Can’t Even...

Nice to know I’m not the only one who finds this behavior rude @judith!

To be honest, I don't think I've ever gotten a 'thank you' card, hand-written or not. I've always brought a gift. It's never even crossed my mind until right now to each their own!

The fact that there are people out there who think manners are outdated baffles me. My grandmother would have my head if she thought I believed thanking people for giving me a gift was a thing of the past.

I honestly can’t stand picture thank you postcard for this reason. When my ex and I got married, we had just over 100 guests- about 50 households. We got thank you cards in the mail within 3 weeks of being married. It doesn’t take that much effort to write a short heartfelt thank you note and they go a long way in my opinion.

View Quoted Comment Maybe you need a new group of friends! Never a thank you, wow! How sad, to be so self involved you do not even realize that expressions of love and caring , require a response. Or the love withers and dies. Imagine being the new husband of one of these people. Bringing flowers and a gift home the day before her birthday, saying honey, I love you, and she says, wow, let's see If Kohl's still has the sweater I saw earlier, it would go with this...as she gets out her phone. So much for the I love you feeling that goes with the gift. Or maybe the new spouse says, as my cousin did, who cares after the wedding, what people think of you? You've already got your presents. And the couple are two of a kind. Sad to know about your friends and family, though.

View Quoted Comment I totally get that their wedding was a lot of effort for you. It definitely sounds that way.
For me, person to person interaction with close people is much more meaningful than a same old generic thank you note, even if handwritten. I see no purpose in it, it will end up in garbage, so kind of waste of paper, transportation & people’s time lol.
To all people who think of writing me a thank you note, I’d tell them: save your time & pick up a phone & let’s have a chat (if we are close friends, as I would be with people whose wedding I’m attending). If we’re not close, then a text or an email would be much preferred, it’s 2019 after all lol.
Most importantly, I don’t think this is worth your stress, kind of live & let live! But that’s just me 🤷🏻‍♀️

View Quoted Comment You are correct, you only send a thank you note for goods and services you receive as gifts. Anyone who has given a gift, gets a pass on not sending You the host a thank you. But anyone who attends the party, food, drink, company in a nice setting, and has not brought you/ sent before, any gift, actually owes the hosts a thank you note for inviting them to their wedding, where they had a wonderful time, meal, and such. Guests thank hosts, for inviting them to the great event. Host's do not thank guests. Host provided everything. Host's send thank you notes only for gifts. ( Anyone who wants may send a note or letter to people who attended, chatting about it. But not a thank you note, and never on thank you stationery.)

View Quoted Comment Wow this is kind of intense. I don’t actually see it like that and I don’t take it so personally. I have gotten a thank you text or phone call from most of our weddings just not an actual thank you card. I come from a less formal and tradition culture and most people are chill so they don’t follow all the etiquette for weddings. Still is rude not to say thank you for a gift but that doesn’t mean I need to unfriend them lol. Either way I think the guy is also at fault not just the girl. If their partner doesn’t write them the guy can do it as well. Not fair to blame it all on the girl either.

View Quoted Comment I totally agree with you. Gifts given with obligations are not gifts given with joy. If you give a gift and expect a piece of paper in return there are more issues there than I can help with. I honestly don’t want people to send me thank you cards because I’m not going to keep it forever and it’s wasteful to not only my time and money, but to all our precious resources and the planet. I give gifts without expecting anything in return because I love that person and want to make them happy or their life easier. I can be grateful and thankful for the wonderful people in my life without needing to join this weird societal need to write a thank you card. Calling people would be a much better use of my time and would make the thank you much more personal. I’m not sure why we have grown to need a pat on the head for every little thing you do. Do something nice because it is the right thing to do, not because you expect something in return. Most etiquette is bs anyway because it stems from monarchies that just wanted to be pampered. Get your heart straight and give joy not obligations.

Wow. I am sorry. But hopefully you had a great time at their wedding. Charge it to their heads and not their hearts. Some people don't even send a thank you note at all =(

Generally speaking most people in my culture don't even send thank you notes. I however, do. So I do see how you're kind of annoyed at it but don't think of it so badly either - you're a good person for spending your time and money to celebrate their union.

I've only ever received the general thank you card with a bunch of photos from the wedding! It is a little impersonal and I agree, it's kind of rude. I get it if it's a big wedding, BUT it's worth it to say thank you in timely and appropriate manner.

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I agree. I have been to two weddings that I gave gifts and got no thank you. I went to a funeral and got a thank you and that meant alot to me ..but I never did get around to sending out thank yous for my mom's funerals. Sometimes things just get away from people. And I do agree the reception is a huge thank you for the ppl that come empty handed =)

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I have to agree with this. I think it's an overreaction. YOU chose to go, to help out, to spend the money so you could be there for her wedding. At least you got a thank you note. Also, you could've easily reached out to her and asked how everything was going, ask about the honeymoon, then ask if she liked your gift. I'm sure she would've said thank you had you brought it up. Maybe she's been busy since getting married. Or maybe she was waiting until she could print out wedding pictures to send everyone as a thank you. I also agree with the part that thank you notes are nice but they're just gonna get thrown in the trash. Hand written or not, it all ends up in the same place

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True. I would be like getting a card for your wedding that does not have any writing on it. Like...okay. LOL. Need a little something and it takes 2 seconds

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SO RUDE. Please do not do this. It is polite and expected to send a hand-written thank you. Just because you didn't receive them, please don't pass along that rudeness. They should have been sent to you as well.

View Quoted Comment Clearly because several others in this thread so not agree it likely depends on your social circle and possibly culture.
My circle doesn't do it, yours does. We see similarly large differences on a vareity of topics on these threads literally every day. You'll do yours I'll (not) do mine.
It's not worth worrying about 🤷

If you haven't found it by now, human behaviour is really interesting. We project expectations and become disappointed or upset when others defy them in some way. We see this here with things as simple as sending an RSVP back but it's like some put on "wedding blinders" and forget people have a life outside of their wedding and that its human to not be perfect.

We were raised the same in the sense that, yes, we thank people who they do nice things, anything for us. However, what happened to doing things without getting recognition or acknowledgement? Just a thought.

Yikes! Sounds like they are showing true colors. Thank you etiquette is something that I believe is very important but often overlooked or not done to the level that is needed. They might not had been aware of all the extra help you did, wedding for the bride and groom is a total whirlwind and they might not have realized.

unfortunately it’s one of those things out of your control. You were a great friend who went above and beyond. You did everything you could in the moment.

View Quoted Comment It is 100% not old school to send a handwritten thank you note. It’s the right thing to do.

View Quoted Comment Almost all of the things we do for friends and family, from childcare to loaning tools and cars, fixing a roof or hemming a dress, picking up their kids and delivering them. We accompany friends or coworkers we do not even know very well to day surgery, or bail them out with money and a ride after an accident , if they have no one close. Lots of services, lots of little gifts, daily and monthly and over long periods of years. But if a wedding is enough of an occasion in a couple 's life to commemorate it with one or two gifts from $50 to a week's take home pay, this is a time when a thank you is particularly in order. We entertain regularly, and some is a lopsided arrangement, people who have us over less frequently, are likely to buy what they can afford for snacks, not dinner parties. And I guess lots of people here would be surprised to know people do write a thoughtful note, as well as a personal thank you, lots of different people, very often. Or they bring a little thank you, flowers from the garden, something baked, after a big favor, taking 3 kids for days for free, major things. And we still write them ourselves. Or make or send a little something with a note. Everyone involved seems to appreciate that someone takes notice now and then. And the result is a large network of enduring, reciprocal friendships. . . . I read on here, over and over, people who plan to invite 75-300 people, and no one offers to do a shower? Or offers help? Or even replies to a wedding invitation. And people hold parties, cook dinners, plan for company, and no one bothers to call up and say yes or no, and just want to "keep options open," til the last minute when they show or don't. There is something good for both parties when people give a little thought to all the work people go to, to put on something special, be it a cookout, or a night of poker and pool. But I think it is better for the strength and closeness of relationships over time that now and then people take more deliberate and formal notice of a gift, or favor. People who cannot take the time to write a note, which takes less time than ironing the clothes I dress up in, or the time it takes me to walk to the car( nevermind 3 hours shopping, wrapping, mailing or having what I purchased delivered) , or something I worked 5-30 hours to pay for, or one or both of us spent 20-40 hours making, sends a message about what you are worth to them. . .And when they sign a card identical to 175 others, could have done it from the guest list without ever noticing who gave what, it is insulting/irritating.