Catholic Ceremony vs Civil Ceremony

Katie, I'm not Catholic, but I am a civil officiant. Verify this with your church, but it is my understanding that you can have a civil (not religious) ceremony outside the Catholic church and then have your marriage "blessed" by the Catholic church.

The no drink rule is more church to church. we were allowed to have a drink but not crazy when we married in the catholic church our priest never even mentioned it to us. the marriage prep isn't to bad. you can have your marriage blessed after a civil ceremony. but also be prepared for the ofciant to say no drinking as well they don't want you saying I do after you have been drinking

Yes, this is true, but the couple will still have to go through the marraige prep course.

I am having a Catholic ceremony. The mass should be no more than an hour, maybe 45 minutes. It seems that in every state its a bit different, but here in Miami we had to meet with a FOCCUS couple (mentor couple) and we took a compatibility test that they provided.

Then we went to a weekend retreat. We actually benefited more from the retreat than I thought we would. It turned out to be very helpful. The thing with the church is that we cannot throw anything (petals, rice, etc...) but I've been hearing that is actually the rule at most venues now a days due to liability and whatnot.

The church told us that we can take the 2 alter decorations that we will be providing in front of the church. So no waste there.

We were considering having an all in one also at the reception site, for convenience and a lot of other reasons. But in the end, we chose to do a catholic ceremony as it really is how I envisioned my wedding day. And it did make my mother happy too. =)

In the end, like you said, it's your decision. As far as cost, it will be about the same. Most reception sites will charge you a ceremony fee also. If you want to get married in a cathedral, then that might become more costly. You just have to weigh out what it is you and your FH want.

It will all work out in the end.

We are doing a civil now and then we will start working on the pre Cana and have the catholic wedding in a couple years (mostly to keep parents happy).

We are both technically Catholic and elected not to get married in the church because it wasn't important to us. It was actually a very easy decision for us as neither of us goes to church and we both have some reservations about it.

It sounds like you really want that religious blessing. Have you considered talking to a different Catholic church? You might find one that is a little more lenient!

Well to have a Catholic ceremony you both have to have been baptized, communion, confession, confirmation, the whole 9 yards. Have you thought about just picking out a church and having a regular officiant do your vows?

You have to decide how important it is for you. I'm not Catholic, but my FH (and my dad, and my aunts and uncle) was raised that way. (none of our parents attend Catholic churches anymore). And if you want to have a mimosa while you are getting ready, then just do it before you get to the church, if you are not having hair and makeup done there. Just get dressed there.

I think a lot of those rules pertaining to alcohol, decorations, etc are specific to each church. We got married in a LCMS Lutheran Church which is pretty strict on par with most Catholic churches, and they had no issues with any of those things.

I could be wrong but I think the "blessing" you're referring to is really a Convalidation. That's what allows your marriage to be recognized by the Catholic church, allowing you and H to take communion, etc. I don't know when those are granted and when they're not granted so I would look into that before assuming it can happen no matter what, I think there are some conditions but I could be wrong.

The rules relating to the petty stuff(decorations, runners, music) vary widely by diocese and by parish. Yes, there are many important rules to receiving your sacrament of vocation. The reason is so to make sure you are compatible and understand the importance of the sacrament. Basically, the purpose of the rules is to make sure you both have all the ingredients to make this sacrament work forever. It is kind of ruling out any reason why you would want an annullment down the rode(other than infidelity)

The first time around, I was had a Nuptial Mass. My marriage lasted 13 years. I was a conservative Catholic. My marriage ended to do the ex's infidelity. I chose to get an annullment to help me heal. It worked. I just married the second time in a civil ceremony. My DH and I will have to take the class to "have the marriage blessed." Again, it is to rule out any reason for a future annullment.

Also we've attended all manner of religions and non-religious weddings where we may or may not understand or agree with everything that's going on. It doesn't really matter all that much - if we're going to attend someone's wedding, it's someone we care about so we'll sit through a church service even if it's not our denomination. (H was raised Catholic, I'm not.)

And you don't have to have a full Mass if you don't want to, or if you're concerned about it going too long. That should be your preference.

Even if you have a civil service, I would still go for some type of premarital counseling or classes. Ours was incredibly helpful to us and I wish we had done more.

I teach CCD so I am a bit long winded in this answer.

My daughter is having a Nuptial Mass. Both her FH and her are conservative Catholics who do attend Mass weekly. She is actually flying home to Philly(she is in FL) so she can receive this sacrament where she has received her other sacraments, her parish church. There were many points when she wanted to just have a civil ceremony because of the stupid rules and regulations, so you really are not alone.

Good luck. I am sure if you pray on it, you will figure out what is best for the two of you.

I have done many 'civil' weddings with Catholic elements in them; readings, etc. But I think you'll find that even though even every parish is going to be a bit different. there are a LOT of conditions to a Catholic wedding. I'm not saying that's a bad thing, if it's meaningful to the couple, but that warrants more than a casual conversation.

Carole, if you see this - is the "blessing" the same as "convalidation"? And can you get that whenever if you agree to take the classes? And do you have any idea what that involves for someone who is not Catholic? Like, would I have to promise to raise our children Catholic or not interfere with their Catholic upbringing or something along those lines?

Just wondering. H was raised Catholic and it's not important to him now that our marriage isn't recognized by the Church, but I wonder at some point if it will be.

His family's parish priest came and said a blessing over our dinner at the reception but that did not seem like a formality.

Thanks for all the feed back.

A few things: I understand that having alcohol at the church and decorations and what not arent that important, just minor details. Im not looking to get wasted, or down a whole bottle of champagne.

My Mother passed away in November 2011 and I wanted to get married in the same church (Cathedral) that we had her funeral. A few things to consider. The priest at the church that did my Mothers funeral will not be presiding our wedding. He has another wedding that day out of town (I wonder if he is marrying someone at another church, since I didn't think Priest married people outside of the church) I have talked to my FH family (they attend church, regularly, his uncle was a youth minister at the church) and I was put in contact with the Priest from their church. That Priest said he would marry us at the Cathedral.

We both live in Colorado but are marrying in our home town in Michigan.

I was told we would have to join a Parish here in CO and attend the MP class and FOCCUS here in CO and the Priest in MI would accept that.

I have only been asked for our proof of Baptism. No other sacrements. I do not believe that I was confirmed. My Mom checked for me last year and there isn't proof of it. (I orginally thought I had my confirmation done when I had my 1st communion) Will that prevent us from marrying in the church? Could we still be blessed in the church?

I suppose what is really important to me is to have our marriage blessed by the Priest, in the Cathedral that did my Mom's memorial service.

Another issue WE BOTH have is: Are we hypocrites for marrying in a Catholic Church if we don't regularly attend mass, live together, premarital sex and support Birth Control? I know those are all frowned upon in the religion.

Another deterent for me is:

I spoke with someone here in CO about the Marriage Prep classes. I found a place that offers them online (which I thought would be more appealing to FH since he is not keen on the whole idea) I asked this person about the other options for a ceremony, like a shorter ceremony and not a full mass. Their response really turned me off to the whole organized religion.

Here it is:

Dear Katie, there is a reason for that and you will also learn more about this in this MP class. Mass is the moment when Jesus Christ makes himself present in the Eucharist, and He will be present in your wedding! What a blessing!!! You don't want to tell Jesus, come just for 15 minutes, do you? I encourage you to openly discuss this with the priest marrying you and I am sure he will be able to give you the answers you are looking for.

How can someone tell me when GOD is present in my life? He is always present, not just when I go to church.

I know that our wedding day is supposed to be what we BOTH want. Im so stressed out because I just dont know what I want anymore.

FH says "If its important to you, its important to me"

But I know he really isnt into the whole marriage, sacrament, part of the wedding.

Me: I am torn. Religious or Hypocrite?

Thanks to all for listening and letting me vent.

Thankfully we are headed back to MI and we will be able to sit down with the Priest that would marry us and talk with him about options.

Has anyone seen invites or been to a wedding that offers the "Marriage Blessing Ceremony"? I was thinking of inserting a small card informing our guests that they would have an option to attend this mass. That is, if we choose to just have a civil ceremony.

I personally don't think it's hypocritical based on your living situation, sex or birth control views. I don't think you have to 100% agree with all church members on all subjects to worship at a church and my pastor would agree with me on that. But it probably depends on how liberal/conservative your pastor is. Ours ministers to young city people a lot b/c his church is downtown. So even though the LCMS Lutheran church is VERY conservative, our particular pastor is pretty liberal and didn't blink an eye at us living together/whatnot. He was more concerned with what meaning the religious service would have for us.

I would just ask yourself why you REALLY want that Catholic wedding. Would you care at all if it weren't for that actual building having an emotional pull on you? I think that's the bigger question.

I'm sorry about your mom.

Thanks so much! I could go back and forth on the pros and cons of this.