great for you two. I assume he wants the two of you to have some private time to bond, he doesn't want you to have to worry about extra expense, and the tropics are go-to places for where people generally want to be - hence his stipulations.

Maybe if you and your FH could sit down and discuss him that while you really appreciate his offer, it doesn't fit with your own desires, you guys can come up with a compromise.

Your FBIL "won't let you" do four days ... umm yeah thanks but no thanks. Besides the situation with your child and FMIL sounding very uncomfortable for your LO and you ... being told by another adult that he pretty much wouldn't allow something would totally put me off right there. A gift that comes with rules if you will isn't a gift that I would want anyways. IMO.

It's really strange to offer someone a "gift" with restrictions like that. I would absolutely turn it down if it isn't what you want. I wonder if he only offered because he gets some kind of deal on all-inclusive vacations? Otherwise it just makes no sense that he should care where you go or what you do. Especially when there are way cheaper vacation options that he isn't open to.

FH has told him we aren't interested in a trip just like that, and threw out some other ideas that are more our style and would fit into what we are comfortable with, but FBIL said no to all of it.

Here's the thing. I don't know FBIL well. He lives an hour away and never visits when he's in town, his house is the opposite of kid friendly so if we visit it's very brief (and by not kid friendly I mean inappropriate for kids - lots of drinking, partying, swearing, graphic video games on (literally!) 8 TV's). This is a bit of a bizarre offer coming from someone who doesn't even normally give Christmas gifts or phone or even text on birthdays, etc. FH thinks it might be an attempt to wave his money around, and because he gets good deals through a friend for trips like this, he'd rather send us on a fully paid vacation than only contribute to one because it "looks better"

I don't know if that's the case at all, like I said I don't know him well enough to make that sort of call. FH thinks it's very possible though because FBIL does like to show off his money any chance he gets.

I think it's maybe because FH asked him to stand up with him and I don't think he realized FH felt so close to him (they have a weird relationship) so he's wanting to do something nice but just doesn't "get" why we're uncomfortable/not up for it.

But who knows what the real reason is!

I think he is probably thinking he is doing something you will enjoy. He probably thinks he is doing you two a favor by having you go to this resort and not worry about a thing but in reality it REALLY is not what you want to do. I would just explain to him you really appreciate his offer, you're just not resort people and you truly do find other activities more relaxing.

You sound very over-protective. Too over-protective. I would take this (very generous) trip, let your daughter stay with grandma and get to know each other. It sounds like your FBIL put stipulations on this to get you both out of your comfort zone without having to spend any of your own money.

I am not even going to address whether or not you should go or whether FMIL is the one to watch your child.

What I can't get past is: Who offers a "gift" with so many rules, restrictions and requirements?

Uhh, disagree. You sound like a good mom and practical person. There's nothing overprotective about not wanting your daughter left alone for a week and spanked and locked in her room by a virtual stranger... I mean, really?! That'd be straight-up neglect!

We don't have kids yet, but I get it. Our children will be raised very differently than FMIL's.