Call a quits??!

Yes, I’ve contemplated calling it quits but it had nothing to do with the wedding. It had everything to do with how we agreed that both of us would be willing to move to the other person’s city, but I’m the only one making an effort (applying for transfers) when Im content where I work and live. I’ve lived in five different states and three countries during my lifetime and I’m not even 30 yet. While FS, has lived in his city for about 25 years. I’m concerned that if I move to his city, I’ll hate it there and be unhappy with a new job. Not to mention I have zero friends in his city while I have several friends where I’m living now.

When I say calling it quits I mean canceling the entire engagement and remaining simply boyfriend & girlfriend.

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In a similar situation, how are you dealing with that? FH is graduating in May and hasn't been able to find a job where I live.

This breaks my heart. My main objective is that when it’s time to plan my wedding, that’s fun for both of us. I don’t think this is a normal. You should have a heart to heart and hear him out.

My fiance and I are also stressed. Wedding planning takes a lot of energy and more than anything, teamwork. It's one of the first big things we have done as a team and how well we work together (eventhough we rarely agree on what we want.. totally different tastes haha) has made me fall in love with him all over again. I can't say we haven't had a really bad day, week, etc when we have said "Should we even have a big wedding?" but never have we discussed calling off our engagement itself. That would hurt me and I would have a lot to think about because there are so many times you need your spouse to be there working with you as your teammate in your life so if that is how he handled a rough patch / stressful situation, I wouldn't feel great about that personally..

It may have been something he said out of anger but even then, I'd definitely discuss the matter with him again.

Money can cause big problems in a relationship. Some people even get divorced over it. If a relationship is strong and if the couple is truly in love, money can't cause that type of divide. If you want to see if he really wants to be married, take the money stress out of the equation.

I'm paying for our wedding and my fiancee is paying for our honeymoon. This gives me the freedom to choose what I want and how much I'm willing to pay for it. My fiancee will give me opinions now and then (which I'm happy to hear) but the decisions are mine. In return, he is choosing our destinations for our honeymoon. If there is a specific place I want to go, he lovingly tries to include it. Ultimately, the honeymoon is his decision.

My FH and I are also personally am struggling with this also. We both love each but the stress of planning and cost is causing a lot of tension. He wanted to elope and I wanted the dream wedding. He would prefer a JP wedding. We started with an unrealistic budget (he set the budget) despite me telling him it wouldn't work. Now that we went past budget he is annoyed. I have worked my butt off to pay my share. He now is pissed because I want a videographer. I'm willing to pay for it all on my own. We have had a lot of other stuff happen in 2019 that has added to increased stress. We just sat down last night and had a heart to heart and we both love each other and want to get married we just need to communicate and support each other better. I would recommend having a conversation. Maybe in a casual low key setting and a time when you are both calm and relaxed. Just to figure out the underlying issues and feelings. Best of luck. I know this has been most stressful time for us both.

How close is the wedding? It could very well be the stress of the wedding. I would say okay to the break and give him a while. I’m very sure he will miss you and realize even more why he needs you in his life. If not, then it’s better to break up now then after you are married

I am going through the same thing. Me and my FH started planning and he didn't realize how much it would cost. He wants an extravagant wedding and an out of state honey moon... these are completely out of the question... I make 13 dollars an hour and he is in debt because he can't save AT ALL. So everything's been on me. He has broken up with me several times in the last few months but we work it out... even though all my friends hate him, and his mom and dad don't like me either cause he told them we have sex, and they are VERY religious so now to his WHOLE family I am a tramp. Honestly, if it was me i would ask myself if it is worth it. And if you do break up what would happen. Like me and my FH live together our names are on the lease, for a year. I can pay all the Bill's on my own, but he furnished it so I'd lose all our appliances and what not. His friend is also my boss which is how I have a job... so I could lose my job also. So just look at what you have, what it's worth, if you love him how hard do you want to fight for him?

View Quoted Comment This x 1000. During the course of my 2 year engagement, FH and I have had 2 major blow ups. Like leave the house for a day or two type angry. I even shouted in anger "let's just cancel the whole damn thing!" Ditto on seeking counseling, they are so helpful. Even if it's just a minor thing (as it was in the case with us) because of the wedding planning all of our emotions are heightened. The counselor got us to see how small it was and gave us the tools to work through it if we were to have another blow up.

You will get through this and if not, everything happens for a reason.

This is not a sign! Hon-ayyyyy! I made a post about issues in my relationship about a month ago and somebody advised me to call my wedding and relationship off! The nerve! We started our pre-marital counseling sessions and realized we were taking the time to communicate with each other properly. My FH wanted nothing to do with the wedding preparation and I was over his attitude, then started having one of my own. You walk away from a relationship when there have been chronic issues that affect you negatively. Not a wedding disagreement or temporary mood swings.

View Quoted Comment To be honest.... prayer is what is getting me through.

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Jessica:

Wow, girl. You have your whole life ahead of you. Is this how you want to spend it? You are a hard working woman. Recognize your value. You deserve to be treasured.

I'm so sorry you are going through this. Give him the space/time he needs and if he's willing suggest couples counseling. I know this is hard especially when the one you love is questioning EVERYTHING. But it's better to find this out now before getting married.

Thinking of you

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I agree with couples counseling. I'd hope he wouldn't be so quick to end things over wedding planning but I know it can be stressful. I'd definitely suggest counslleing

I think its definitely normal to argue during wedding planning. Some of the reason people argue more during this time is because of the nervousness that naturally comes along with making such a big commitment to someone else. I highly recommend ALL couples go to marriage counseling before and after getting married, even if they aren't consciously struggling with anything because it will help make sure you're dealing with any underlying issues and make sure you're on the same page when it comes to finances and other important issues. The reality is, the wedding is one day of your lives together and it will fly by so all those little details won't really end up mattering when it comes down to it. If you love each other and know you want to spend your lives together I would say see a counselor and talk about what is really important to you and then focus on that.

I'm so sorry to hear this Although personal, that's what this community is here for!

My fiance and I have joked a few times through the peak points of stress while planning about eloping but that is as far as it has gone. We have also had our fair share of disagreements about certain things especially with the guest list and cost of things (the other stuff he cares a little less about). But as I said, we have never got to the point of wanting to call it off.

We got to a point about a month ago where anytime the wedding got brought up he would shut down and stop talking about it. We talked through the issue and decided to take a week "Staycation" from planning. We focused on us, went on some dates, etc. It helped a lot.

I would say the best thing you can do at the moment is give him a little space. Express that you still want to get married but you are also willing to take a step back a reevaluate the planning process.

Good luck!

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Jessica it sounds like youre talking yourself into staying in that relationship

We have actually discussed this, our relationship has always been rocky and now we're just adding things on top, which adds more stress. But ultimately I know that fighting or no fighting, and truly as the vows say for better or worse; I want to spend the rest of my life with him. I want to wake up to him and make that conscious decision to love him and respect him until we can't anymore. It's hard, and it takes work, and there seems to be lots of threats along the way but ultimately it's up to each individual couple.

I think planning a wedding is just super stressful! There are some days that I don't want to talk about the wedding at all because I feel like it will put me over the edge. My FH always figures out ways bring something up and irritate me though. This weekend he brought up so many things that I just started saying "ok" so I can end the conversation. We do go to a pre-marital counselor, so a lot of this will be brought up at our next session.

We were talking about my last name and after we get married I want to hyphenate it. I am known in the area I work (I have a bunch of degrees) and I would like people to be able to find me in the future should they need me. He is totally against it and comments "you want to do that because that's what your sister did". He doesn't even listen to my reasoning for it.

His next comment was that we should send out invitations in early September and have responses due two weeks later for our December 21, 2019 wedding. I tried to compromise on it, but its really hard. He wants people to make their travel plans early (there are very few out of town guests), which I understand, but at the same time if they reply 10 weeks prior to the wedding I fear that people will forget and they won't show up. One of his sisters is notorious for saying she will come to an event, and then the day of the event saying she can't come. Even if I bring up proper etiquette, he doesn't listen.

His last comment was about my plans for my hair and makeup for the day of the wedding. I originally wanted to have someone to come to my house to do my hair and makeup and the hair and makeup for my mom, sister, and 5 year old niece. I have looked around at prices, but it seems way more expensive to have someone come to my house rather than go to a salon. I am pretty picky about where I get my hair done so I wanted to go to a place about 20 minutes away. He was not happy about that, he said I changed my mind (apparently I'm not allowed to) and I would have to schedule it for 7:00 am (wedding isn't until 2:00 pm) to make sure that I'm home in time for the photographer and so I can get ready. He added extra time in there because people will probably be late and just in case we had car trouble.

Even though we have these disagreements I still love him and I want to marry him. I think a lot of these come up from the stress of planning the wedding. The counselor is a great help with the conflict resolution and helping us resolve many of the disagreements we have, large or small.