Cash Bar debate

I tend to stay away for cash bar conversations because of where we are, but...cash bars are fine.
I’m in the UK and a cash and is the norm (in fact many places wouldn’t even let you). Everyone expects it.
In a full traditional wedding, you would probably pay for a drink during the photo after the ceremony and then wine on the table for the meal. The rest of the day and evening is all paid by the guests as they want it.
I find the deep conversations around bars on WW fascinating

Ive never been to a wedding that hasnt had a cash bar honestly. Its extremely common where I am from. I def dont mind getting free beer as a guest but i dont expect it by anymeans! We are buying the drinks during our social hr and then kegs after but once tht is gone we will be having a cash bar. this probably seems like an unpopular opinion but as a guest I really do not mind paying for my own alcohol and wouldnt expect anyone to either. I think the opinions on this really vary from where you are located at. I dont find it tacky at all

The traditional etiquette is you are inviting guests to your wedding, so you should host every aspect of it. So asking guests to take out their wallet at a party is rude, especially when they most likely bring a gift. However, in my opinion, I don't hold it against the bride & groom if the bar is a cash bar. I'm always a little bummed, but end up pulling out my card & drinking the same amount. I know everyone has different budgets. It all depends on your group & family & guest list. My family wouldn't even consider a cash bar, under any circumstances. My fiance's family, most likely would do one, if they hosted a wedding.

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On the same token, I don't think you should tell someone their opinion is ridiculous if an open bar is important to them. Just like you didn't want people telling you having a cash bar is ridiculous.

I don't find anything wrong with a cash bar. If you can't afford it, then you just can't afford it. If people dont show up because of that, then that's their issue. We have the option to do both, so we did some open bar, some wine and beer and cash bar at the end. It's cheaper for us that way. I figure by the time cash bar starts people will be done drinking. My best friend recently got married and had the same issue. She was able to put money towards drinks. I believe it was like 2 drinks per person and none of the guests really cared. They were too busy dancing and enjoying each others company. I hate that people bash others for things without knowing your life situation. I hope the advice helps.

Honestly we were going to have a cash bar just because it wasn’t in our budget. I did not have any problems citing this and it was one of the first things we cut to save money. I didn’t want people drunk and I thought it was an easy solution. My parents recently said that they would like to cover the bar tab which I think will be nice. About 60% of our guest will be out of town and I like that we will be able to provide that. My parents, my FH and I have agreed that it will not have hard liquor and it will only be an open bar through dinner. We think this is a great compromise.

I would say it depends on the type of wedding, if it’s a DW, I would think it would be tacky to not provide alcohol at least during part of the event. We don’t really drink and I dislike how much of our budget is alcohol as I think it’s a giant waste but... I also like people’s ideas of only beer and wine to keep costs down too.

I am personally not a fan of cash bars because I feel like if you are hosting your guests, then you should provide everything. Many of my guests will be traveling from far away and having to pay for their own lodging. So I wouldn’t want to ask them to also pay for their own drinks. Also, I don’t want my guests having to keep up with cash or a debt card all evening. That is just a pain when you are trying to dance and have a good time.
As far as going to wedding and seeing people get wasted, that is a shame. I have never been to a wedding where anyone got wasted and acted inappropriately.

I think part of it is related to geographic norms. Where I'm located, a full open bar is the norm. I've only every been to 1 wedding with a cash bar, and that was more so because the bride and groom did not want a significant portion of relatives to drink too much and cause a scene (which apparently had happened at other weddings). I don't think I would necessarily he offended by a cash bar, but probably surprised by it. To me, hosting a wedding is like hosting your friends in any other capacity. Just as I wouldn't ask them to fork over $10 for the glass of wine I pour them at home, I wouldn't ask that of them at the wedding. Also, we're having a formal wedding at a country club so I think it would be strange given the setting and how elaborate everything else is. Our venue actually includes a full open bar for cocktail hour and reception, along with a butler passed signature drink upon entry and a champagne toast.

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The traditional etiquette was actually to just have a short cake and punch reception immediately after the ceremony, usually in the basement of the church you were married in. No alcohol or meals. All of these etiquette rules are very new, within the last 20 or 30 years, and not traditional in the slightest. The wedding industry in the US alone is worth over 53 BILLION dollars. The venues/vendors LOVE these arbitrary rules that they've pushed and reinforced for the last couple decades. They're making a killing off of the brides who feel pressured to have an open bar or whatever else that's beyond their budget.

I think good hosting is that your guests don't pull out their wallets at any point during your event. If you can't afford a full open bar, offer what you can afford - whether that be wine, beer, a signature cocktail, whatever. I've heard that some people say nobody cared that they had a cash bar, but my guess is that the guests were polite and didn't let on that it was disappointing. I want my guests to feel treated to a great evening out because they are getting all dressed up, some are traveling from afar, they are bringing nice gifts, and are spending the evening celebrating us.

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Well it's nice to know my grandmother was so far ahead of her time when she hosted her full dinner & open bar more than 50 years ago!

Originally, due to money constraints as well as not wanting guests to get trashed at our wedding, I was thinking of only offering beer and wine and hopefully run out before the night was over. My FH, however, wants some liquor options (his family are drinkers, not alcoholics, but I don't want them getting wasted) so he suggested a cash bar for anything other than beer and wine. I told him after reading these forums and blogs that I will not allow a cash bar. I honestly wouldn't care to go to a wedding with a cash bar or even have one myself, but I don't want backlash from my FH's family.

I can see both sides, but if you are worried about cost and people getting out of hand with the alcohol, just offer wine and/or beer, champagne. And you don't have to buy enough to last the entire night. Personally, I think 2-3 hours is good enough. If they want more alcohol, they can go to a bar afterwards. The reception is about celebrating and having fun, not getting drunk.

I always think it is interesting that people say that they had a cash bar, and people didn't care, as if people would actually be so rude as to tell the couple on their wedding day that they were offended by their cash bar. If I was at a wedding with a cash bar, my husband and I would probably complain to each other, especially if we didn't know about it beforehand, but we would NEVER EVER say anything to the bride and groom about it. Like even if it was my own sister, I would never complain to her about it, but I would still think it was tacky because I don't want to be responsible for subsidizing your party.

I have to agree with most posts on this thread. I personally do not care for a cash bar simply because I don't want to push the cost on to them. I completely understand that people have different budgets and sometimes an open bar is just not possible. If I were in that situation, I would consider having a limited open bar with just select options or having a dry wedding. I am just really turned off by the idea of asking my guests to pay anything past what they already have for my wedding. That being said, we have been to weddings that are all three, dry, cash, and open. We enjoyed them each differently but never look back and think anything less of the people who didn't have an open bar.

Have the wedding you can afford--afford all of. Cut the things that don't relate to the comfort of the guests--the dove release, the photo booth, the six extra attendants, the favors. Guests care about chairs, food, drink, and being made welcome. They probably will never tell you, but they'll also never forget being made to open their wallets. "Here's your ice cream. If you want chocolate sauce, it'll be two dollars, please." That isn't hosting; it's going into business.

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Right! Both my grandparents had full evening affairs along with all my aunts and uncles.. All married over 20-30 years ago lol

Me thinks PP doth protest too much...

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No one is saying to go beyond one's budget. More that you need to fit your guest list and vendors to your budget in order to host your guests. If you can't do that, for sure do a cake a punch. But if you're inviting a bunch of people and want a nice dress and flowers, etc but then can't host your guests, you're doing it wrong.

View Quoted Comment You’re correct, she was very ahead of her time as that simply wasn’t the norm in 1969. I’m not sure what point you’re trying to make with your anecdote? Facts are facts and personal stories to the contrary don’t change the facts lol.