Cash Bar engagement party?

Also, the guest list for the engagement party is small. Basically just those who are within reasonable driving distance (mostly just friends from college) who are invited to the wedding. I've been to an engagement party "weekend" where we paid for our hotel room (of their choice), dinner, drinks, and gift for the couple, and didn't have a big problem with it.

I like the restaurant idea too. How many people are you expecting?

Maybe instead of individual drinks, can you get pitchers of sangria maybe?

Looking at it financially, I would think having it at a restaurant would be more expensive for the host. And maybe it's just me, but I'd be willing to drive further for an afternoon BBQ at a park than an event at a restaurant where time may be limited.

I have no idea what is usually done at an engagement party, but I would think doing it at a restaurant would be way easier. They'll take care of everything for you! No need to worry about people's food preferences, weather cooperating, or cleanup, either.

That's a good perspective OTW...I didn't really think about the time limit since we'd be going out after.

I'm just looking at it if I were driving the 4 hours you stated. If I can be with friends for a longer period of time, I'd opt for that. I just find BBQ's are "longer" than time at a restaurant.

True...we are also looking for deals on hotel rooms for people who are coming in from out of town. A lot of them are friends, so they can split the cost of one room

Honestly, I'm not a big fan of either. I understand what you're saying about people about not wanting to drive far for a barbeque and I think meeting your friends at a bar or restaurant to celebrate your engagement sound like fun but I wouldn't call it an "engagement party". I think if you formally invite people to a party you should be providing the refreshments. I know everyone likes to throw out the "So are byob parties rude?? line and yes, unless your still in college, they are. I would just do the bar thing but keep it casual. Maybe make a facebook group or call people and say something like, "Hey, we are meeting at this bar in a few weeks to celebrate being engaged. Hope you can meet us there!", rather than sending invitations or calling it a party which would imply the guests wouldn't have to pay for food and drinks.

Oops, I guess I wasn't clear on the restaurant thing....we wouldn't just be meeting people at some random restaurant. We would be renting the upper (covered) deck of a nice restaurant in the middle of town, right next to all of the bars we like to go out to. It would actually be an "event", and not so much of a meet up.

I'd personally enjoy the BBQ in the park more...But then you also need a back-up in case of weather. If there was a cash bar, I would not drink (but I don't normally drink much or at all anyway). I agree that financially a restaurant will probably be more expensive than a BBQ, and it's less family-friendly as well.

There will be no kids...at all, so I'm not worried about the family friendly thing. I guess I'm going to have to wait to hear back from the restaurant about costs. I really feel like, after it's said and done, buying the alcohol, food, plates, decor, etc. for a big BBQ would end up being pricey as well.

I REALLY like the restaurant idea. We are having ours next Saturday March 15th at local Restaurant/Bar. We have 30 people coming which is immediate family and the wedding party. We thought it was good way for everyone to mingle and get to know each other for the wedding.

My sister is the host and she asked me if a "cash bar" would be tacky for this event. We are having an open bar reception so I honestly don't see the need in having an "open bar" engagement party as well. FH and I MIGHT do a $100 bar tab the night of so everyone can at least get one drink "on us" but that's about it.

I'm with you, I don't think every event around the wedding needs be an "open bar".

Edited: My sister is spending $800 on food and soft drinks for the party. She rented the upstairs banquet room which has its own private bar.

Oh okay, I did misunderstand. In that case I think it will be okay if you don't have an open bar as long as your providing some sort of snacks and maybe pitchers of beer or sangria like someone else suggested if you/your sister can swing it. I would check with the bar and make sure they don't have a crazy minimum you have to meet before you book though.

The $100 bar tab is a great idea! I think it will start it off right. And like I said, a close friend had an engagement "shindig" that ended up being like $300 per couple to attend, and everyone was fine with it, because it was more of an "event"

We were looking at having our shower at a restaurant and it would have been $20/pp. We are very good friends with the owner and he would have shaved some money off of that. I just felt it was to much money to ask someone to spend. Also, keep in mind some restaurants have a minimum you have to meet for private parties.

Yeah, I'm hoping that because this restaurant has many different options and room sizes (the smallest has a max of 40 people, which is perfect) that they will be flexible with the minimums. 20/pp may be a bit expensive.

I think both options work - it's just a matter of what reflects the two of you the best and what the host is willing to do.

for the restaurant - i agree that i would have beer or sangria pitchers. i'm not a fan of a tab because it rewards those who drink fastest, but if that's the best option i wouldn't be offended. i would also make sure to cover non-alcoholic beverages. passed appetizers are great as long as it's not dinner time.

for the park - the biggest issue would be a rain backup, since people will be planning to come from so far away so you can't just postpone. i don't think you need to do much in terms of decoration if you don't want to. it is more work though, since a group of people have to be in charge of prep the entire time.

i would be as likely to come to either - the question would be whether or not i was willing to drive for 4 hours to your engagement party, not if i thought the type of event was worth the drive.

I'd prefer a BBQ as well because I think its easier to get up and talk to people. Also, I just think its more fun then sitting in a restaurant.

I feel like you should provide food and drinks to anyone who you are inviting to an event. If people are making a lengthy drive to visit then you want to make sure people are being treated like guests. I think pitchers of something would be great and cost effective way to do it.

I'm so surprised that people are so open to the BBQ idea. I thought that would be way too informal for someone to travel for, but I like it!

Just something to think about - I would definitely make sure that it's clear what type of food (if any) you will be serving. If it's just passed appetizers that's OK, but let people know ahead of time so they aren't starving. I'm not sure if you plan on providing food, but I personally think it's necessary to provide food of some kind if you're inviting people for an engagement party.

In terms of alcohol, I had my engagement party at my house so I could afford to fully host people - this was my preference, and I don't think it's required, but it's definitely nice if you can swing it (and you probably would be able to much easier with the BBQ idea). If not, I think the pitchers of sangria or some other cocktail or punch is a nice touch and will be appreciated.