Catholic and living together

Should your church refuse to marry you due to your living situation, this is what you should do.

Step One: Get married at a courthouse by a Justice of the Peace or have a small civil ceremony with close family and friends.

Step Two: Approach your church for Convalidation.

http://www.idotaketwo.com/marriage-convalidation.html

Through the process of Convalidation, your marriage will be recognized by the Church. You may invite your guests to witness your Convalidation ceremony the same as you would a wedding and follow it with a reception, again the same as you would a wedding.

I found a priest that would do not only a marriage in which we were already co-habitating, we have a son together (premarital sex, ops) and the ceremony will not take palce in a church. The priest at my church was more gungho about not marrying us because it wasnt going to be done in a church, he didnt seem to care that we already lived together and had a child. I ended up finding a priest that is apparently a part of the "new" catholic priesthood that is a lot less strict. He said my marriage would still be recognized by the catholic church, hes providing all the proper paperwork, and he's a bishop and everything...there is a website that has other priests let me go find it for you.

Oh, that would be great Cris!

I think its weddingceremony.org ...you can search for a priest by your region. Some are just officiants, some are actual priests..so look closely at their descriptions, good luck!

Well, you were raised Catholic and all, but do you actually want to be Catholic/do you believe in all the teachings? Half my family is Catholic (I am not) and based on how they have described their beliefs to me I wouldn't have a Catholic wedding just because that's what you were raised with-they're pretty hardcore, especially with marriage rules as I'm sure you're aware. The problem with living together but not sleeping together is that you're still 'tempting sin' and it also 'reflects badly'--meaning people will assume you're sleeping together anyway just because you live together, which in theory reflects badly on Catholics as a whole because you're not adhering to the beliefs of the Church.

Sorry if that came across awkwardly--I'm not questioning your religion at all or being judgmental!

Michelle S.- I don;'t have a solution, but best of luck :-)

Little K, I appreciate the insight! We don't agree with every little detail, but it's more of a comfortability thing. We tried a more modern church and it just seemed weird. Guess we really are creatures of habit.

Its hard finding a church. My husband and I have been attending a local one that has the music we like, but the sermons aren't particularly inspiring. Sigh. I'd keep looking for a priest though if it is important to you--they are definitely out there! I was married in my Presbyterian church, and my pastor never asked if we were living together or anything. He was more concerned that we were on the same page faith-wise!

Rachel, I like the convalidation idea! We might just have a nondenominational service at our venue, and then do the convalidation thing later. I'm also looking into Cris's website. There are catholic priests on there so we'll see.

We were both raised Catholic, but like most Catholics, my FS doesn't go to church and I switched to a non-denominational church after college (though I had only Catholic education). We do live together and I anticipate that may be a problem with any pastor (ours doesn't know yet, hasn't asked), but I agree, no need to lie.

When we were considering getting married in a Catholic church, we didn't come across any that had any qualms about our living situation. One even does a "commitment ceremony" which I assume is for gays/lesbians (if it were closer, I would get married there for that reason alone!). (Disclaimer, we only looked at churches near the loop of chicago).

Wow! We are Catholic and living together, yet we didn't lie about it we only said his address was so and so and mine was X and Y.. which, I mean, he still uses that address (his parents).

I don't understand why a priest would refuse to marry you, if the whole point of people not "living together" is have marry them. How strange.

We don't have intimacy though.. but that was a personal decision and not b/c anyone told us not to.

Wow, Future KH! That's really a shocker. I live in the southern part of texas, so I guess churches here are more traditional. They specifically said the church does not agree with "cohabitation".

One priest asked where I lived and I told him the town. He asked where FH lives, and I said the same town. He asked if we lived together, and I said yes. He said "well we won't offer the sacrament of marriage to anyone cohabiting."

I was shocked too!

We are in East Texas and our church did not have a problem with it at all.

My fiance's brother is getting married in the Catholic church and lives with his fiance. As far as I can tell, they aren't crazy about it, but they will still marry them.

The same priest is doing pre-marital counseling with us even though we're getting married in my Lutheran church. So, he knows my fiance is getting married to a non-catholic, who has a son from a previous relationship, and that we are currently living together. I'm not super stoked about going, because I know we'll be questioned a million times, but it's so my fiance can keep his religion and it means a lot to him. Plus, the priest who is working with us pretty much got drunk with us at our grade school festival, lol.

I am not catholic but my FH is and we a child together and live together and I am divorced and w found a priest that would convert me to be catholic and he forgave me for my sins it took a year to go through all of this but he is willing to marry us and perform a cathloic service outside the church. There are priest out there that will marry you to just keep looking if that is what you want.

Cohabitation is sometimes over looked in the catholic church for financial reasons(I'm catholic however probably not getting married in Catholic church) just know that you should look a little more.

When we went to our engaged encounter weekend, there were many many couples there that lived together and were still getting married in the church. Maybe things are more strict where u are but I know that my cousin and her fh also lived together before getting married and had a full catholic ceremony. I think if u guys sign up for a engaged couples weekend and go and then shownur priest the certificate, it will show ur serious about ur commitment to having a catholic marriage? Maybe It is regional but I have never heard of a priest refusing because of living together. How many priests have u talked to? Did they flat out say u are not getting married in a catholic church? Just so u know, My fh and I are catholic, we don't live together, I didn't click on this thread to judge u. Just so know don't assume that just becuse someone chooses a different path preparing for marriage that they judge others for not making the same choices.

Yea, most churches around here require you to be a member. And that's no biggie. Many of them require you to be a member for 6 months to 1 yr before they will even meet with you and tell you if your date is available.