Calling All Brides To Discuss an Uncomfortable Dilemma...

Your situation is called a "disparity of cult". In order for the marriage to be valid in the eyes of the Church, you need what is called a dispensation - special permission from the bishop to get married. If this is granted you will be able to marry in the church. If you don't go this route, you can still get the marriage convalidated at a later time.

I don't know if your husband is able to receive Communion in the meantime, though.

This is a tricky one. I'm by no means an expert, but went through a similar issue. I should say that my FH & I are both confirmed Catholics, although I don't practice at all, so a slightly different scenario.

I think this decision will come down to two things:

1) How closely your FH follows the Catholic "rules"/how strongly he feels about them.

2) Where you live & how generally strict or lenient the parish is.

Technically, a Catholic must marry in a Catholic church in order for the marriage to be valid. Any other scenario--courthouse, secular, another religious building--means that Catholic is no longer in good standing, has an invalid marriage, is "living in sin," cannot take communion, etc. An invalid marriage & not being in good standing can be a serious issue for a Catholic who wants to follow the church's teachings. This was the deciding factor for me & my FH--he was uncomfortable with having an invalid marriage, & so that made our choice for us. But, if your FH truly doesn't care & only cares that the kids are raised Catholic, then you're probably okay! (For the record, I have no problem with people disagreeing with some or all Catholic teachings, as clearly I'm one of them!)

There is convalidation, mentioned above, but it has to be approved. From my limited understanding, this is often impacted by the strictness of the parish. Technically, convalidation is the beginning of the marriage. I believe you have to go through most, if not all, of the usual Catholic marriage prep, which involves things like church-organized wedding prep, abstaining from pre-marital sex, approval from the priest, etc. There's a lot online about this, and I'm sure your FH's parish would have more details! I've seen plenty of cases, especially during covid, where convalidation has been approved, but all the suggestions are to talk to your (or your FH's) parish priest first.

Good luck! Once we decided on the Catholic wedding, it really did impact our reception venue hunt as we needed it to be near a church we could use!

Ok, so I'm a non-Christian and I married a Catholic.

We attempted to have the ceremony in the Catholic Church, because it was important to him.

We had to do pre-cana. As someone who is NOT Christian, I not only found this very confusing, I found it insulting and, honestly, the complete opposite of helpful. It did not help that it was a poorly run weekend. (Even DH was appalled, and he went to Catholic high school and college.) Even though I was not the only non-Catholic there, at no point did the 'mentors' take time to explain or even check in with those of us who might have been lost. It was a fiasco and I was, quite honestly, traumatized by the experience. Also, very confused. It is supposed to be a marriage boot camp kind of thing, but *every question asked* should have been addressed before you were engaged.

(Everyone who knows me was completely shocked I'd even done the pre-cana, as it is precisely the kind of thing that would do exactly what I'd said it would do - make me incandescent with rage and trigger the heck out of me. But DH wanted to give it a go. ...He learned a lesson about when I say I won't handle something well, though. ...I know me.)

Then, the priest heard we had not had a good time, told us to talk and to think... and then refused to speak with us again, until 3 1/2 months before the wedding, when he refused us.

Adding to the part where you cannot customize the ceremony in any way, you cannot add in your own faith elements, and all readings MUST be from the Bible...

I WAS TOTALLY OK WITH THIS... if not a little mad about the timing. (Ok, I'm still mad 1 1/2 years later and I haven't gone to any Church events, since, and I never will. But that's connected to a host of other things, too.)

DH and I ended up enlisting a friend who is ordained, could craft a ceremony unique to us and our different beliefs, and could legally marry us.

At one point, DH mentioned wanting to go in for the convalidation, but I made it really clear that I am not interested, after the treatment we received. Not to mention, a priest would have to approve, and... uh... yeah, I don't think that's going to happen. (I've noticed priests don't really like my answers to a lot of their questions.)

Baptism is still something we are discussing. ...I prefer leaving that to someone once they are old enough to choose, personally.

I am ok with them learning about his religion and going with their grandparents, sometimes, but DH doesn't even go to Church every Sunday. He has a great deal of personal faith, but his practice is more outside the Church.

You MUST talk this out with your FH.

But, please, keep in mind, if you are not Christian, it's a HUGE ask on YOU, and you may be comfortable with it.

You two have to find your own path through this. Just know, with the Catholic Church, it's their way, or the highway. If you're ok with that, then good luck. If you aren't, you'll have to find a different way.