Our wedding is only about 20-24 guests- my close family, my fiancé's close family, and three of my fiancés friends (I moved from NY to NC so I only have family coming from NY). His friends are 1. engaged (met and love the girl!), 2. married (have not met wife, but excited to meet her!) and 3. single. I say this to emphasize how intimate this wedding is. It is so important to us that our wedding is intimate.
The single friend wants to bring his trashy EX. They dated maybe a year and broke up over a year ago. She cheated on him and then broke up with him so she can "have fun" being single. She is VERY promiscuous. My fiancé has always hated her and was transparent about this during and after their relationship. He has not seen her since before they broke up. I have never met her (my fiancé and I met after they broke up).
My fiancé wants to straight up tell him he cannot bring her but I think he should not.
It is party our fault. On our wedding website, we made the RSVP follow up question "Please write the name of any additional guests you will be bringing". We did this because my sisters have complicated relationships- one of my sister's boyfriends has commitment issues and the other my mother confided in me my sister is breaking up with soon. I didn't know how to handle the +1 situation for either of those (where to write the boyfriends' names, write +1, etc.). I didn't want to write +1 as if requesting to spend the money to fly their boyfriends to the wedding (we live very far). We thought it would be fine because there was no way he would bring that lunatic. He RSVPd and wrote her name. We were shocked and horrified.
This friend is also his coworker, so he knows he's been trying to get back with her but she will not have him. They are definitely not together and have only seen each other in February then May since breaking up.
My fiance says she is extremely attention-needy and inappropriate. She wore a crop top to their (my fiancé and his friend) law school graduation. She is one of those girls who is obsessed with social media and posts photos and videos of herself doing sexy things every day. I don't even have any social media but I found her. She is nasty. She even talks about stealing people's men, being promiscuous and having an onlyfans, obsessing over her own body, and other very graphic, vulgar sexual exploitation of herself. I REALLY don't want her at my wedding. I will actually cry if she acts this way at my wedding. The first moment I see her in person will be while I walk down the aisle. That is a VERY difficult pill to swallow. It is the most important day of my life, under God, with my soul mate, and I really feel that the devil is close to this woman and that thought horrifies me.
My fiancé will do anything including telling her no, but I am the one stopping him. What should we/he do? He said he is definitely at least telling him that she will be asked to leave immediately if she is dressed like a s**t.
Should we leave it at that? Should he ask him to skip the ceremony and only attend the reception? Should he politely say something like "this is an intimate event and it would be uncomfortable to have a stranger to (me) at our wedding".
Please note that my fiancé is an awesomely strange man. He keeps telling me he does not care if this ends a friendship as long as she is not there. I am the only one stopping him. He likes his friend, but he has never cared about friendship much, especially now that he has me. I know that sounds harsh, but we are just one of those couples that has to try really hard to care about friends and value relationships with other people (other than each other and some family) very little. That is just how we are. They have been friends for years and work together and he likes him on a surface level, but it doesn't feel right to have a huge negative feeling on the most important day of our lives just to make him happy.
How can we deal with this while balancing making our wedding how WE want and what makes US happy with treating other decently? Any sneaky tricks you can think of to get rid of her without having to end the friendship?
