Career or Relationship?

Since you are getting married, I'm assuming you will plan on living together so at some point one of you would have to change jobs. Are there a lot of options near him? Also, is the cost of living the same as where you live? If the cost of living is lower then it makes sense that the pay would be less.

Have you two discussed where you’ll live when you get married? I don’t think it has to be an either or decision, but I do think it’s one you should make jointly if marriage is on the horizon and you’re looking to live together once married.

Well here's the reality neither job or relationship are guaranteed in the future but you do have to make sacrifices for a marriage I believe. For example my fiance hasn't gotten the best job opportunities here where we live so he's considered moving to a different state. I wouldn't do it just for being his girlfriend by if I'm his wife then I need to maybe sacrifice if a good opportunity comes up elsewhere. Can he move for you? I would just say I would not want to set up a marriage long-distance so I think you know what you got to do. I would say only take the job if you feel like your relationship is not going to last.

Who was the one that moved away two years ago? You guys are not married yet but Either way in my eyes money is more important than my relationship. Love my hubby to death but he doesn’t pay my bills and shouldn’t have to. I need to look after myself and be financially stable on my own so when career advancements arise that offer me more money, I take them. There is no need for me to sit idle just to be around him more.


If you can function monetarily on the $10k reduction in pay then go for it. If the reduction puts you at risk financially or take you out of your comfort, don’t do it.

Cant you “negotiate” the new job offer?? Well i am currently making X, can you match it or go over? Is it a job you would really love, vs what you do now?? I would say your happiness with the job trumps any pay ... if u make $10k more but HATE the job, then why stay? Pick the job that makes u the happiest/makes you love your job

I think it's a decision to be made together. You'll be married si maybe his income can offset the 10,000. Lots to discuss.

View Quoted Comment Yes, our wedding date is tentative and will be finalized once I accept an offer in his city. There are many options both near me and him. The cost of living is about the same.

View Quoted Comment We agreed that we would live in his city.

View Quoted Comment He could move but he refuses to change his job unless he quits completely to be an entrepreneur. So he could move to my city but if his job were to ever require him to be in the office post COVID then he would not enjoy the daily 200 mile round trip commute to and from work.

View Quoted Comment I'm the one who moved away for a great career opportunity. Yes, I agree, he shouldn't pay my bills. I can survive the cut the disappointing part is I won't be able to pay off my debt as fast as I would like.

View Quoted Comment Are their any opportunities for him by you?

View Quoted Comment I can but they will most likely not budge with the pay.

View Quoted Comment I'm not sure; I stopped looking for him about a year ago. He's fine with living somewhere else but He refuses to leave his job unless he's quitting to be an entrepreneur. He works from home bc of COVID. sooo he could move to my city now but we all don't know when organizations will start requiring employees to come into the office. We all dont know when covid will be "over." So if he were to move to my city and they ask him to start coming into the office. His 200 mile round trip commute to/from work would not be fun.

View Quoted Comment I agree with this - maybe try to negotiate a higher pay at the company that offered you the job? But also definitely consider which job you'd be happier at, and go with that. Talk with your fiance and figure out what would be best for you both based on all factors (including which job you'd like better, pay, etc). If you can't afford to take the decrease in salary, maybe agree to stay at your current position until you find a job near where your fiance lives that pays equivalent to your current pay? If you stay at your current job, you could also set a timeline for when you and your fiance would like to be living in the same town by.

View Quoted Comment I would discuss this decision with him since you intend to be married.

I would try to negotiate with the other company, especially for $10k. You have a strong counter-offer, so they may be willing to match it. I agree with previous posters that said to discuss this with your spouse. For me, I would personally want to be with my spouse. In the grand scheme of things, that would be more important to me than a $10,000 salary increase. But that's me. You need to do what's best for you. I would also consider that work from home, while it will probably last into next year, most likely isn't indefinite and you will go back to being long distance. I don't know your field, but is it likely that a comparable position will be available in the future if you decide to stay where you're at and then want to try again to relocate down the line? I would think about the long term. Also, based on your full salary, I would do the math and see exactly how much $10,000 is after taxes. When you factor in all of that (especially if that $10k puts you in a higher tax bracket), the extra amount may be much less than it sounds.

I think it depends on your current field. Many companies are considering letting employees work remotely forever in my area. Is this something your current company is considering? If it is, it might be more of a consideration for staying at that job.

1st choice: Ask your current job if you can continue working remotely permanently (maybe negotiate so you go into the office 1-2 days/month or something). If they say yes, move in with your FH and keep your salary.

2nd choice: take the new job and move in with him. Unless you currently live with your family (rent free) you'll probably save close to $10k/year by living with him anyway so you wouldn't actually be losing money.

Caveat: if you love your current job but would hate the other one or vice versa, choose the job you love. If you're miserable at work, it will be hard to be happy in your relationship.

For me this feels like a red flag. You mentioned you were just promoted, he should be thrilled for you and supporting you! I don’t know all the details here, but I’m concerned that he’s being quite stubborn with respect to his career options (he truly won’t take any other job? You are expected to research other jobs for him? What on earth?) and that he’s not giving you the praise and support you deserve. Plus, women are already paid less than men, do not take the pay cut. Both of you should keep looking for new jobs in the same city that pay you what your worth.


Congrats on your promotion!! And best of luck in your search for a new position that will pay you what you’re worth in a location closer to your FH.

I like what some of the other people here said in terms of seeing if your current job CAn keep you working remotely