My fiancé and I have been together 10 years and got engaged in 2017. This is my first wedding and his second. We originally planned to marry the end of 2018 (NYE), but after our engagement party in the beginning of 2018 both of out mothers became ill. Both we unexpected and fairly quick. It was a very difficult time because while his mother was sick for 6 months and mine only about 6 weeks, they passed 3 weeks from each other to the day. My mother passed quickly first, but his was terminal at the that time. We made the decision together to move the wedding to 2019 because both of us were overcome with grief.
Out first wedding was scheduled in July 2019, and about 6 weeks before he said he didn't have the right "feeling" and didn't want to get married now. I pushed to have him commit to another 2019 date and he did in December, but he recently said the same thing and didn't want to get married.
I feel that he did change significantly after the passing of his mother and we have been together for so long that I don't if I am ready to throw everything away. He said the last time that he can remember having the right feeling to get married was our engagement party. Almost immediately after that party, his mother's cancer became inoperable and only treatment was available (stage 4).
We are in counseling now, but my fear is that he will always have another excuse. I don't know if this feeling come from the erosion of trust I now have. I also think that he never even began to deal with his grief. I am still grieving each day for my own mother, who was just too young to be gone. I have my own insecurities as well because of my devastating loss.
I also had a cancelled engagement a few years before I met my current fiancé so maybe I am the problem.
I am just confused as to what to do next.
