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Rachel
Just Said Yes December 2023

Can’t agree on a location…

Rachel, on December 15, 2022 at 1:11 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 7
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My FH and I really want to get married in Pittsburgh. It is where he is from (we live in CT) and it is a special place for us for a number of reasons. My parents want to have the wedding in CT (where I am from). However, most of my family is scattered about (CT, MA, AL, OH, MI, Canada) whereas my FH’s family is all within an hour drive from the city.


For so many reasons, it makes more sense to have the wedding in Pittsburgh but my mom is calling it “heartbreaking” that I don’t want my wedding to be in CT. She went as far as to say they won’t contribute as much money if it’s not here because they wouldn’t be “hosting” and instead my in laws would be hosting. In my eyes, whoever is paying is hosting.
I’m not sure how to approach the conversation again because last time it ended with my mother in tears and my father stonefaced. But we’re running out of time to get them on board before we start touring venues.

7 Comments

Latest activity by Paige, on December 19, 2022 at 10:47 AM
  • H
    Master July 2019
    Hannah ·
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    It’s your wedding. Have it where you want. Just be prepared to foot the bill. Money comes with strings, as they’ve made clear. They’ll get over it eventually but they have to learn that your mom throwing temper tantrums won’t lead to her getting her way on your wedding.
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  • V
    Champion July 2019
    Veronica Online ·
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    Honestly if you want control of your wedding then pay for it yourselves. Otherwise the person/people paying for it are going to expect/demand control over things like you are seeing in this situation.
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  • Cece
    Rockstar October 2023
    Cece ·
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    I agree with the previous posters– I would pay for the wedding yourself. You haven’t even chosen a location for it yet, and your parents are already trying to control it with their wallets. Sit down with FH and the two of you decide what is best for you, and make up a plan to save money for the event that best suits the two of you.
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  • M
    VIP August 2021
    Michelle ·
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    I'm assuming you are going to venues with your partner only? Then, you should start touring venues in Pittsburgh and show everyone you're serious. However, if you feel you must bring your parents on tours for their final permission, then you really want them to pay. So I would get ready for a CT wedding.

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  • Rachel
    Just Said Yes December 2023
    Rachel ·
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    We did start scheduling tours for after Christmas and we actually asked my fiancé’s mom and sister to come with us. I plan on inviting my parents as well but I’m not sure they’ll make the trip……
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  • M
    Expert July 2023
    Michele ·
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    I'm so sorry this is happening and that your parents are manipulating you into doing what they want. There really won't be a win here as someone's feelings will be hurt. Keep. How far you want to push back is entirely up to you. Keep in mind though, for every action there are reactions and consequences. Base your designs on what you're willing to live with. I'm really sorry this is happening. Best of luck!
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  • Paige
    VIP October 2022
    Paige ·
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    I had to deal with a lot of that too. I 100% suggest paying for it yourself and doing it the way you want. Tell your mom that you and your fiancé will be "hosting," and that you won't be letting her get her way by threats or tantrums. If she's already engaging in this kind of behavior before you've even booked a venue, it'll probably keep happening if you let her have her way the first time. Now is a great time to put your foot down and start establishing boundaries.

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