Can’t Decide on Wedding Date!!

Whenever we clashed on something and were unable to find a suitable result we both liked we took pause to consider who it mattered more to. The other person would then need to compromise.

Whilst your reasoning is very understandable and I fully sympathise with the position you're in, in this instance he seems to have the more serious concern and so my recommendation would be that you are the one to compromise on this occasion. If you do this however I would make it clear to him that, due to the shortened timeline, you fully expect him to pull his weight in organising the wedding (and/or perhaps, if finances allow, you could look into hiring somebody to help?)

You can definitely organise a wedding enjoyably and successfully within his timeframe. We just pulled ours off with 3.5 months of organising.. and I have 3 jobs, lol. You've got this!

My dad died 6 months before my brother's wedding - completely unexpectedly - so I understand where you're coming from as far as you don't know how long you'll have someone. I also, having planned a wedding, think you *may* be setting yourself up for some disappointment, with all this "magical moment" stuff. Planning a wedding is a lot of work, and a lot of the time, it's not fun - it's figuring out money/chasing down guests for rsvps/that kind of thing.

Rather than trying to set the date first, perhaps you should discuss your budget - and what that budget may look like next year and the year after. That will give you an idea as to whether you can have the wedding you want next year, or if it would be something you would find disappointing. Additionally, you may find it difficult to get venues for next year - the pandemic has backed off a number of weddings and so venues are booked/booking quickly.

If you still can't agree, then perhaps the two of you should sit and make lists so you can each see the other's point of view/reasoning.

I also did not have budgetary concerns, but I know a lot of people do, so it's always something to think about. I planned my wedding in 6 months (we were engaged 6 months 1 day) and I didn't find it overly stressful, but I also got married before COVID, so the world was a very different place. I didn't think of this before Veronica mentioned it - but she has a point. If you push back the wedding to 2024 and someone passes who would have been there if you had gotten married sooner, will FH resent that you pushed back the wedding and they didn't make it?

My fiancé and I both started new jobs within a year of our wedding, and I don't think it made wedding planning any less special or took away from it. Frankly, I think it made both my job and my wedding MORE special, because it gave me something to talk about with my coworkers as I got to know them, which got me more excited about everything.

Bridget made a great point about compromising, and I think that's great advice to apply here. You both have valid reasons, but your fiancé's reasons sound like they'd be the ones that would need to take precedent. Her point about your fiancé getting what he wants meaning he need to pull his weight with the planning or consider hiring someone is also great advice.

My fiancé and I were engaged for over 2.5 years (thanks, COVID), but most of the planning was done within the last 7 months. It's stressful, but definitely do-able. Plus, as a teacher, you'd have the summer to devote to planning. If you picked sometime around the middle or end of summer, you'd be able to tackle the most stressful parts of wedding planning (the last month or so) without worrying about your job.

This is a good point. Its a bit like having kids - there is never a right time!

Ugh this is a tricky one as a teacher I fully understand how overwhelming that first year can be but honestly my first year of teaching was not my hardest. As other posters have mentioned you just never know what will happen at work. While you also cannot control people's health I d really consider your partners concerns and trying to ensure your loved ones will be there. I don't think I d regret getting married during my first year of teaching but I would regret missing out on having a loved one there if possible. Prioritizing your job over his concerns about family in attendance could lead to major issues and resentment if anything does happen and those people are not able to make the later date. I d do my best to compromise and tell him you respect his concerns but if you are going to do the wedding sooner you are going to need lots of help and support from him and your family. Definitely stop tabling the discussion and have a respectful, productive, and honest talk with him. Hopefully you can come up with a compromise that works well for both of you. Your first steps should be deciding on a budget and wedding size and then make a list of possible venues, often times venue availability is what chooses the date. Best of luck to you with the wedding planning and the teaching! Both events can be stressful but also super joyful enjoy this time in your life!

Since your budget is secured, there is very little reason for you to be stressed about wedding planning! If you take out the money aspect, basically all that's left is fun...lol. Yes, some venues / vendors will be booked but I promise when you think you've found "the one"....along comes another one that is just as good.

I lean towards your FH side, however, I completely agree that people die unexpectedly all the time. My best friend planned her wedding with a venue she didn't love, a dress she didn't love, and a cheap photographer in an attempt to have her grandmother attend who was doing poorly. Well, she died 5 days after she booked all this stuff she couldn't undo. I would not plan a wedding based around someone you're worried about not being there in any capacity. Also keep in mind, physical presence is not everything. My late grandmother was my entire world and she died last year, but I know that she will be there by my side regardless!

Compromise. How about 15-18 months out?