Can Married People Be Friends With The Opposite Sex?

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This.

Just, it is 2019, and if anyone you even consider having a relationship with, tries to dictate who gets to be around you, we all know you need to RUN AWAY, because that is controlling and abusive.

I have a bridesman on my side of the bridal party. My FH has 2 groomsladies (admittedly, one is his sister - but that begs a question, if you can't have friends of other genders, can you even talk to a sibling???), and the one that isn't his sister is one of his best friends. She was there when we met and laughed hysterically at the reaction FH had to meeting me (think hit over the head with a frying pan).

One of our biggest problems is this insistence that we have to keep distance between genders, out of some old-fashioned, debunked societal belief that we can't possibly control ourselves. We're all adults and we can all make choices. If you consistently make bad choices, that's a reflection of you, not your age/gender/anything. Friends are people who share your hobbies/passions/values/background, but are people you'd rather not share a bed/everyday life with... and since that isn't on the menu, it shouldn't be a problem.

What? Of course they can. Most of my friends are guys. I'm a female that plays video games, watches anime, and is a data scientist...by default I get along better with guys. I have very few female friends. My oldest friend is male and me and his gf get along great and so does he and my husband. It's a hot button issue because most people are insecure and get jealous. If I have to be jealous that my husband will go for someone else or him being jealous of me, it's time for us to call it quits. Also if I were friends with someone before we married I'm surely ging to be friends with them afterwards.

Absolutely. It helps that all my best friends were really my husbands' best friends too. There's never been a trust issue either way since everyone feels like a close community.

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I think its perfectly okay to have friends of the opposite sex. You just have to set boundaries to respect your marriage.

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Yup. I also think friend-group integration really helps with this. My husband and I know each other's friend dynamics super well. He actually said that was one of the reasons why he was even okay initiating a relationship with me to begin with!

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I like the idea of "friend-group integration".

Most of the female friends my FH has are friends he has had since grade school or at least middle school, and I see no reason he should stop being friends with them now because he’s going to get married. He has female coworkers that he spends 8+ hours around 5 days a week, he spends far more time with them than he does his friends. Trust is very important to both of us, and so is taking the other persons feelings into account. If one of us doesn’t feel comfortable with something, we talk about it and try to understand the other POV.
The one issue we have had is with an ex he stayed friends with. She used to have family local to us and would come visit him at his house while I was at work and leave before I got off. Shortly after our son was born she convinced my FH to bring him and go hiking with her while I was working. I’ve met her a few times and she just gives me bad vibes, she’s super flirty with FH, resting her hand on his arm and positioning herself next to him. FH told me I was just jealous and in the beginning I thought he was right and I was just being crazy because she was/is married. About a year ago she called FH crying because she was getting divorced and was planning on moving out near us, which FH just gave her s generic sorry yo hear that kind of response and left it at that. A couple weeks later she began (and has continued ever since) posting on FB several times a day about how much she loves her husband. They both came to CO on “business” last fall, which led to them visiting us. We were with my cousin and her boyfriend, so all six of us went out to eat, and afterwards even my cousins boyfriend was asking what her deal was and commenting about her flirting with my FH. Since that outing and a few months later the announcement of our engagement he has not heard from her once. I’d prefer we don’t ever hear from her again, personally, but I’d never tell my FH who he can and can’t be friends with. I’m not friends with any of my ex’s, so that’s not an issue for me.

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I agree that as long as you and your partner can have a conversation about things that bother you then nothing will become a serious problem in your marriage.

I have very close friends who are guys and some of them have been my longest friends. My FH doesn’t mind and he also has friends who are women. FH is even now friends with two of my guy friends and one will be a groomsman in our wedding.

I don’t think being friends with people of the opposite sex is a “slippery slope” either. I agree with some of the other posters that cheaters are the slippery slope. I have a guy friend who I regularly hang out with and sometimes we hang out alone, and I have never felt that a boundary had the potential to be crossed because he respects my relationship as I would his

This topic always gets my blood boiling. There is something terribly wrong with your relationship/marriage if you cant be friends with other guys. I have been in relationships that either forbade me from hanging out with my guy friends, caused drama any time I mentioned a guy friend, accused me of infidelity and unclean thoughts just for having guy friends etc...
This is NOT normal! It's a severe control and trust issue. Same goes for you girls, if you aren't comfortable with your man having a friend that's a girl then either he's untrustworthy or you're controlling. Marriage is all about love and trust, I never have to worry about who my fiance is hanging out with. I also work in a Male dominated field and often go on extended work trips with all males. This was a huge issue in past relationships, but FH has no issue with it. He's even met some of the guys and has learned to see it as I'm protected while I'm away from him.

Sorry for the rant, this topic hits close to home.

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My posts are intended to start healthy discussions so I'm sorry that it triggered you in a negative manner. I do not think it is healthy for your spouse to restrict you from being friends with an entire gender, however, I do think it is healthy to set boundaries with anyone who could potentially interfere in your relationship. For me, it should be about respect and trust rather than control. Anyone who tries to control you does not trust you and therefore is not meant for you. No need to apologize, I'm glad you found your future husband who won't put you through any of that.

View Quoted Comment Sorry if I came off rough, I didn't mean any hard feelings towards you or your post. Might have gotten carried away.

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No worries, I completely understand.

I'm all for having opposite-gendered friends and not being with someone who controls that. I was with someone for 3.5 years who did that to me, yet he was allowed to do whatever. Even though it took way longer than it should have, I'm so thankful I finally left that toxic relationship! My FH doesn't care who I talk to or hang out with. I don't care who he hangs out with or talks to, however, about a year into our relationship there were some women who apparently didn't know about me. We've definitely worked through all that properly, my request was that all friends (old or new) have to (obviously) know about me. I would also do the same, however, I only have two-ish guy friends. One I hardly talk to anymore and the other is actually a friend of my FH too (I met him first and introduced them). And I think someone mentioned this in a previous comment, but if those friends are clearly disrespecting our relationship or ignoring it, then I feel it would need to be addressed and possibly ended depending on the circumstances. I do agree there should be boundaries set to an extent out of respect for your spouse, but not so much to be considered controlling.

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Respect and boundaries are the keys here.

Why does there need to be new boundaries? There is no boundary other than me being in a relationship. If someone doesn't respect that that's on them. Also I don't think being married means different boundaries that dating. I have the same boundaries as when we were dating. Our relationship is just as serious to me now as it was then. I have male friends that I've slept in the same bed with. I have male friends that I've talked to at 2 am. I have male friends that I've gotten drunk with. Because we are friends and I treat them the same as I treat any close friend. I would never change our relationship for anyone, husband or otherwise.

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I don't think there necessarily needs to be "new" boundaries but my husband and I believe boundaries should be set once you're in a relationship (marriage or not).

I did have a long answer to this, but I'm going to erase and keep it short. Yes, you can have friends of the opposite sex. It comes down to trusting your husband (significant other).

Can it frighten you? Yes. Can you get jealous? Yes.

It doesn't make you any less of a human being, if anything it just makes you that much more real. We all have worries about being cheated on etc, but at the end of the day all you can do is trust your SO and be honest with them.

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Agreed.

Being upfront with your partner at all stages of the relationship is really important.

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Mary,

Perfect answer! My head just couldn't get this exact wording into a paragraph like you did.

Thank you, ha!.